
.Sfcm&arfc 
-<2nalish~ 

Classics 




GRACE ABOUNDING 



BUNYAN 





i n i m i ni M— — m 




GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE 
CHIEF OF SINNERS 

OR 

A BRIEF AND FAITHFUL RELATION OF THE EXCEED- 
ING MERCY OF GOD IN CHRIST TO HIS POOR SERVANT 




tf 



P 



Edited with an Introduction 
by 

EDWARD CHAUNCEY BALDWIN, Ph.D. 

ASSISTANT PROFESSOR OF ENGLISH LITERATURE 
AT THE UNIVERSITY OF ILLINOIS 




GINN AND COMPANY 

BOSTON • NEW YORK • CHICAGO • LONDON 







Copyright, 1910, by 
EDWARD CHAUNCEY BALDWIN 



ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



GINN AND COMPANY • PRO- 
PRIETORS • BOSTON • U.S.A. 



£CLA25< 



PREFACE 

Because Bunyan's Grace Abounding is so complete a rev- 
elation of the mind of Puritanism, because it is so perfect an 
example of the subjective autobiography, because of its interest 
as a narration of a soul-experience, and finally because it fur- 
nishes such an illuminating commentary upon Pilgrim's Progress, 
it cannot well be ignored by any student of the literature of the 
seventeenth century. Despite the undeniable interest and value 
of the book, however, no cheap and at the same time reliable 
text has hitherto been available. In the belief that other teachers 
of English would welcome such a text, but chiefly because the 
editor has felt the need of one in his own university teaching, 
he has prepared this edition. The text, used by permission of 
the publishers, is that of the Clarendon Press. No notes have 
been admitted, because in so simple and straightforward a nar- 
rative none seemed necessary. Some questions for the study 
of the book have, however, been included, but merely by way 
of suggestion. They are not intended to be even measurably 
complete, but are meant only to suggest a method of approach. 
Whether the book be read for its interest as an historical docu- 
ment, as a literary classic, or for its purely human interest, it 

will repay a thorough and reverent study. 

K. C. B. 

Urbana, Illinois 



CONTENTS 



PAGE 

INTRODUCTION vii 

BIBLIOGRAPHY xvii 

SUGGESTIVE QUESTIONS xix 

GRACE ABOUNDING TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS. . . i 
A RELATION OF THE IMPRISONMENT OF MR. JOHN 

BUNYAN 117 



INTRODUCTION 

Banyan's Character revealed by His Work. The external facts 
in the life of Bunyan are relatively unimportant, for they give 
us little insight into the real nature of the man. The outward 
events in the lives of most great authors, and in this respect 
Bunyan is not exceptional, are comparatively unimportant, be- 
cause such men are not men of action. Theirs were lives, not 
primarily of action, but of thought. Consequently, we know these 
men rather through what they have written than through what 
they have done. We know far more about Shakespeare, for 
example, from his plays than from the scanty records of his life. 
In the case of Bunyan, however, our knowledge of what manner 
of man he was is supplemented, not only from what we are able 
to infer from the tracts and allegories that he wrote, but from his 
own account of his inner life as recorded in Grace Abounding 
to the Chief of Sinners. The book is a spiritual autobiography, 
like the Confessions of St. Augustine. It is one of the most vivid 
accounts of spiritual struggle and victory ever penned. From it 
we are able to see clearly, even though we may not be able to 
explain them, those qualities of mind and heart which gave him 
such power to influence, through the written and the spoken 
word, the lives of other men. We know how he impressed 
those who knew him. 

Contemporary Estimate. A contemporary of Bunyan has left 
the following account of Bunyan's character and person, under 
the title, "A Brief Character of Mr. John Bunyan." 

" He appeared in countenance to be of a stern and rough 
temper, but in his conversation mild and affable; not given 
to loquacity or much discourse in company, unless some urgent 



viii INTRODUCTION 

occasion required it ; observing never to boast of himself or 
his parts, but rather seem low in his own eyes, and submit 
himself to the judgment of others ; abhorring lying and swear- 
ing, being just in all that lay in his power to his word, not 
seeming to revenge injuries, loving to reconcile differences 
and make friendship with all ; he had a sharp quick eye, ac- 
complished with an excellent discerning of persons, being of 
good judgment and quick wit. As for his person, he was 
tall of stature, strong boned, though not corpulent, somewhat 
of a ruddy face, with sparkling eyes, wearing his hair on his 
upper lip, after the old British fashion ; his hair reddish, but in 
his latter days time had sprinkled it with grey; his nose well set, 
but not declining or bending, and his mouth moderate large, his 
forehead something high and his habit always plain and modest. 
And thus we have impartially described the internal and external 
parts of a person whose death hath been much regretted — a 
person who had tried the smiles and frowns of time, not puffed 
up in prosperity nor shaken in adversity, always holding the 
golden mean. 

In him at once did three great worthies shine — 
Historian, poet, and a choice divine : 
Then let him rest in undisturbed dust, 
Until the resurrection of the just." 

Sincerity. When we read Gi'ace Abounding to the Chief of 
Sinners, the estimate of his contemporaries is confirmed and 
supplemented. We are chiefly impressed by Bunyan's sincerity 
and earnestness, — by the fact that he said what he really 
'thought, and that he was so intensely serious about it all. 
The book is exactly what he himself called it, "a relation of 
the work of God upon my soul, even from the very first till 
now, wherein you may perceive my castings down and risings 
up " ; and again he says : " I could also have stepped into a style 
much higher than this, in which I have here discoursed, and 
could have adorned all things more than here I have seemed 



INTRODUCTION ix 

to do, but I dare not. God did not play in tempting of me ; 
neither did I play, when I sunk as into the bottomless pit — 
wherefore I may not play in relating of them, but be plain and 
simple and lay down the thing as it was." The thing that Bunyan 
lays down — his experience of sin, sorrow, repentence, and a 
miraculous pardon — was not unique in the experience of the 
Puritan of the seventeenth century. Only Bunyan's presenta- 
tion of that experience was in any way unique. It was so 
because his equipment for such a presentation was so perfect. 
Two qualities, plainly evident in Grace Aboitnding to the Chief 
of Sinners, fitted Bunyan to embody, in what is perhaps the 
most intensely vivid spiritual record ever written, the inward 
experience of many a humble Christian of his time. These 
qualities are a vivid imagination and a marvelous gift of expres- 
sion. To the former is due his power to see visions and to 
dream dreams ; to the latter is due his. power to reproduce those 
mind pictures in the form of concrete images. 

Resemblance to Luther. Though Bunyan was a dreamer, he 
was not a mystic. He never lost his connection with the world 
of fact. In this union of interest in the things of the spirit 
with a shrewd common sense Bunyan reminds us of Luther. 
Indeed they were kindred spirits. It is not without significance 
that Bunyan, when he read Luther's commentary on the Gala- 
tians, " found," he says, " my condition in his experience, so 
largely and profoundly handled, as if his book had been written 
out of my heart," and that he preferred that book to any he 
had ever read> except, of course, the Bible. 

Simplicity. Like Luther, Bunyan remained to the last a simple 
man. No hint of arrogance appeared in anything that he wrote. 
Never once does he speak with pride of his eloquence, or of the 
influence which, after his liberation from prison, he came to 
exert. His humility was the result of his sensitive conscience 
and of the fact that he lived always, after his conversion, in the 
light of eternity. 



x INTRODUCTION 

Tolerance. Like Luther, again,' Bunyan was free from bigotry. 
He never, but in one instance, entered into religious controversy. 
And his controversy with the Quakers was due, not to his intol- 
erance, but to his belief that their emphasis upon the value of 
the " inward light " threatened danger to the supremacy of the 
Bible as a rule of faith and practice. He certainly did not, like 
so many of the dissenters of that age, quarrel with others over 
non-essentials. In an age when, as Butler says, . 

. . . men fell out they knew not why ; 
When hard words, jealousies and fears, 
Set folks together by the ears, 

it is interesting to find Bunyan writing, "I never cared to 
meddle with things that were controverted, and in dispute 
among the saints, especially of the lowest nature . . . ." Equally 
refreshing in a time of such theological rancor as that in which 
he lived, is his other statement, " I would be as I hope I am, a 
Christian. But for those factious titles of Anabaptist, Inde- 
pendent, Presbyterian, and the like, I conclude that they come 
neither from Jerusalem nor from Antioch, but from Hell or 
from Babylon." Bunyan was too sane a man to be carried off his 
feet by the trivial disputes of warring sects. To him the single 
absorbing interest in life was the salvation of men's souls. 

Style. Bunyan's style is merely the natural expression of 
his character. It is plain and simple, because Bunyan himself 
was a plain man, describing for plain people a simple, though 
profound, religious experience. What impresses us most about 
this religious experience is its objectivity. For Bunyan, to 
think was to see pictures. He never thought in abstract or in 
general terms. His thinking was all in terms of the specific and 
the concrete. As a result of such habits of thought, Bunyan 
excels every other English writer in his ability to reveal mental 
states. His power lies in his skill in making these mental states 
visibly real to the reader. Take, for example, his account of how 



INTRODUCTION xi 

he felt when he considered the difference between himself and 
the Christians of his acquaintance. 1 

" About this time, the state and happiness of these poor people 
at Bedford was thus, in a kind of vision, presented to me. I 
saw as if they were on the sunny side of some high mountain, 
there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams of the sun, 
while I was shivering and shrinking in the cold, afflicted with 
frost, snow, and dark clouds : methought also, betwixt me and 
them, I saw a wall that did compass about this mountain ; now 
through this wall my soul did greatly desire to pass ; concluding, 
that if I could, I would even go into the very midst of them, 
and there also comfort myself with the heat of their sun." 

Rhetorical Figures. This visualizing power caused Bunyan's 
constant use of rhetorical figures. With him a figure was not 
something added as a means of making the style picturesque, 
it was an essential element of his thought. Speaking of his 
" temptations," he says : " I often, when these temptations had 
been with force upon me, did compare myself to the case of 
such a child, whom some gypsy hath by force took up in her 
arms, and is carrying from friend and country. Kick sometimes 
I did, and also shriek and cry ; but yet I was bound in the 
wings of the temptation, and the wind would carry me away." 
Such a passage as this throws a great deal of light both upon 
Bunyan's habits of thought and upon his habitual expression. It 
helps to explain how he could write such a book as The Pilgrim's 
Progress. Allegory, the expanded metaphor, is, without doubt, 
the most artificial form of expression of which either poetry or 
prose is capable ; yet the use of allegory was with Bunyan not 
artifice at all. He thought in images. He could grasp truth 
only when made simple by concrete terms. His constant use of 
figurative expressions was, then, not a matter of choice but of 
necessity. 

1 Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners, p. 22. The passage is particularly 
interesting because it seems to contain the germ of The Pilgrim's Progress. 



xii INTRODUCTION 

Earnestness. To Bunyan's passionate earnestness, rather than 
to confusion of thought, must be attributed his occasional mix- 
ing of figures. Were not the experience he is describing so 
tragic and so real, there would be something almost ludicrous 
in the expression in such an instance as that in which he says : 
" Here again my torrent would flame out and afflict me ; yea it 
would grind me, as it were to powder, to consider the preserva- 
tion of God toward others, while I fell into the snare." Yet, 
while a flaming, grinding torrent may be rhetorically indefen- 
sible, it is artistically, perhaps, not wholly a blemish, for in the 
very confusion and incoherency of the expression we get an 
effect of earnestness, as if Bunyan were too intent upon the 
idea he is trying to convey to care much about the form. 1 It is 
Bunyan's earnestness which often leads him to make use of ex- 
clamation. So frequent is his use of the exclamatory sentence 
that, were it not for his evident earnestness, he would be open to 
the charge of rhetorical declamation. Nothing could be further 
from rhetorical flourishes, however, than these pious ejaculations 
scattered through Bunyan's account of his religious experiences. 
Sometimes they sound in their religious fervor like the responses 
in the litany, as when, in narrating his examination before Justice 
Keating, he interjects such expressions as "The Lord forgive 
them !" and a few lines farther on, after quoting a particularly 
insulting remark of the Justice, " The Lord open his eyes ! " 

Oral Quality. Probably this inattention to form partly ac- 
counts for the oral quality of Bunyan's style. Nowhere, so much 
as in Bunyan's writing, do we get the effect of the spoken word. 
This oral quality is that of hurried and energetic speech. The 
book gains immensely in its appeal when read aloud, and it is 
impossible to read some of the passages aloud without reading 

1 The student may in this connection recall how effectively Shakespeare has 
consciously employed a similar mixture of figures to produce artistically the 
effect of earnestness and doubtful questioning. The instance is in Hamlet's 
famous soliloquy, where Shakespeare makes Hamlet speak of taking arms against 
a sea of troubles. — Hamlet, III, i, 58 ff. 



INTRODUCTION xiii 

them rapidly. The effect of breathless haste, as well as that of 
energetic speech, is apparent even in the Preface, for example, 
in the passage beginning: "Remember, I say, the word that first 
laid hold upon you : remember your terrors of conscience, and 
fear of death and hell ; remember also your tears and prayers 
to God ; yea, how you sighed under every hedge for mercy. 
Have you never an hill Mizar to remember ? Have you forgot 
the close, the milk-house, the stable, the barn, and the like, where 
God did visit your souls? Remember also the word — the word, 
I say upon which the Lord hath caused you to -hope. If you 
have sinned against light ; if you are tempted to blaspheme ; 
if you are down in despair ; if you think God fights against 
you ; or if heaven is hid from your eyes, remember it was thus 
with your father ; but 'out of them all the Lord delivered me.'" 
Emphasis. One notices in reading this passage the repeti- 
tions which are a pretty constant feature of Bunyan's style and 
which contribute not a little to the colloquial effect of it. They 
appear not only, as here, in the form of repeated structure, but 
more often in the form of words or phrases repeated for the 
sake of emphasis. Note the effect of insistent emphasis in the 
following sentence : " But oh ! 't was hard for me now to have 
the face to pray to this Christ for mercy, against whom I had 
thus vilely sinned : 't was hard work, I say, to offer to look him in 
the face, against whom I had so vilely sinned . . . ." Emphatic, 
too, are the rhetorical questions which usually occur in groups 
like those on page 53. These groups of rhetorical questions are, 
of course, oratorical in their effect. Indeed, they often sound like 
echoes of some impassioned address, as perhaps they are. Pos- 
sibly of the same origin, and certainly of similar effect, is the fre- 
quent oratorical cadence coming usually at the end of a paragraph. 
Such a case is found on page 88. " But now a word, a word to 
lean a weary soul upon that it might not sink forever, it was that 
I hunted for." These mannerisms make it seem as if Bunyan 
must have composed his sentences while thinking aloud. 



xiv INTRODUCTION 

Colloquial Element. This oral quality in Bunyan's style is not 
wholly unique in the literature of the seventeenth century. Jeremy 
Taylor's Holy Living and Holy Dying possess it to the same, 
or perhaps to an even greater, degree. Bunyan's style, however, 
is not only oral, but, to an extent that would have horrified Bishop 
Taylor, colloquial as well. He is said to have used words of 
Anglo-Saxon origin more habitually than any writer since Chau- 
cer. Though occasionally he employs a word of Latin derivation 
as a result of his constant reading of Foxe's Book of Martyrs, 
he usually couples it with some homely English word so that 
the most unlettered reader is not driven to the dictionary. Thus 
on page 99, he writes : "To that, therefore, I did stick and 
adhere." Generally, however, his diction is wholly colloquial, as 
when speaking of men's good opinion of him he naively adds, 
" it pleased me mighty well." Colloquial speech of the seven- 
teenth century retained from Anglo-Saxon poetry a large alliter- 
ative element. 1 It is not surprising, therefore, to find in Bunyan's 
style a great deal of alliteration. When we read on page 12, 
" Thus man, while blind, doth wander, but wearieth himself 
with vanity, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God," 
we see both how colloquial and how alliterative Bunyan's style 
sometimes became in its resemblance to the style of common 
speech. 

Influence of the Bible. While Bunyan's style is the style of 
common speech, it is not uninfluenced by literary models. To an 
extent that we now find hard to realize, the everyday language 
of the Puritan of the seventeenth century was the language of 
the Bible. The Bible formed practically the whole literature that 
was accessible to ordinary Englishmen. Consequently, the mass 
of picturesque allusion and illustration that we consciously or 

1 Note how everyday speech still retains something of this alliterative ele- 
ment, especially in popular proverbs such as " a bird in the hand is worth two in 
the bush" ; " penny wise and pound foolish" ; " hedges have eyes and little pitchers 
have ears." All three of these, by the way, have come down to us through 
Bunyan's writings. 



INTRODUCTION XV 

unconsciously borrow from Milton, or Wordsworth, or Tennyson, 
they were forced to borrow from the Bible. As a result, the 
English people became the people of a book, and that book 
the Bible. It exerted, naturally, a remarkable influence upon 
the diction and structure of ordinary speech. We are told that 
when Cromwell saw the mists break over the hills just before 
the battle of Dunbar, he hailed the sight with the cry of the 
Hebrew poet, " Let God arise and let his enemies be scattered. 
Like as the sun riseth, so shalt thou drive them away." The 
wide range of Hebrew literature, and particularly its richness in 
emotional appeal, fitted it to become the medium of expression 
for every kind of elemental emotion of which the human heart 
is capable. It is no wonder, then, that the ideals of the Hebrew 
prophet became the ideals of the Puritan ; that he, too, dreamed 
of a theocracy, — a kingdom of God on earth. Nor is it surpris- 
ing that the very phrases of the Hebrew poets should have found 
a place in the everyday speech of the Puritan. Now Bunyan 
was a Puritan of the Puritans. One cannot read ten pages of 
his autobiography without realizing that Grace Abounding to the 
Chief of Sinners is a product of Puritanism. Indeed, the Puritan 
spirit nowhere else, not even in the Puritan epic Paradise Lost, 
finds such complete expression. Hence it is because Grace 
Abounding to the Chief of Sinners is a product of the age, that 
Bunyan's style could be so intensely colloquial and at the same 
time so intensely biblical in its coloring. It was so because to 
the Puritan the words of Hebrew prophet, priest, and sage 
were the language of daily life. 

Bunyan knew the Bible as few have known it. " The Bible," 
he says, "was precious to me," and " I was never out of the 
Bible, either by reading or meditation." He lived in the Bible 
till its words became his own. So completely did it become a 
part of his life, that one feels its phrases to be the natural and 
spontaneous expression of his thought. Not only does he con- 
tinually quote it, — and this from memory, for the quotations 



xvi INTRODUCTION 

are often slightly inaccurate, — but he continually adapts its ex- 
pressions to his use. Such adaptations of figurative Oriental 
phrasing often gives his style a quaint, exotic look, as when, 
instead of saying that God gave him a short respite from temp- 
tation, he tells us " God gave me leave to swallow down my 
spittle." Though this sentence has been cited by at least one 
commentator upon Bunyan as an instance of his homely, racy 
English, it is really borrowed from the words of Job. 1 The 
phrase is thoroughly Oriental, and is still in use among the 
Arabs ; yet here Bunyan uses it so naturally as to make it 
sound entirely English. 

In the history of the development of English prose style 
Bunyan holds an important place. He represents a tendency 
directly opposed to that exemplified in the work of such men as 
Browne and Taylor, whose prose followed the classical tradition. 
Bunyan, by writing as men talked, established a precedent which 
Defoe in the next century was to follow, and which, through 
him, has had a strong influence in shaping modern English 
prose style. 

1 Job 7. 19. 



BIBLIOGRAPHY 



Brown, John, John Bunyan: his Life, Times, and Work. Third 

edition. Boston, 1888. 
Froude, J. A., Bunyan, in English Men of Letters Series. London, 

1880. 
Macaulay, T. B., John Bunyan, in Encyclopaedia Britannica. 
Southey, R., Cromwell and Bunyan. London, 1861. 
Taine, H. A., History of English Literature. New York, 1874. 
Venables, E., Life of John Bunyan, in Great Writers Series. 

London, 1861. John Bunyan, in Dictionary of National Biography. 

The Pilgrim's Progress, Grace Abounding, and A Relation of His 

Imprisonment. Second edition. Oxford, 1900. 
Woodberry, G. E., Studies in Letters and Life. Boston, 1891. 



A CHRONOLOGICAL LIST OF BUNYAN'S WORKS, 
PUBLISHED DURING HIS LIFETIME 

1656. Some Gospel Truths opened. 

1656. A Vindication of " Some Gospel Truths opened." 

1658. A Few Sighs from Hell, or the Groans of a Damned Soul. 

1659. The Doctrine of the Law and Grace unfolded. 

No date. Profitable Meditations fitted to Man's different Conditions. 

1663. I will pray with the Spirit and with the Understanding also. 

1663. Christian Behaviour; being the Fruits of True Christianity. 

Un d a n te Wn ^he Four Last Things; Ebal and Gerizim; Prison Meditations. 

1665. The Holy City. 

1665. The Resurrection of the Dead and Eternal Judgment. 

1 666. Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners. 

1672. Defence of the Doctrine of Justification by Faith. 
1672. Confession of Faith. 



xviii BIBLIOGRAPHY 

1673. Difference of Judgment about Water Baptism no Bar to 

Communion. 

1674. Peaceable Principles and True. 

No date. Reprobation asserted, or Doctrine of Eternal Election pro- 
miscuously handled. 

1675. Light for them that sit in Darkness. 

1675. Instruction for the Ignorant, or a Salve to heal that great 
want of knowledge which so much reigns in Old and 
Young. 

No date. A Catechism for Children. 

1675. Saved by Grace. 

1676. The Strait Gate, or the great Difficulty of going to Heaven. 
1678. The Pilgrim's Progress. 

1678. Come and welcome to Jesus Christ. 

1679. A Treatise of the Fear of God. 

1680. The Life and Death of Mr. Badman. 
1682. The Holy War. 

1682. The Barren Fig Tree, or the Doom and Downfall of the 

Fruitless Professors. 

1683. The Greatness of the Soul. 

1683. A Case of Conscience resolved. 

1684. Seasonable Counsel or Advice to Sufferers. 
1684. A Holy Life the Beauty of Christianity. 
1864. A Caution to stir up to Watch against Sin. 

1684. The Pilgrim's Progress — Second Part. 

1685. Questions about the Nature and Perpetuity of the Seventh- 

day Sabbath. 

1685. The Pharisee and the Publican. 

1 686. A Book for Boys and Girls, or Country Rhymes for Children. 
1688. The Jerusalem Sinner saved, or Good News for the Vilest 

of Men. 

1688. The Work of Jesus Christ as an Advocate. 

1688. Discourse of the Building, Nature, Excellency, and Govern- 
ment of the House of God. 

1688. The Water of Life. 

1688. Solomon's Temple spiritualized, or Gospel-light fetcht out of 
the Temple at Jerusalem. 



BIBLIOGRAPHY XIX 

SUGGESTIVE QUESTIONS FOR THE STUDY OF 
" GRACE ABOUNDING" 

1. Bunyan, like his father, was by trade a " tinker." What impres- 
sions of the social rank of the " tinker " in the seventeenth century 
do you get from the following references to the plays of Shakespeare ? 
Winter's Tale, IV, iii, 19 and 103; / Henry IV, II, iv, 20; 
2 Henry VI, III, ii, 277. 

2. Discuss the statement, " No man ever owed more to his limi- 
tations than Bunyan." 

3. Does he seem to have been chiefly a man of action or a man 
of thought ? 

4. In his mental life does he seem to have been under the control 
of his feelings or of his will ? Give reasons for your answer. 

5. What proof of Bunyan's tolerance and dislike of controversy 
do you find in this book ? 

6. Was Bunyan's dislike for the Quakers unwarranted? 

7. What was his attitude toward the " Ranters," and who 
were they? 

8. What books besides the Bible had Bunyan read ? 

9. What passages seem to you best to illustrate Bunyan's shrewd- 
ness and good sense ? his humility ? 

10. What instances do you find of Bunyan's satiric humor? 

11. Do you think that Bunyan was a staunch loyalist or not? 
What light is thrown on this question by p. 135, 11. 25-28? 

12. Illustrate Bunyan's colloquial manner by p. 37, 1. 28 ff. Com- 
pare his use of " such " with that in the modern colloquial phrase, 
" such a one." 

13. Do you find other instances of such a colloquialism as that on 
p. 109, 1. 7? 

14. In what sense is "should" used on p. 57, 1. 30? Compare 
* the German sollen. 

15. Explain the colloquial form " a-coming," p. no, 1. 7. 



xx BIBLIOGRAPHY 

16. In what sense is "must" used on p. 91, 1. 4, and p. 92, 1. 10? 
Compare Milton's Lya'das, 1. 38. 

17. In what sense is " sot " used on p. 21, 1. 14? Compare Shake- 
speare's Cym&e/ine,V, v, 177. From what language do we get the 
word ? 

18. Point out cases of alliteration. 

19. Illustrate from the text his use of exclamation, and of repeti- 
tion for emphasis. 

20. What passages seem best to exemplify Bunyan's use of con- 
crete imagery to reveal different states of mind ? 

21. Illustrate the effect upon Bunyan's style of his reading of the 
Bible. See p. 4, 1. 2, and compare Judges xiv. 12-14. What other 
examples of this influence can you find ? 

22. What is the prevailing form of the sentences — periodic, loose, 
balanced ? 

23. How does the average length of the sentences compare with 
that of modern journalistic writing ? 

24. The book may conveniently be divided into four sections, as 
follows: Section I, §§ 1-36; Section II, §§ 37-252; Section III, 
§§253-317; Section IV, §§ 318-339. Select appropriate headings 
for these sections. 

25. What should you say, judging from this book, was the Puritan 
attitude toward life present and to come ? 

26. What reason is there for calling the book an " epic of the 
inner life"? 



GRACE ABOUNDING 



TO THE 



CHIEF OF SINNERS: 



OR, 



A BRIEF AND FAITHFUL RELATION OF THE EXCEEDING 
MERCY OF GOD IN CHRIST TO HIS POOR SERVANT, 



JOHN BUNYAN; 



WHEREIN IS PARTICULARLY SHOWED THE MANNER OF HIS CONVERSION, 

HIS SIGHT AND TROUBLE FOR SIN, HIS DREADFUL TEMPTATIONS, 

ALSO HOW HE DESPAIRED OF GOD'S MERCY, AND HOW THE 

LORD AT LENGTH THROUGH CHRIST DID DELIVER 

HIM FROM ALL THE GUILT AND TERROR THAT 

LAY UPON HIM. 

Whereunto is added a brief relation of his call to the work of the ministry, 

of his temptations therein, as also what he hath met with in prison. 

All which was written by his own hand there, and now 

published for the support of the weak and 

tempted people of God. 



Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he 
hath done for my soul.'' — Psal. lxvi. 16. 



London : Printed by George Larkin, 1666. 
[A reproduction of. the title-page of first edition] 



A PREFACE, 

OR 
BRIEF ACCOUNT OF THE PUBLISHING THIS WORK, 

Written by the Author thereof, and dedicated to those whom God hath counted 
him worthy to beget to Faith, by his Ministry in the Word 

Children, grace be ivith you, Amen. I being take?i from you 
in presence, and so tied up that I ca?inot perform that duty that 
from God doth lie upo?i me to you-tvard, for your further edifying 
and building up in faith a?id holiness, &*c, yet that you may see 
my soul hath fatherly care and desire after your spiritual and 5 
everlasting welfare, I now once again, as before from the top of 
Shenir and Hermon, so now from the lions' dens, and from the 
Mountains of the Leopards, 1 do look yet after you all, greatly 
longing to see your safe arrival into THE desired haven. 

I thank God upon every Remembrance of you ; and rejoice, even 10 
while I stick between the Teeth of the Lions in the Wilderness, 
at the Grace, and Mercy, and Knowledge of Christ our Saviour, 
which God hath bestowed upo?i you, with abundance of faith 
a?id love. Your Hungerings and Thirstings also after further 
Acquaintance with the Father, in his Son; your Tenderness of 15 
Heart, your Trembling at Sin, your sober and holy Deportme?it 
also before both God and Men, is great Refreshment to me; For 
you are my glory and joy. 2 

I have sent you here enclosed a drop of that Honey, that I have 
taken out of the Carcase of a Lion? L have eaten thereof myself 20 
also, and am much refreshed thereby. Temptations, when we 
meet them at first, are as the Lion that roared upo?i Samson ; but 

1 Cant. 4. 8. 2 ! Th. 2. 20. 3 j u dg. 14. 5-9. 

3 



4 AUTHOR'S PREFACE 

if we overcome them, the next time we see them, we shall fi?id a 
Nest of Honey within them. The Philistines understand me not. 
It is something a Relation of the Work of God upon my own 
Soul, even from the very first, till now ; wherein you may per- 
5 ceive my Castings down, and Risings up ; for he woundeth, and 
his Hands make whole. It is written in the Scripture, The 
father to the Children shall make known the Truth of God. 1 
Yea, it was for this Reason I lay so lo?ig at Sinai, to see the Fire, 
and the Cloud, and the Darkness? that I might fear the Lord 

io all the days of my Life upon Earth, and tell of his wondrous 
Works to my Children. 3 

Moses writ* of the fourneyings of the Children of Israel, from 
Egypt to the land of Ca?iaan ; and commanded also, that they 
did remember their forty Years' Travel in the wilderness. b Thou 

15 shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee 
these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to 
prove thee, to know what was in thy heart, whether thou 
wouldest keep his commandments, or no. Wherefore this I 
have endeavoured to do ; and not only so, but to publish it also ; 

20 that, if God will, others may be put in remembrance of what he 
hath done for their Souls, by reading his Work upo?i me. 

It is profitable for Christians to be often calling to mind the 
very Beginnings of Grace with their Souls. It is a night to 
be much observed unto the Lord for bringing them out from 

25 the land of Egypt : this is that night of the Lord to be 
observed of all the children of Israel in their generations. 6 
My God, saith David, my soul is cast down within me ; 
therefore will I remember thee from the land of fordan, and 
of the Hermonites, from the hill Mizar? He reme?7ibered also the 

30 Lion and the Bear, when he went to fight with the Giant of Gath. 8 

// was Paul's accustomed maiuier, and that when tried for 

his life, even to open, before his fudges, the manner of his 

1 Is. 38. 19. 3 p s . 78. 3-5. 5 Deut. 8. 2. 5" Ps. 42. 6. 

2 Deut. 4. 10, 11. 4 Numb. 33. 1, 2. 6 Ex. 12. 42. 8 x Sam. 17. 36, 37. 



AUTHOR'S PREFACE 5 

Conversion : he would think of that Day, a?id that Hour, in the 
which he first did meet ivith Grace ; for he found it supported 
him} When God had brought the children of Israel out of the 
Red Sea, far into the Wilderness, yet they must turn quite about 
thither again, to remember the drowning of their Enemies there} 5 
For though they sang his Praise before, yet they soon forgat his 

Works} 

In this Discourse of mine you may see much; much, I say, of 
the Grace of God towards me. I tha7ik God I can count it much, 
for it was above my Sins and Satan's temptations too. I can 10 
remember my Fears, and Doubts, and sad Months with Comfort ; 
they are as the head of Goliah in my Hand. There was nothing 
to David like Goliah 's Sword, even that Sword that should have 
bee?i sheathed in his Bowels ; for the very sight and remembrance 
of that did preach forth God's Deliverance to him. Oh, the 15 
Remembrance of my great Sins, of my great Temptations, and of 
my great Fears of perishing for ever ! They bring afresh into my 
mind the Remembrance of my great Help, my great Support from 
Heaven, and the great grace that God extended to such a wretch 
as I. 20 

My dear children, call to mind the former days, and Years 
of ancient Times : remember also your Songs in the Night ; a?id 
commune with your own Hearts} Yea, look diligently, and leave 
jio Corner therein unsearched, for there is Treasure hid, even the 
Treasure of your first and second Experience of the Grace of God 25 
toward you. Remember^ I say, the word that first laid hold 
upon, you ; remember your Terrors of Conscience, and Fear of 
Death and Hell ; remember also your Tears and Prayers to God ; 
yea, how you sighed under every Hedge for Mercy. Have you 
never an Hill Mizar to remember ? Have you forgot the Close, 30 
the Milk-house, the Stable, the Barn, and the like, where God 
did visit your Souls? Remember also the Word — the Word, I 
say, upon which the lord hath caused you to Hope. If you have 
1 Acts 22. Acts 24. 2 Numb. 14. 25. 3 p s . 106. 11-13. 4 Ps. 77. 5-12. 



6 AUTHOR'S PREFACE 

sinned against Light; if you are tempted to Blaspheme; if you 
are down in Despair; if you think God fights against you ; or 
if Heaven is hid from your Eyes, remember it was thus with 
your Father ; but out of them all the Lord delivered me. 
5 I could have enlarged much in this my Discourse, of my 
Temptations and Troubles for Sin ; as also of the merciful Kind- 
ness a7id Working of God with my Soul. I could also have 
stepped into a Style much higher than this in which I have here 
Discoursed, and could have adorned all things more than here 

10 I have seemed to do ; but I dare not. God did not play in con- 
vi7icing of me ; the Devil did not play in tempting of me ; neither 
did I play when I simk as into a bottomless pit, when the pangs 
of hell caught hold upon me : wherefore I may not play in my 
relating of them, but be plain and si??iple, and lay down the thing 

15 as it was. He that liketh it, let him receive it; and he that does 
not, let him p7'oduce a better. Farewell. 

My dear children, the Milk and Honey is beyond this Wilder- 
ness. God be merciful to you, and grant you be not slothful to 
go in to possess the land. 

JO. BUNYAN 



GRACE ABOUNDING 

TO THE 

CHIEF OF SINNERS: 



A BRIEF RELATION OF THE EXCEEDING MERCY OF GOD IN 
CHRIST TO HIS POOR SERVANT, JOHN BUNYAN 

i . In this my Relation of the merciful Working of God upon 
my Soul, it will not be amiss, if, in the first place, I do, in a few- 
Words, give you a Hint of my Pedigree, and manner of bring- 
ing up ; that thereby the Goodness and Bounty of God towards 
me maybe the more advanced and magnified before the Sons 5 
of Men. 

2. For my Descent, then, it was, as is well known by many, 
of a low and inconsiderable Generation ; my Father's House 
being of that Rank that is meanest and most despised of all 
the Families in the Land. Wherefore I have not here, as others, 10 
to boast of noble Blood or of a high-born State according to the 
Flesh; though, all things considered, I magnify the heavenly 
Majesty, for that by this door he brought me into this world, to 
partake of the Grace and Life that is in Christ by the Gospel. 

3. But yet, notwithstanding the meanness and inconsiderable- 15 
ness of my Parents, it pleased God to put it into their Hearts 

to put me to School, to learn both to read and write ; the which 
I also attained, according to the Rate of other poor Men's Chil- 
dren ; though to my shame I confess I did soon lose that little 
I learnt, even almost utterly, and that long before the Lord did 20 
work his gracious Work of Conversion upon my Soul. 

4. As for my own natural life, for the time that I was with- 
out God in the world, it was indeed according to the Course of 

7 



8 GRACE ABOUNDING 

this World, and the Spirit that now worketh in the Children of 
disobedience} It was my delight to be taken captive by the 
Devil at his will? being filled with all Unrighteousness : the 
which did also so strongly work and put forth itself, both in 
5 my Heart and Life, and that from a Child, that I had but few 
Equals (especially considering my years, which were tender, 
being few,) both for cursing, swearing, lying, and blaspheming 
the holy Name of God. 

5. Yea, so settled and rooted was I in these things, that 
10 they became as a second Nature to me. The which, as I also 

have with soberness considered since, did so offend the Lord, 
that even in my Childhood he did scare and affright me with 
fearful Dreams, and did terrify me with dreadful Visions. For 
often after I had spent this and the other day in sin I have in 
15 my Bed been greatly afflicted, while asleep, with the apprehen- 
sions of Devils and wicked Spirits, who still, as I then thought, 
laboured to draw me away with them, of which I could never 
be rid. 

6. Also I should, at these years, be greatly afflicted and 
20 troubled with the thoughts of the Day of Judgment, and that 

both night and day, and should tremble at the thoughts of the 

fearful Torments of Hell fire ; still fearing that it would be my 

. Lot to be found at last among those Devils and hellish Fiends, 

who are there bound down with the Chains and Bonds of Dark- 

2 5 ness, unto the judgment of the great day. 

7. These things, I say, when I was but a Child, but nine or ten 
years old, did so distress my Soul, that then in the midst of my 
many Sports and Childish Vanities, amidst my vain Companions, 
I was often much cast down and afflicted in my Mind therewith, 

30 yet could I not let go my Sins. Yea, I was also then so over- 
come with despair of life and heaven, that I should often wish 
either that there had been no Hell, or that I had been a Devil 
— supposing they were only Tormentors ; that if it must needs 

1 Eph. 2. 2,3. 2 2 Tim. 2. 26. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 9 

be that I went thither, I might be rather a Tormentor, than be 
tormented myself. 

8. A while after these terrible dreams did leave me, which 
also I soon forgot; for my pleasures did quickly cut off the 
remembrance of them, as if they had never been. Wherefore, 5 
with more greediness, according to the strength of nature, I did 
still let loose the Reins to my lust, and delighted in all Trans- 
gression against the Law of God : so that, until I came to the 
State of Marriage, I was the very Ringleader of all the Youth 
that kept me company, in all manner of vice and ungodliness. 10 

9. Yea, such prevalency had the Lusts and Fruits of the 
Flesh in this poor Soul of mine, that, had not a Miracle of 
precious Grace prevented, I had not only perished by the 
Stroke of eternal Justice, but had also laid myself open even 

to the Stroke of those Laws, which bring some to Disgrace 15 
and open Shame before the Face of the World. 

10. In these days, the thoughts of Religion were very griev- 
ous to me. I could neither endure it myself, nor that any other 
should. So that when I have seen some read in those Books 
that concerned Christian Piety it would be as it were a prison 20 
to me. Then I said unto God, Depart from me, for I desire not 
the knowledge of thy ways} I was now void of all good Consid- 
eration ; Heaven and Hell were both out of sight and mind ; 
and as for Saving and Damning, they were least in my thoughts. 

O Lord, thou knowest my life, and my ways were not hid from thee. 25 

1 1 . Yet this I well remember, that though I could myself sin 
with the greatest Delight and Ease, and also take pleasure in 
the Vileness of my Companions ; yet, even then, if I have at 
any time seen wicked things by those who professed goodness, 

it would make my Spirit tremble. As once, above all the rest, 3° 
when I was in my heighth of Vanity, yet hearing one to sweai 
that was reckoned for a religious Man, it had so great a stroke 
upon my Spirit, that it made my heart to ake. 

1 Job 21. 14. 



IO GRACE ABOUNDING 

12. But God did not utterly leave me, but followed me still, 
not now with Convictions, but Judgments ; yet such as were 
mixed with Mercy. For once I fell into a Creek of the Sea, 
and hardly escaped drowning. Another time I fell out of a boat 

5 into Bedford river, but Mercy yet preserved me alive. Besides, 
another time, being in the Field with one of my Companions, it 
chanced that an Adder passed over the Highway ; so I, hav- 
ing a stick in my Hand, struck her over the Back, and having 
stunned her, I forced open her Mouth with my Stick, and 
io plucked her Sting out with my Fingers ; by which act, had not 
God been merciful unto me, I might, by my desperateness, 
have brought myself to mine End. 

13. This also have I taken notice of with thanksgiving. When I 
was a Soldier, I, with others, were drawn out to go to such a place 

15 to besiege it ; but when I was just ready to go, one of the Com- 
pany desired to go in my Room ; to which when I had consented, 
he took my Place ; and coming to the Siege, as he stood Sentinel, 
he was shot into the head with a Musket bullet, and died. 

14. Here, as I said, were Judgments and Mercy, but neither 
20 of them did awaken my Soul to Righteousness ; wherefore I 

sinned still, and grew more and more Rebellious against God, 
and careless of mine own Salvation. 

15. Presently after this, I changed my Condition into a mar- 
ried State, and my Mercy was to light upon a Wife whose Father 

25 was counted godly. This Woman and I, though we came to- 
gether as poor as poor might be (not having so much household 
stuff as a Dish or Spoon betwixt us both,) yet this she had for 
her part, The Plain Man's Pathway to Heaven, and The Practice 
of Piety, which her Father had left her when he died. In these 

30 two Books I should sometimes read with her, wherein I also 
found some things that were somewhat pleasing to me ; (but all 
this while I met with no Conviction.) She also would be often 
telling of me, what a godly Man her Father was, and how he 
would reprove and correct Vice, both in his House, and amongst 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS II 

his Neighbours ; what a strict and holy life he lived in his Days 
both in Word and Deed. 

1 6. Wherefore these Books with this relation, though they 
did not reach my Heart to awaken it about my sad and sinful 
State, yet they did beget within me some desires to Religion : 5 
so that, because I knew no better, I fell in very eagerly with 
the Religion of the times ; to wit, to go to Church twice a day, 
and that too with the foremost ; and there should very devoutly 
both say and sing as others did, yet retaining my wicked Life. 
But withal, I was so overrun with the spirit of superstition, that 10 
I adored, and that with great devotion, even all things (both the 
High place, Priest, Clerk, Vestment, Service, and what else) 
belonging to the Church ; counting all things holy that were 
therein contained, and especially the Priest and Clerk most 
happy, and without doubt, greatly blessed, because they were 15 
the Servants, as I then thought, of God, and were Principal in 
the holy Temple, to do his Work therein. 

17. This Conceit grew so strong in little time upon my 
Spirit, that had I but seen a priest (though never so sordid and 
debauched in his Life) I should find my Spirit fall under him, 20 
reverence him and knit unto him. Yea, I thought for the Love 

I did bear unto them (supposing they were the Ministers of 
God,) I could have lain down at their feet, and have been 
trampled upon by them ; their Name, their Garb, and Work, 
did so intoxicate and bewitch me. 25 

18. After I had been thus for some considerable time, another 
Thought came into my mind ; and that was, whether we were 
of the Israelites, or no ? For finding in the Scriptures that 
they were once the peculiar People of God, thought I, if I were 
once of this Race, my Soul must needs be happy. Now again, 30 
I found within me a great longing to be resolved about this 
Question, but could not tell how I should. At last I asked my 
Father of it ; who told me — No, we were not. Wherefore then 

I fell in my Spirit as to the hopes of that and so remained. 



12 GRACE ABOUNDING 

19. But all this while, I was not sensible of the danger and 
evil of sin. I was kept from considering that sin would damn 
me, what Religion soever I followed, unless I was found in 
Christ. Nay, I never thought of him, nor whether there was 

5 one, or no. Thus man, while Wind, doth wander, but wearieth 
himself with vanity, for he knoweth not the way to the city of God} 

20. But one day, amongst all the Sermons our Parson made, 
his Subject was, to treat of the Sabbath-day, and of the Evil of 
breaking that, either with Labour, Sports, or otherwise. Now I 

10 was, notwithstanding my Religion, one that took much delight 
in all manner of Vice, and especially that was the day that I did 
solace myself therewith. Wherefore I fell in my Conscience 
under his Sermon, thinking and believing that he made that 
Sermon on purpose to show me my evil doing. And at that 

15 time I felt what guilt was, though never before, that I can 
remember. But then I was, for the present, greatly loaden 
therewith, and so went home when the Sermon was ended, with 
a great burden upon my Spirit. 

21. This, for that instant, did benumb the Sinews of my 
20 best Delights, and did imbitter my former Pleasures to me. 

But behold, it lasted not, for before I had well dined, the 
Trouble began to go off my Mind, and my Heart returned to 
its old Course. But oh ! how glad was I, that this Trouble was 
gone from me, and that the Fire was put out, that I might sin 
25 again without control ! Wherefore, when I had satisfied Nature 
with my Food, I shook the Sermon out of my Mind, and to my 
old Custom of Sports and Gaming I returned with great Delight. 

22. But the same day, as I was in the midst of a game at 
Cat, and having struck it one blow from the Hole, just as I 

30 was about to strike it the second time, a Voice did suddenly 

dart from Heaven into my Soul, which said, Wilt thou leave 

thy sins and go to Heaven, or have thy sins and go to Hell 2 At 

this I was put to an exceeding Maze. Wherefore, leaving my 

1 Eccl. 10. 15. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 1 3 

Cat upon the ground, I looked up to Heaven, and was as if I 
had, with the Eyes of my understanding, seen the Lord Jesus 
looking down upon me, as being very hotly displeased with me, 
and as if he did severely threaten me with some grievous Pun- 
ishment for these and other my ungodly Practices. 5 

23. I had no sooner thus conceived in my Mind, but sud- 
denly this conclusion was fastened on my Spirit, (for the former 
hint did set my sins again before my Face,) that I had been a 
great and grievous sinner, and that it was now too late for me to 
look after Heaven ; for Christ would not forgive me, nor pardon 10 
my transgressions. Then I fell to musing upon this also. And 
while I was thinking on it and fearing lest it should be so, I 
felt my Heart sink in despair, concluding it was too late ; and 
therefore I resolved in my Mind I would go on in sin. For, 
thought I, if the case be thus, my State is surely miserable. 15 
Miserable if I leave my sins, and but miserable if I follow 
them. I can but be damned, and if I must be so, I had as good 
be damned for many sins as be damned for few. 

24. Thus I stood in the midst of my Play, before all that 
then were present ; but yet I told them nothing. But I say, I 20 
having made this conclusion, I returned desperately to my 
sport again ; and I well remember, that presently this kind of 
Despair did so possess my Soul, that I was persuaded, I could 
never attain to other Comfort than what I should get in sin ; 
for Heaven was gone already, so that on that I must not 25 
think. Wherefore I found within me a great desire to take my 
fill of sin, still studying what sin was yet to be committed, that 

I might taste the sweetness of it. And I made as much haste 
as I could to fill my Belly with its Delicates, lest I should die 
before I had my Desire ; for that I feared greatly. In these 30 
things, / protest before God, I lie not, neither do I feign this 
sort of Speech. These were really, strongly, and with all my 
heart, my desires. The good Lord, whose mercy is unsea7-chable, 
forgive me my transgressions. 



14 GRACE ABOUNDING 

25. And I am very confident, that this Temptation of the 
Devil is more usual amongst poor Creatures than many are 
aware of, even to overrun their Spirits with a scurfy and seared 
frame of Heart, and benumbing of Conscience ; which Frame, 

5 he stilly and slily supplieth with such despair, that though not 
much guilt attendeth Souls, yet they continually have a secret 
conclusion within them, that there is no hopes for them ; for 
they have loved sins, therefore after them they will go} 

26. Now therefore I went on in sin with great greediness of 
10 Mind, still grudging that I could not be so satisfied with it as 

I would. This did continue with me about a Month, or more. 
But one day, as I was standing at a Neighbour's Shop-window, 
and there cursing and swearing, and playing the Madman, after 
my wonted manner, there sat within the Woman of the House 

1 5 and heard me ; who, though she was a very loose and ungodly 
Wretch, yet protested that I swore and cursed at that most 
fearful Rate, that she was made to tremble to hear me ; and 
told me further, That I was the ungodliest fellow for swearing 
that ever she heard in all her Life ; and that I, by thus doing, 

20 was able to spoil all the Youth in a whole Town, if they came 
but in my Company. 

27. At this reproof I was silenced, and put to secret shame, 
and that too, as I thought, before the God of Heaven. Where- 
fore, while I stood there, and hanging down my Head, I wished 

25 with all my Heart that I might be a little child again, that my 
Father might learn me to speak without this wicked way of 
swearing ; for, thought I, I am so accustomed to it, that it is 
in vain for me to think of a reformation ; for I thought it could 
never be. 

30 28. But, how it came to pass I know not, I did from this 
time forward so leave my swearing, that it was a great wonder 
to myself to observe it. And whereas before I knew not how 
to speak unless I put an Oath before, and another behind, to 

1 Jer. 2. 25 ; iS. 12. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS I 5 

make my words have authority ; now, I could, without it, speak 
better and with more pleasantness, than ever I could before. 
All this while I knew not Jesus Christ, neither did I leave my 
Sports and Plays. 

29. But quickly after this, I fell in company with one poor 5 
man that made profession of Religion ; who, as I then thought, 
did talk pleasantly of the Scriptures, and of the matters of Reli- 
gion. Wherefore, falling into some love and liking to what he 
said, I betook me to my Bible, and began to take great pleas- 
ure in reading ; but especially with the historical part thereof. 10 
For, as for Raul's epistles, and suchlike Scriptures, I could not 
away with them, being as yet but ignorant, either of the Cor- 
ruptions of my Nature, or of the want and worth of Jesus 
Christ to save me. 

30. Wherefore I fell to some outward Rejormation, both in 15 
my words and life, and did set the Commandments before mejor 
my way to Heaven ; which Commandments I also did strive to 
keep, and, as I thought, did keep them pretty well sometimes^ 
and then I should have comjort ; yet now and then should 
break one, and so afflict my Conscie?ice ; but then I should 20 
repent, and say I was sorry for it, and promise God to do 
better next time, and there get help again, for then I thought 

I pleased God as well as any man in E?igland. 

31. Thus I continued about a year; all which time our 
Neighbours did take me to be a very godly Man, a new and 25 
religious man, and did marvel much to see such a great and 
famous alteration in my Life and Manners. And, indeed, so it 
was, though yet I knew not Christ, nor Grace, nor Faith, nor 
Hope. And, truly, as I have well seen since, had I then died, 
my state had been most fearful. Well, this, I say, continued 30 
about a twelvemonth or more. 

32. But, I say, my Neighbours were amazed at this my 
great Conversion from prodigious Profaneness to something 
like a moral Life. And, truly, so they well might ; for this my 



16 GRACE ABOUNDING 

Conversion was as great, as for Tom of Bethlem to become a 
sober Man. Now, therefore, they began to praise, to commend, 
and to speak well of me, both to my face, and behind my back. 
Now, I was, as they said, become godly ; now, I was become a 
5 right honest man. But, oh ! when I understood that these were 
their words and opinions of me, it pleased me mighty well. For 
though, as yet, I was nothing but a poor painted Hypocrite, 
yet I loved to be talked of as one that was truly godly. I was 
proud of my Godliness, and, indeed, I did all I did, either to be 
10 seen of, or to be well spoken of, by Man. And thus I contin- 
ued for about a Twelve Month or more. 

33. Now, you must know, that before this I had taken much 
delight in Ringing, but my Co?iscience beginning to be tender, 
I thought such practice was but vain, and therefore forced my- 

15 self to leave it, yet my mind hankered. Wherefore I should go 
to the Steeple house^ and look on it, though I durst not ring. 
But I thought this did not become Religion neither, yet I forced 
myself, and would look on still. But quickly after, I began to 
think, How, if one of the Bells should fall ? Then I chose to 

20 stand under a main Beam, that lay overthwart the Steeple, 
from side to side, thinking there I might stand sure. But then 
I should think again, Should the Bell fall with a swing, it might 
first hit the wall, and then rebounding upon me, might kill me 
for all this Beam. This made me stand in the Steeple door ; 

25 and now, thought I, I am safe enough ; for, if a Bell should 
then fall I can slip out behind these thick Walls, and so be pre- 
served notwithstanding. 

34. So after this, I would yet go to see them ring, but would 
not go further than the Steeple-door ; but then it came into my 

30 Head, How, 'if the Steeple itself should fall ? And this thought, 
It may fall for ought I know, when I stood and looked on did 
continually so shake my mi?id that I durst not stand at the 
Steeple-door any longer, but was forced to flee, for fear the 
Steeple should fall upon my head. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 1 7 

35. Another thing was my Dancing. I was a full year be- 
fore I could quite leave that. But all this while, when I thought 
I kept this or that Commandment, or did, by word or deed, 
anything that I thought was good, I had great Peace in my 
Co?iscience; and should think with myself, God cannot choose 5 
but be now pleased with me ; yea, to relate it in mine own way, 

I thought no man in England could please God better than I. 

36. But poor Wretch as I was, I was all this while ignorant 
of Jesus Christ, and going about to establish my own Righteous- 
ness ; and had perished therein, had not God, in mercy, showed 10 
me more of my State by nature. 

37. But upon a day the good providence of God did cast 
me to Bedford, to work on my Calling; and in one of the 
Streets of that Totem, I came where there were three or four 
poor Women sitting at a door in the Sun, and talking about the 1 5 
things of "God ; and being now willing to hear them discourse 

I drew near to hear what they said, for I was now a brisk 
Talker also myself in the matters of Religion. But I may say, 
/ heard, but I understood not ; for they were far above, out of 
my reach. Their talk was about a new Birth, the work of God 20 
on their hearts, also how they were convinced of their miserable 
state by nature. They talked how God had visited their souls 
with his love in the Lord Jesus, and with what words and prom- 
ises they had been refreshed, comforted, and supported against 
the temptations of the Devil. Moreover they reasoned of the 25 
Suggestions and Temptations of Satan in particular ; and told 
to each other by which they had been afflicted, and how they 
were borne up under his assaults. They also discoursed of 
their own wretchedness of heart, of their Unbelief; and did 
contemn, slight, and abhor their own Righteousness, as filthy 30 
and insufficient to do them any good. 

38. And methought they spake as if Joy did make them 
speak ; they spake with such pleasantness of Scripture Lan- 
guage, and with such appearance of grace in all they said, that 



18 GRACE ABOUNDING 

they were to me, as if they had found a new World, as if they 
were people that dwelt alone, and were not to be reckoned amongst 
their Neighbours} 

39. At this I felt my own Heart began to shake, and mis- 
5 trust my Condition to be naught ; for I saw that in all my 

thoughts about Religion and Salvation, the new Birth did never 
enter into my Mind, neither knew I the Comfort of the Word 
and Promise, nor the Deceitfulness and Treachery of my own 
wicked Heart. As for secret Thoughts, I took no notice of 
10 them ; neither did I understand what Satan's Temptations were, 
nor how they were to be withstood and resisted, &c. 

40. Thus, therefore, when I had heard and considered what 
they said, I left them, and went about my employment again, 
but their Talk and Discourse went with me ; also my heart 

15 would tarry with them, for I was greatly affected with their 
words, both because by them I was convinced that I wanted 
the true Tokens of a truly godly Man, and also because by 
them I was convinced of the happy and blessed Condition of 
him that was such an one. 

20 41. Therefore I should often make it my business to be 
going again and again into the Company of these poor People ; 
for I could not stay away. And the more I went amongst 
them, the more I did question my Condition ; and as I still do 
remember, presently I found two things within me at which I 

25 did sometimes marvel (especially considering what a blind, igno- 
rant, sordid, and ungodly W T retch but just before I was) ; the 
one was a very great softness and tenderness of Heart, which 
caused- me to fall under the Conviction of what by Scripture 
they asserted ; and the other was a great Bending in my Mind 

30 to a continual meditating on them, and on all other good things 
which at any time I heard or read of. 

42. By these things my Mind was now so turned that it lay 
like a Horse-leech at the Vein, still crying out, Give, give 2 ; yea, 

1 Numb. 23. 2 Prov. 30. 15. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 19 

it was so fixed on Eternity, and on the things about the King- 
dom of Heaven (that is, so far as I knew, though as yet, God 
knows, I knew but little) ; that neither Pleasures, nor Profits, 
nor Persuasions, nor Threats, could loosen it, or make it let go 
his Hold. And though I may speak it with shame, yet it is in 5 
very deed a certain Truth, it would then have been as difficult 
for me to have taken my mind from Heaven to Earth, as I 
have found it often since to get it again from Earth to Heaven. 

43. One thing I may not omit. There was a young man in 
our town, to whom my Heart was knit more than to any other, 10 
but he being a most wicked Creature for cursing and swearing 
and whoring, I now shook him off and forsook his Company ; 
but about a quarter of a year after I had left him, I met him 

in a certain lane, and asked him how he did ; he, after his old 
swearing and mad way, answered, He was well. But, Harry, 15 
said I, Why do you swear and curse thus ? What will become 
of you, if you die in this condition ? He answered me in a great 
chafe, What would the Devil do for Company, if it we?'e not for 
such as I am ? 

44. About this time I met with some Ranters' Books, that 20 
were put forth by some of our Countrymen, which Books were 
also highly in esteem by several old Professors ; some of these 

I read, but was not able to make a Judgment about them. 
Wherefore as I read in them, and thought upon them (feeling 
myself unable to judge), I should betake myself to hearty 25 
prayer in this manner : O Lord, I am a fool, and not able to 
know the Truth from Error. Lord, leave me not to my own. 
Bli?idness, either to approve of, or condemn this Doctrine. Lf it 
be of God, let me not despise it ; if it be of the Devil, let me not 
embrace it. Lord, L lay my Soul, in this matter, only at thy foot ; 30 
let me not.be deceived, L humbly beseech thee. I had one religious 
intimate Companion all this while, and that was the poor Man 
that I spoke of before. But about this time he also turned a 
most devilish Ranter, and gave himself up to all manner of 



20 GRACE ABOUNDING 

filthiness, especially Uncleanness. He would also deny that 
there was a God, Angel, or Spirit ; and would laugh at all ex- 
hortations to sobriety. When I laboured to rebuke his wicked- 
ness, he would laugh the more, and pretend that he had gone 
5 through all Religions, and could never light on the right till 
now. He told me also, that in a little time I should see all 
Professors turn to the ways of the Ranters. Wherefore, abom- 
inating those cursed Principles, I left his Company forthwith, 
and became to him as great a Stranger, as I had been before 
10 a Familiar. 

45. Neither was this man only a temptation to me; but my 
Calling lying in the country, I happened to light into several 
People's Company, who, though strict in Religion formerly, yet 
were also swept away by these Ranters. These would also talk 

1 5 with me of their Ways, and condemn me as legal and dark ; 
pretending that they only had attained to perfection that could 
do what they would, and not sin. Oh ! These Temptations 
were suitable to my Flesh, I being but a young Man, and my 
Nature in its prime. But God, who had, as I hope, designed 

20 me for better things, kept me in the fear of his name, and did 
not suffer me to accept of such cursed Principles. And blessed 
be God, who put it into my heart to cry to him to be kept and 
directed, still distrusting mine own wisdom ; for I have since 
seen even the effect of that Prayer, in his preserving me not 

25 only from Ranting errors, but from those also that have sprung 
up since. The Bible was precious to me in those days. 

46. And now, methought, I began to look into the Bible 
with new eyes, and read as I never did before ; and especially 
the Epistles of the Apostle St. Paul were sweet and pleasant 

30 to me ; and, indeed, I was then never out of the Bible, either 
by reading or meditation ; still crying out to God, that I might 
know the truth, and way to Heaven and Glory. 

47. And as I went on and read, I lighted on that passage, 
x To one is given by the Spirit the word of wisdom ; to another 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 21 

the word of knowledge by the same Spirit ; and to another faith? 
&c} And though, as I have since seen, that by this Scripture 
the Holy Ghost intends, in special, things extraordinary, yet on 
me it did then fasten with conviction, that I did want things 
ordinary, even that understanding and wisdom that other Chris- 5 
tians had. On this word I mused, and could not tell what to 
do, especially this word Faith put me to it, for I could not 
help it, but sometimes must question, whether I had any Faith 
or no. For I feared that it shut me out of all the blessings that 
other good people had given them of God. But I was loth to 10 
conclude I had no Faith ; for if I do so, thought I, then I shall 
count myself a very Cast-away indeed. 

48. No, said I with myself, though I am convinced that I 
am an ignorant Sot, and that I want those blessed Gifts of 
Knoivledge and Understanding that other good People have ; 1 5 
yet, at a venture, I will conclude I am not altogether faithless, 
though I know not what Faith is. For it was shewed me, and 
that too (as I have seen since), by Srtan, that those who con- 
clude themselves in a faith/ess State, have neither rest nor quiet 

in their Souls ; and I was loth to fall quite into despair. 20 

49. Wherefore, by this suggestion, I was for a while made 
afraid to see my want of Faith. But God would not suffer me 
thus to undo and destroy my Soul, but did continually, against 
this my blind and sad Conclusion, create still within me such 
suppositions, insomuch that I could not rest content, until I 25 
did now come to some certain Knowledge, whether I had Faith 
or no ; this always running in my mind, But how if you want 
faith i?ideed ? But how can you tell you have Faith ? And, 
besides, I saw for certain, if I had it not, I was sure to perish 
for ever. 30 

50. So that though I endeavoured at the first to look over ■ 
the business of Faith, yet in a little time, I better considering 
the matter, was willing to put myself upon the trial, whether 

1 1 Cor. 12. 8, 9. 



22 GRACE ABOUNDING 

I hao! Faith or no. But, alas, poor wretch, so ignorant and 
brutish was I, that I knew to this day no more how to do it, 
than I know how to begin and accomplish that rare and curious 
piece of Art, which I never yet saw nor considered. 
5 51. Wherefore, while I was thus considering, and being put 
to my plunge about it (for you must know, that as yet I had in 
this matter broken my Mind to no Man, only did hear and con- 
sider), the Tempter came in with his delusion, That there was 
710 way for me to know I had faith, but by trying to work some 

10 Miracle ; urging those Scriptw-es that seem to look that way, 
for the enforcing and strengthening his Temptation. Nay, one 
day as I was betwixt Elstow and Bedford, the temptation was 
hot upon me, to try if I had Faith, by doing of some Miracle : 
which Miracle at that time was this, I must say to the Puddles 

1 s that were in the horse-pads, Be dry ; and to the dry places, Be 
you the Puddles. And truly, one time I was going to say so 
indeed ; but just as I was about to speak, this thought came into 
my mind, But go under yonder Hedge and pray first, that God 
would make you able. But when I had concluded to pray, this 

20 came hot upon me, That if I prayed, and came again and tried 
to do it, and yet did nothing notwithstanding, then be sure I had 
no Faith, but was a Cast-away and lost. Nay, thought I, if it 
be so, I will never try yet, but will stay a little longer. 

52. So I continued at a great loss; for I thought, if they 

25 only had Faith, which could do so wonderful things, then I con- 
cluded, that, for the present, I neither had it, nor yet, for time 
to come, were ever like to have it. Thus I was tossed betwixt 
the Devil and my own Ignorance, and so perplexed, especially 
at some times, that I could not tell what to do. 

30 53. About this time, the state and happiness of these poor 
people at Bedford was thus, in a Dream or Vision, presented to 
me. I saw, as if they were set on the Sunny side of some high 
Mountain, there refreshing themselves with the pleasant beams 
of the Sun, while I was shivering and shrinking in the Cold, 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 23 

afflicted with Frost, Snow, and dark Clouds. Methought, also, 
betwixt me and them, I saw a wall that did compass about this 
mountain ; now, through this wall my soul did greatly desire to 
pass ; concluding, that if I could, I would go even into the very 
midst of them, and there also comfort myself with the heat of 5 
their Sun. 

54. About this wall I thought myself to go again and again, 
still prying as I went, to see if I could find some way or passage, 
by which I might enter therein ; but none could I find for some 
time. At the last, I saw, as it were, a narrow gap, like a little 10 
doorway in the Wall, through which I attempted to pass ; Now 
the passage being very strait and narrow, I made many efforts 

to get in, but all in Vain, even until I was well nigh quite beat 
out, by striving to get in. At last, with great striving, methought 
I at first did get in my head, and after that, by a sidling striving, 1 5 
my Shoulders and my whole Body. Then was I exceeding glad, 
and went and sat down in the midst of them, and so was com- 
forted with the light and heat of their Sun. 

55. Now, this Mountain and Wall, &c, was thus made out 

to me — the Mountain signified the Church of the living God ; 20 
the Sun that shone thereon, the comfortable shining of his merci- 
ful Face on them that were therein ; the Wall, I thought, was 
the Word, that did make separation between the Christians and 
the World ; and the Gap which was in this Wall, I thought, was 
Jesus Christ, who is the way to God the Father 1 . But foras- 25 
much as the Passage was wonderful narrow, 2 even so narrow, 
that I could not, but with great difficulty, enter in thereat, it 
showed me that none could enter into Life, but those that were 
in downright earnest, and unless also they left this wicked World 
behind them ; for here was only room for Body and Soul, but 3° 
not for Body and Soul, and Sin. 

56. This resemblance abode upon my Spirit many days; all 
which time, I saw myself in a forlorn and sad Condition, but yet 

1 John 14. 6. 2 Matt. 7. 14. 



24 GRACE ABOUNDING 

was provoked to a vehement hunger and desire to be one of that 
number that did sit in the Sunshine. Now also I should pray 
wherever I was, whether at home or abroad, in house or field, 
and should also often, with lifting up of heart, sing that of the 
5 5 1 st psalm, O Lord, consider my distress ; for as yet I knew not 
where I was. 

57. Neither as yet could I attain to any comfortable persuasion 
that I had Faith in Christ ; but instead of having satisfaction, here 
I began to find my Soul to be assaulted with fresh doubts about 

10 my future happiness ; especially with such as these, Whether I 
was elected ? But how, if the Day of Grace should now be past 
and go?ie ? 

58. By these two Temptations I was very much afflicted and 
disquieted ; sometimes by one, and sometimes by the other of 

15 them. And first, to speak of that about my questioning my Elec- 
tion, I found at this time that though I was in a flame to find 
the way to Heaven and Glory, and though nothing could beat 
me off from this, yet this Question did so offend and discourage 
me, that I was, especially at some times, as if the very strength 

20 of my body also had been taken away by the force and power 
thereof. This scripture did also seem to me to trample upon all 
my desires, It is neither in him that willeth, ?ior in him that run- 
neth, but in God that sheweth mercy} 

59. With this Scripture I could not tell what to do ; for I evi- 
25 dently saw that unless the great God, of his infinite Grace and 

Bounty, had voluntarily chosen me to be a Vessel of Mercy, 
though I should desire and long and labour until my heart did 
break, no good could come of it. Therefore, this would still stick 
with me, How can you tell you are Elected? And what if you 
30 should not ? How then ? 

60. O Lord, thought I, what if I should not, indeed ? It may 
be you are not, said the Tempter. It may be so, indeed, thought 
I. Why, then, said Satan, you had as good leave off, and strive 

1 Rom. 9. 16. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 25 

no further ; for if, indeed, you should not be elected and chosen 
of God, there is no talk of your being saved ; For it is neither 
in him that ivilleth, nor in him that runneth, but in God that 
sheweth mercy. 

61. By these things I was driven to my Wits' end, not know- 5 
ing what to say, or how to answer these temptations. (Indeed, 

I little thought that Satan had thus assaulted me, but that rather 
it was my own Prudence, thus to start the Question ;) for, that 
the Elect only attained Eternal Life, that I, without scruple, did 
heartily close withal ; but that myself was one of them, there lay 10 
all the Question. 

62. Thus, therefore, for several days, I was greatly assaulted 
and perplexed, and was often, when I have been walking, ready 
to sink where I went, with faintness in my Mind. But one day, 
after I had been so many Weeks oppressed and cast down 15 
therewith, as I was now quite giving up the Ghost of all my 
hopes of ever attaining Life, that Sentence fell with weight upon 
my Spirit. Look at the generations of Old and see ; did ever any 
trust i?i God, a?id were confounded 1 } 

63. At which I was greatly lightened and encouraged in my 20 
Soul ; for thus, at that very instant, it was expounded to me, Begin 

at the beginning of Genesis, and read to the end of the Revelations, 
and see if you can find that there was ever any that trusted in the 
Lord, a?id was confounded. So, coming home I presently went 
to my Bible to see if I could find that saying, not doubting but to 25 
find it presently ; for it was so fresh, and with such strength and 
comfort on my Spirit, that I was as if it talked with me. 

64. Well, I looked, but I found it not ; only it abode upon 
me. Then I did ask first this good Man, and then another, if 
they knew where it was, but they knew no such place. At this 30 
I wondered that such a sentence should so suddenly, and with 
such comfort and strength, seize and abide upon my heart, and 
yet that none could find it. For I doubted not but it was in 
holy Scripture. 



26 GRACE ABOUNDING 

65. Thus I continued above a year, and could not find the 
place ; but at last, casting my eye into the Apocrypha books, I 
found it in Ecclesiasticus. 1 This, at the first, did somewhat daunt 
me ; but because, by this time, I had got more experience of the 

5 love and kindness of God, it troubled me the less ; especially 
when I considered that though it was not in those Texts that we 
call Holy and Canonical, yet forasmuch as this sentence was the 
sum and substance of many of the Promises, it was my duty to 
take the comfort of it. And I bless God for that word, for it 
10 was of God to me. That word doth still, at times, shine before 
my face. 

66. After this, that other doubt did come with strength upon 
me, But how if the day of Grace should be past and gone ? How 
if you have overstood the time of Mercy. ? Now, I remember that 

1 5 one day, as I was walking into the Country, I was much in the 
thoughts of this, But how if the day of Grace be past ? And to 
aggravate my trouble, the Tempter presented to my mind those 
good people of Bedford, and suggested thus unto me, That these 
being converted already, they were all that God would save in 

20 those parts ; and that I came too late for these had got the 
Blessing before I came. 

67. Now was I in great distress, thinking in very deed that 
this might well be so. Wherefore I went up and down bemoan- 
ing my sad condition, counting myself far worse than a thousand 

25 fools, for standing off thus long, and spending so many years in 
sin as I have done ; still crying out, Oh, that I had turned 
sooner ; Oh, that I had turned seven years ago ! It made me 
also angry with myself, to think that I should have no more 
Wit, but to trifle away my time till my Soul and Heaven were 

30 lost. 

68. But when I had been long vexed with this fear, and was 
scarce able to take one step more, just about the same place 
where I received my other encouragement, these words broke in 

1 Ecclus. 2. 10. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 2J 

upon my mind, Compel them to come in, that my House may be 
filled ; a n d yet there is room} These words, but especially them, 
And yet there is room, were sweet words to me ; for, truly, I 
thought that by them I saw there was place enough in Heaven 
for me ; and, moreover, that when the Lord Jesus did speak these 5 
words, he then did think of me ; and that he knowing that the 
time would come that I should be afflicted with fear that there 
was no place left for me in his Bosom, did before speak this 
word, and leave it upon record, that I might find help thereby 
against this vile Temptation. This, I then verily believed. 10 

69. In the light and encouragement of this Word, I went a 
pretty while ; and the comfort was the more, when I thought 
that the Lord Jesus should think on me so long ago, and that he 
should speak them words on purpose for my sake. For I did 
then think verily that he did on purpose speak them to encourage 1 5 
me withal. 

70. But I was not without my Temptations to go back again. 
Temptations, I say, both from Satan, mine own heart, and car- 
nal acquaintance. But I thank God these were out-weighed by 
that sound sense of Death and of the Day of Judgment, which 20 
abode, as it were, continually in my view. I should often also 
think on Nebuchadnezzar, of whom it is said, He had given him 
all the Kingdoms of the Earth. 11 Yet, thought I, if this great 
man had all his portion in this world, one Hour in Hell-fire 
would make him forget all. Which Consideration was a great 25 
help to me. 

71. I was almost made, about this time, to see something 
concerning the beasts that Moses counted clean and unclean. I 
thought those Beasts were Types of Men ; the clean, types of 
them that were the people of God ; but the imclean, types of 30 
such as were the Children of the wicked One. Now, I read that 
the clean beasts Chewed the cud ; that is, thought I, they show 
us we must feed upon the Word of God. They also parted the 

1 Luke 14. 22, 23. 2 Dan. 5. 18, 19. 



28 GRACE ABOUNDING 

hoof ; I thought that signified we must part, if we would be 
saved, with the ways of ungodly men. And also, in further read- 
ing about them I found, that though we did chew the cud as the 
Hare, yet if we walked with Claws like a Dog, or if we did part 
5 the Hoof like the Swifie, yet if we did not chew the cud as the 
Sheep, we were still, for all that, but unclean ; 1 for I thought the 
Hare to be a type of those that talk of the Word, yet walk in 
the ways of sin ; and that the Swine was like him that parteth 
with his Outward pollutions, but still wanteth the Word of Faith, 

10 without which there could be no way of salvation, let a Man be 
never so devout. After this I found, by reading the Word, that 
those that must be glorified with Christ in another World must 
be called by him here ; called to the partaking of a share in his 
Word and Righteousness, and to the comforts and first-Fruits of 

1 5 his Spirit, and to a peculiar interest in all those heavenly things 
which do indeed fore-fit the Soul for that Rest and House of 
Glory which is in Heaven above. 

72. Here, again, I was at a very great stand, not knowing 
what to do, fearing I was not called ; for, thought I, if I be not 

20 called, what then can do me good? None but those who are effec- 
tually called, inherit the kingdom of heaven. But oh ! how I now 
loved those words that spake of a Christian's calling ! as when 
the Lord said to one, Follow me ; and to another, Come after me. 
A?id oh ! thought I, that he would say so to me too, how gladly 

25 would I run after him / 

73. I cannot now express with what longings and breakings 
in my Soul I cried to Christ to call me. Thus I continued for a 
time, all on a flame to be converted to Jesus Christ ; and did 
also see all that day, such glory in a Converted state, that I 

30 could not be contented without a share therein. Gold ! could 
it have been gotten for Gold, what could I have given for it ! had 
I had a whole World it had all gone ten thousand times over 
for this, that my Soul might have been in a converted state. 
1 Deut. 14. 6, 8. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 29 

74. How lovely now was every one in my Eyes that I thought 
to be converted Men and Women ! they shone, they walked 
like people that carried the Broad Seal of Heaven about them. 
Oh ! I saw the Lot was fallen to them in pleasant places, and 
they had a goodly Heritage. 1 But that which made me sick 5 
was that of Christ, in Mark, He went up into a mountain and 
called to him whom he would, and they came unto him? 

75. This Scripture made me faint and fear, yet it kindled fire 
in my Soul. That which made me fear was this, lest Christ should 
have no liking to me, for he called whom he would. But oh ! the 10 
glory that I saw in that Condition did still so engage my heart 
that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call but I pres- 
ently wished, Would I had been i?i their clothes ; would I had been 
born Peter ; would I had been born John ; or would I had been 
by and had heard him when he called them, how would I 15 
have cried, O Lord, call me also. But oh ! I feared he would not 
call me. 

76. And truly the Lord let me go thus many Months together 
and showed me nothing ; either that I was already, or should be 
called hereafter. But at last, after much time spent, and many 20 
Groans to God, that I might be made partaker of the Holy and 
Heavenly calling, that Word came in upon me — I will cleanse 
their Blood that I have not cleansed, for the Lord dwelleth in Zion* 
These words I thought were sent to encourage me to wait still 
upon God, and signified unto me, that if I were not already, yet 25 
time might come I might be in truth converted unto Christ. 

77. About this time I began to break my mind to those poor 
people in Bedford, and to tell them my Condition ; which, when 
they had heard, they told Mr. Giffordoi me, who himself also took 
occasion to talk with me, and was willing to be well persuaded 30 
of me, though I think but from little grounds. But he invited me 

to his House, where I should hear him confer with others, about 
the dealings of God with their Souls, from all which I still received 

1 Ps. 16. 6. 2 Mark 3. 13. 3 Joel 3. 21. 



30 GRACE ABOUNDING 

more Conviction, and from that time began to see something 
of the Vanity and inward Wretchedness of my wicked Heart, 
for as yet I knew no great matter therein ; but now it began to 
be discovered unto me, and also to work at that rate for wicked- 
5 ness as it never did before. Now I evidently found that Lusts 
and Corruptions would strongly put forth themselves within me, 
in wicked thoughts and desires, which I did not regard before ; 
my Desires also for Heaven and Life began to fail. I found 
also, that whereas before my Soul was full of longing after 

10 God, now my heart began to hanker after every foolish vanity ; 
yea, my heart would not be moved to mind that that was 
good ; it began to be careless, both of my Soul and Heaven ; 
it would now continually hang back, both to, and in every duty ; 
and was as a Clog on the Leg of a Bird to hinder her from 

15 flying. 

78. Nay, thought I, now I grow worse and worse; now am 
I farther from Conversion than ever I was before. Wherefore 
I began to sink greatly in my Soul, and began to entertain such 
discouragement in my Heart as laid me low as Hell. If now I 

20 should have burned at the Stake, I could not believe that Christ 
had love for me ; alas, I could neither hear him, nor see him, 
nor feel him, nor savour any of his things. I was driven as with 
a Tempest : my Heart would be unclean : the Ca?iaanites would 
dwell in the land. 

25 79. Sometimes I would tell my Condition to the People of 
God, which, when they heard, they would pity me, and would 
tell me of the Promises. But they had as good have told me 
that I must reach the Sun with my finger as have bidden me 
receive or rely upon the Promise ; and as soon as I should have 

30 done it, all my Sense and Feeling was against me ; and I saw 
I had a Heart that would sin, and that lay under a Law that 
would condemn. 

80. These things have often made me think of the Child 
which the Father brought to Christ, who, while he was yet a 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 31 

coming to him, was thrown down by the Devil?- and also so rent 
and torn by him that he lay a7id wallowed, foaming. 2 

81. Further, in these days I should find my heart to shut 
itself up against the Lord, and against his holy Word. I have 
found my Unbelief to set, as it were, the shoulder to the door 5 
to keep him out, and that too even then, when I have with 
many a bitter sigh cried, Good Lord, break it open ; Lord, break 
these Gates of Brass, and cut these bars of Iron asunder. 8 Yet 
that word would sometimes create in my heart a peaceable 
pause, I girded thee, though thou hast not known me} 10 

82. But all this while as to the act of sinning, I never was 
more tender than now. I durst not take a pin or a stick, though 
but so big as a straw, for my conscience now was sore, and 
would smart at every touch ; I could not now tell how to speak 
my words, for fear I should misplace them. Oh, how gingerly 15 
did I then go in all I did or said ! I found myself as on a miry 
Bog that shook if I did but stir ; and was as there left both of 
God and Christ, and the Spirit, and all good things. 

83. But, I observe, though I was such a great sinner before 
conversion, yet God never much charged the guilt of the sins 20 
of my ignorance upon me ; only he showed me I was lost if 

I had not Christ, because I had been a Sinner. I saw that I 
wanted a perfect Righteousness to present me without fault 
before God ; and this Righteousness was nowhere to be found, 
but in the Person of Jesus Christ. 25 

84. But my original and inward pollution, that, that was my 
plague and my affliction ; that, I say, at a dreadful rate, always 
putting forth itself within me ; that I had the guilt of, to amaze- 
ment ; by reason of that, I was more loathsome in my own Eyes 
than was a Toad ; and I thought I was so in God's Eyes too. 30 
Sin and Corruption, I said, would as naturally bubble out of 
my Heart as Water would bubble out of a Fountain. I thought 

1 Luke 9. 42. 3 p s . 107. 16. 

2 Mark 9. 20. 4 i sa> 45. tj t 



32 GRACE ABOUNDING 

now that every one had a better heart than I had ; and could 
have changed heart with any body. I thought none but the 
Devil himself could equalize me for inward wickedness and pol- 
lution of Mind. I fell, therefore, at the sight of my own vileness, 
5 deeply into despair ; for I concluded that this condition that I 
was in could not stand with a state of Grace. Sure, thought I, 
I am forsaken of God ; sure I am given up to the Devil, and to 
a reprobate mind. And thus I continued a long while, even for 
some Years together. 

10 85. While I was thus afflicted with the fears of my own dam- 
nation, there were two things would make me wonder; the one 
was, when I saw old People hunting after the things of this 
life, as if they should live here always ; the other was, when I 
found Professors much distressed and cast down, when they 

1 5 met with outward losses ; as of Husband, Wife, Child, &c. 
Lord, thought I, what ado is here about such little things as these / 
What seeking after carnal things by some, and what grief in 
others for the loss of the?n ! If they so much labour after, and 
spend so many tears for the things of this present life, how am I 

20 to be bemoaned, pitied, and prayed for ! My soul is dying, my 
soul is damning. Were my soul but in a good condition, and 
were I but sure of it, ah ! how rich should I esteem myself, though 
blessed with Bread and Water. I should count those but small 
Afflictions, and should bear them as little Burthens. A wounded 

25 spirit who can bear? 

86. And though I was thus troubled, and tossed, and afflicted, 
with the sight and sense and terror of my own wickedness, yet 
I was afraid to let this sight and sense go quite off my mind ; 
for I found, that unless guilt of Conscience was taken off the 

30 right way, that is, by the Blood of Christ, a man grew rather 
worse for the loss of his trouble of Mind, than better. Where- 
fore, if my guilt lay hard upon me, then I should cry that the 
Blood of Christ might take it off ; and if it was going off without 
it (for the sense of Sin would be sometimes as if it would die, 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 33 

and go quite away), then I would also strive to fetch it upon my 
heart again, by bringing the punishment for sin in Hell-fire upon 
my Spirits ; and should cry, Lord, let it not go off my heart, but 
the right way, but by the Blood of Christ, and by the application 
of thy Mercy, through him, to my Soul ; for that Scripture lay 
much upon me, without shedding of Blood is no remission} And 
that which made me the more afraid of this was, because I had 
seen some, who, though when they were under wounds of Con- 
science, then they would cry and pray ; but they seeking rather 
present ease from their trouble than pardon for their sin, cared 
not how they lost their guilt so they got it out of their mind ; 
and, therefore, having got it off the wrong way, it was not sanc- 
tified unto them ; but they grew harder and blinder and more 
wicked after their trouble. This made me afraid, and made me 
cry to God the more, that it might not be so with me. 

87. And now was I sorry that God had made me a man, for 
I feared I was a Reprobate. I counted man as unconverted, 
the most doleful of all the Creatures. Thus being afflicted and 
tossed about my sad condition, I counted myself alone, and 
above the most of men unblessed. 

88. Yea, I thought it impossible that ever I should attain to 
so much goodness of heart, as to thank God that he had made 
me a man. Man indeed is the most noble by Creation of all 
creatures in the visible World ; but by sin he had made himself 
the most ignoble. The beasts, birds, fishes, &c, I blessed their 
condition, for they had not a sinful nature, they were not ob- 
noxious to the wrath of God ; they were not to go to Hell-fire 
after death. I could therefore have rejoiced, had my condition 
been as any of theirs. 

89. In this condition I went a great while ; but when com- 
forting time was come, I heard one preach a Sermon upon 
those words in the Song, Behold thou art fair, my Love ; behold, 
thou a ;i fair. 2 But at that time he made these two words, My 

1 Heb. 9. 22. 2 Cant. 4. 1. 



34 GRACE ABOUNDING 

Love, his chief and subject matter ; from which, after he had a 
little opened the Text, he observed these several Conclusions : 
i. That the Church, and so every saved Soul, is Christ's Love, 
when loveless. 2. Christ's Love without a cause. 3. Christ's 
5 Love when hated of the World. 4. Christ's Love when under 
temptation, and under desertion. 5. Christ's Love from first 
to last. 

90. But I got nothing by what he said at present, only when 
he came to the Application of the fourth Particular, this was the 

10 word he said ; If it be so, that the saved soul is Christ's Love when 
under Temptation and Desertion ; then poor tempted Soul, when 
thou art assaulted and afflicted with temptation, and the hidings 
of God's face, yet think on these two words, My Love, still. 

91. So as I was a going home, these words came again into 
1 5 my thoughts ; and I well remember, as they came in, I said 

thus in my heart, What shall I get by thinking o?i these two 
words ? This thought had no sooner passed through my heart, 
but the words began thus to kindle in my spirit, Thou art my 
Love, thou art my Love, twenty times together ; and still as they 

20 ran thus in my mind, they waxed stronger and warmer, and began 
to make me look up. But being as yet between hope and fear, 
I still replied in my heart, But is it t?-ue, but is it true ? At which, 
that Sentence fell in upon me, He wist not that it was true which 
was done by the angel} 

25 92. Then I began to give place to the Word, which, with 
power, did over and over make this joyful sound within my 
Soul, Thou art my Love, thou art my Love ; and nothi?ig shall 
separate thee from my Love ; and with that Romans eight, thirty- 
nine came into my mind. Now was my heart filled full of comfort 

30 and hope, and now I could believe that my sins should be for- 
given me ; yea, I was now so taken with the love and mercy of 
God, that I remember I could not tell how to contain till I got 
Home. I thought I could have spoken of his Love, and of his 
1 Acts 12. 9. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 35 

Mercy to me, even to the very Crows that sat upon the ploughed 
Lands before me, had they been capable to have understood 
me ; wherefore I said in my soul, with much gladness, Well, I 
would I had a Pen and Ink here, Ituouldivrite this dowfi before 
I go any further, for surely I will not forget this Forty Years 5 
hence. But, alas ! within less than Forty Days, I began to ques- 
tion all again ; which made me begin to question all still. 

93. Yet still at times, I was helped to believe that it was a 
true manifestation of Grace unto my Soul, though I had lost 
much of the life and savour of it. Now about a Week or Fort- 10 
night after this, I was much followed by this Scripture, Simon, 
Simon, behold Satan hath desired to have you. 1 And sometimes it 
would sound so loud within me, yea, and as it were call so 
strongly after me, that once above all the rest, I turned my head 
over my shoulder, thinking verily that some Man had, behind 15 
me, called to me ; being at a great distance, methought he called 

so loud. It came, as I have thought since, to have stirred me 
up to prayer, and to watchfulness ; it came to acquaint me 
that a cloud and a storm was coming down upon me, but I 
understood it not. 20 

94. Also, as I remember, that time that it called to me so loud, 
was the last time that it sounded in mine ear ; but methinks 
I hear still with what a loud voice these words, Simon, Simon, 
sounded in mine ears. I thought verily, as I have told you, that 
somebody had called after me, that was half a Mile behind me ; 25 
and although that was not my Name, yet it made me suddenly 
look behind me, believing that he that called so loud meant me. 

95. But so foolish was I, and ignorant, that I knew not the 
reason of this sound ; which, as I did both see and feel soon after, 
was sent from Heaven as an Alarm, to awaken me to provide 30 
for what was coming ; only it would make me muse and wonder 

in my mind, to think what should be the reason that this Scrip- 
ture, and that at this rate, so often and so loud, should still be 

1 Luke 22.31. 



36 GRACE ABOUNDING 

sounding and rattling in mine ears. But, as I said before, I soon 
after perceived the end of God therein. 

96. For, about the space of a Month after a very great storm 
came down upon me, which handled me twenty times worse than 
5 all I had met with before. It came stealing upon me, now by 
one piece, then by another ; first, all my comfort was taken from 
me, then darkness seized upon me, after which, whole floods of 
blasphemies, both against God, Christ, and the Scriptures, were 
poured upon my spirit, to my great confusion and astonishment. 

10 These blasphemous thoughts were such as also stirred up ques- 
tions in me, against the very Being of God, and of his only be- 
loved Son ; as, whether there were, in truth, a God, or Christ, 
or no ? And whether the holy Scriptures were not rather a 
Fable, and cunning story, than the holy and pure Word of God ? 

15 97. The tempter would also much assault me with this, How 
can you tell but that the Turks had as good Scriptures to prove 
their Mahomet the Saviour, as we have to prove our Jesus is ? 
And, could I think, that so ma?iy ten thousands, in so many 
Countries and Kingdoms, should be without the knowledge of the 

20 right way to Heaven ; (if there were indeed a heaven), and that 
tve only, who live in a corner of the Earth, should alone be blessed 
therewith ? Every one doth think his own religion lightest, both 
Jews and Moors, and Pagans ! and how if all our Eaith, and 
Christ, and Scriptii7'es, should be but a Think-so too ? 

25 98. Sometimes I have endeavoured to argue against these 
Suggestions, and to set some of the Sentences of blessed Paul 
against them ; but, alas ! I quickly felt, when I thus did, such 
arguings as these would return again upon me, Though we 
made so great a matter of Paul, and of his words, yet how could 

30 I tell but that in very deed, he being a subtle and cunning man, 
might give himself up to deceive with strong delusions ; and also 
take that pains and t?'avel to undo and destroy his fellows. 

99. These suggestions, (with many other which at this time 
I may not, nor dare not utter, neither by word nor pen,) did 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS ^ 

make such a seizure upon my spirit, and did so overweigh my 
heart, both with their number, continuance, and fiery force, that 
I felt as if there were nothing else but these from morning to 
night within me ; and as though, indeed, there could be room 
for nothing else ; and also concluded, that God had, in very 5 
wrath to my soul, given me up unto them, to be carried away 
with them, as with a mighty Whirlwind. 

100. Only by the distaste that they gave unto my spirit, 
I felt there was something in me, that refused to embrace them. 
But this consideration I then only had, when God gave me 10 
leave to swallow my Spittle * ; otherwise the noise, and strength, 
and force of these temptations, would drown and overflow and 
as it were, bury all such thoughts or the remembrance of any 
such thing. While I was in this temptation, I should often 
find my Mind suddenly put upon it, to curse and swear, or to 15 
speak some grievous thing against God, or Christ his Son, and 
of the Scriptures. 

1 o 1 . Now I thought, surely I am possessed of the devil. At 
other times again, I thought I should be bereft of my wits ; for 
instead of lauding and magnifying God the Lord with others, 20 
if I have but heard him spoken of, presently some most horrible 
blasphemous thought or other, would bolt out of my heart 
against him. So that whether I did think that God was, or 
again did think there were no such thing ; no love, nor peace, 
nor gracious disposition could I feel within me. 25 

102. These things did sink me into very deep despair; for 
I concluded, that such things could not possibly be found 
amongst them that loved God. I often, when these temptations 
have been with force upon me, did compare myself in the case 
of such a child, whom some Gipsy hath by force took up under 30 
her Apron, and is carrying from Friend and Country. Kick 
sometimes I did, and also shriek and cry ; but yet I was as 
bound in the wings of the temptation, and the wind would carry 

1 Job 7. 19. 



38 GRACE ABOUNDING 

me away. I thought also of Saul, and of the evil spirit that did 
possess him 1 ; and did greatly fear that my condition was the 
same with that of his. 

103. In these days, when I have heard others talk of what 
5 was the sin against the Holy Ghost, then would the Tempter so 

provoke me to desire to sin that sin, that I was as if I could 
not, must not, neither should be quiet until I had committed 
that. Now, no sin would serve but that ; if it were to be com- 
mitted by speaking of such a word, then I have been as if my 

10 Mouth would have spoken that word, whether I would or no ; 
and in so strong a measure was this temptation upon me, that 
often I have been ready to clap my hand under my Chin, to 
hold my Mouth from opening ; and to that end also I have had 
thoughts at other times, to leap with my head downward, into 

1 5 some Muck-hill hole or other, to keep my Mouth from speaking. 

104. Now I blessed the condition of the Dog and Toad, and 
counted the estate of everything that God had made far better 
than this dreadful state of mine, and such as my Companions 
was ; yea, gladly would I have been in the condition of Dog or 

20 Horse, for I knew they had no soul to perish under the ever- 
lasting weights of Hell or Sin, as mine was like to do. Nay, and 
though I saw this, felt this, and was broken to pieces with it, 
yet that which added to my sorrow was, that I could not find 
that with all my Soul I did desire deliverance. That scripture 

25 did also tear and rend my soul, in the midst of these distractions, 
The wicked are like the troubled sea which cantiot rest, whose 
Waters cast up Mire and Dirt. There is no peace to the wicked, 
saith my God} 

105. And now my heart was, at times, exceeding hard. If 
3° I would have given a thousand Pounds for a Tear, I could not 

shed one ; no, nor sometimes scarce desire to shed one. I was 
much dejected to think that this should be my lot. I saw some 
could mourn and lament their sin ; and others, again, could 

1 j Sam. 16. 14. 2 Is. 57. 20, 21, 






TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 39 

rejoice, and bless God for Christ ; and others, again, could quietly 
talk of, and with gladness remember, the Word of God ; while I 
only was in the storm or tempest. This much sunk me. I thought 
my condition was alone. I should, therefore, much bewail my 
hard hap ; but get out of, or get rid of, these things, I could not. 5 

106. While this temptation lasted, which was about a year, 
I could attend upon none of the Ordinances of God but with 
sore and great Affliction. Yea, then was I most distressed with 
blasphemies ; if I have been hearing the Word, then unclean- 
ness, blasphemies, and despair would hold me a Captive there ; 10 
if I have been reading, then, sometimes, I had sudden thoughts 

to question all I read ; sometimes, again, my Mind would be so 
strangely snatched away, and possessed with other things, that 
I have neither known, nor regarded, nor remembered so much 
as the sentence that but now I have read. 15 

107. In Prayer, also, I have been greatly troubled at this 
time. Sometimes I have thought I should see the devil, nay, 
thought I have felt him, behind me, pull my Clothes. He would 
be, also, continually at me in the time of Prayer to have done ; 
Break off, make haste, you have prayed enough, and stay no 20 
longer ; still drawing my Mind away. Sometimes, also, he would 
cast in such wicked thoughts as these : that I must pray to him, 

or for him. I have thought sometimes of that — Fall down, or, 
if thou ivilt fall dozvn and worship me} 

108. Also, when, because I have had wandering thoughts 25 
in the time of this Duty, I have laboured to compose my Mind 
and fix it upon God, then, with great force, hath the Tempter 
laboured to distract me, and confound me, and' to turn away my 

1 Mind, by presenting to my heart and fancy the form of a Bush, 
a Bull, a Besom, or the like, as if I should pray to those. To 30 
these he would, also, at some times especially, so hold my Mind 
that I was as if I could think of nothing else, or pray to nothing 
else but to these, or such as they. 

1 Matt. 4. 9. 



40 GRACE ABOUNDING 

109. Yet, at times I should have some strong and heart- 
affecting apprehensions of God, and the reality of the truth of 
his Gospel. But, oh ! how would my heart, at such times, put 
forth itself with inexpressible groanings. My whole soul was 
5 then in every word. I should cry with pangs after God that 
he would be merciful unto me. But then I should be daunted 
again with such conceits as these ; I should think that God did 
mock at these, my prayers, saying, and that in the audience of 
the holy angels, This poor si)nple wretch doth hanker after me 

10 as if I had nothing to do with my mercy but to bestotu it on such 
as he. Alas, poor Fool! how art thou deceived! It is not for 
such as thee to have favour with the Highest. 

no. Then hath the Tempter come upon me, also, with such 
discouragements as these — You are very hot for mercy, but 1 

15 will cool you ; this frame shall not last always ; Many have been 
as hot as you for a spurt, but I have quenched their zeal. And 
with this, such and such who were fallen off would be set before 
mine Eyes. Then I should be afraid that I should do so too. 
But, thought I, I am glad this comes into my Mind. Well, J 

20 will watch, and take what heed I can. Though you do, said 
Satan, I shall be too hard for you ; I will cool you insensibly, by 
degrees, by little and little. What ca?-e I, saith he, though I be 
seven years in chillifig your heaii; if I can do it at last 1 Con- 
tinual rocking will lull a crying Child asleep. I will ply it close, 

25 but I will have my end accomplished. Though you be burning 
hot at present, yet, if I can pull you from this Fire, I shall have 
you cold before it be long. 

in. These things brought me into great straits ; for as I 
at present could not find myself fit for present death, so I 

30 thought to live long would make me yet more unfit ; for time 
would make me forget all, and wear even the remembrance of 
the evil of sin, the worth of Heaven, and the need I had of the 
Blood of Christ to wash me, both out of Mind and Thought. 
But I thank Christ Jesus these things did not at present make 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 41 

me slack my crying, but rather did put me more upon it, (like 
her who met with the adulterer 1 ,) in which days that was a good 
word to me after I had suffered these things a while : / am per- 
suaded that neither height, nor depth, death nor life, &c, shall 
separate us from the Love of God, which is in Christ fesus} And 5 
now I hoped long life should not destroy me, nor make me miss 
of Heaven. 

112. Yet I had some supports in this temptation, though 
they were then all questioned by me. That in the third of 
Jeremiah, at the first, was something to me, and so was the 10 
consideration of the fifth verse of that Chapter ; that though 
we have spoken and done as evil things as we could, yet we 
should cry unto God, My father, thou art the guide of my youth ; z 
and should return unto him. 

113. I had, also, once a sweet glance from that in the fifth 15 
of second Corinthians, For he hath niade him to be sin for us, 
who knew no sin ; that we might be made the Righteousness of 
God in him. I remember, also, that one day as I was sitting in 

a Neighbour's House, and there very sad at the consideration 
of my many blasphemies, and as I was saying in my mind, 20 
What ground have I to think that I, who have been so vile and 
abominable, should ever inherit Eternal Life ? that word came 
suddenly upon me, What shall we then say to these things ? If 
God be for us, who can be against us ? 4 That, also, was an help 
unto me, Because L live, ye shall live also. 5 But these were but 25 
hints, touches, and short visits, though very sweet when present ; 
only they lasted not ; but, like to Peter's Sheet, of a sudden were 
caught up from me to Heaven again. 6 

114. But afterwards the Lord did more fully and graciously 
discover himself unto me ; and, indeed, did quite, not only 30 
deliver me from the guilt that, by these things, was laid upon 
my Conscience, but also from the very filth thereof; for the 

1 Deut. 22. 27. 3 j er . 3. 4, 5. 5 j h n 14. 19. 

2 Rom. 8. 38, 39. 4 Rom. S. 31. 6 Acts 10. 16. 



42 GRACE ABOUNDING 

temptation was removed, and I was put into my right Mind 
again, as other Christians were. 

115. I remember that one day, as I was travelling into the 
Country and musing on the wickedness and blasphemy of my 

5 Heart, and considering of the enmity that was in me to God, 
that scripture came in my mind, He hath made peace by the 
Blood of his Cross} By which I was made to see, both 
again, and again, and again, that day, that God and my 
soul were Friends by this Blood ; yea, I saw that the Justice 
10 of God and my sinful Soul could embrace and kiss each other 
through this Blood. This was a good day to me ; I hope I shall 
not forget it. 

116. At another time, as I sat by the fire in my House, and 
musing on my wretchedness, the Lord made that also a precious 

15 word unto me, Forasmuch, then, as the Children are partakers 
of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same ; 
that through death he might destroy him that had the power of 
death, that is, the Devil, and deliver them who, through fear of 
death, were all their lifetime subject to bondage} I thought that 

20 the glory of these words was then so weighty on me that I was, 
both once and twice, ready to swoon as I sat ; yet not with 
grief and trouble, but with solid joy and peace. 

117. At this time, also, I sat under the ministry of holy 
Mr. Gifford, whose Doctrine, by God's Grace, was much for 

25 my stability. This man made it much his business to deliver 
the People of God from all those false and unsound rests that, 
by nature, we are prone to take and make to our souls. He 
would bid us take special heed that we took not up any truth 
upon trust, as from this, or that, or any other man or men, but 

30 to cry mightily to God that he would convince us of the reality 

thereof, and set us down therein, by his own Spirit, in the Holy 

Word. For, said he, if you do otherwise when temptations come, 

if strongly, you, not having received them with evidence from 

1 Col. 1. 20. 2 Heb. 2. 14, 15. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 43 

heaven, will find you want that help and strength now to resist 
as once you thought you had. 

118. This was as seasonable to my Soul as the former and 
latter Rain in their season ; for I had found, and that by sad 
experience, the truth of these his words ; for I had felt no man 5 
can say, especially when tempted by the Devil, that Jesus Christ 

is Lord but by the Holy Ghost. Wherefore I found my Soul, 
through Grace, very apt to drink in this Doctrine, and to incline 
to pray to God that, in nothing that pertained to God's glory 
and my own eternal happiness, he would suffer me to be with- 10 
out the confirmation thereof from Heaven ; for now I saw 
clearly there was an exceeding difference betwixt the notions of 
flesh and blood, and the Revelations of God in Heaven ; also, a 
great difference between that Faith that is feigned, and accord- 
ing to Man's Wisdom, and of that which comes by a Man's 15 
being born thereto of God. 1 

119. But, oh ! now, how was my Soul led from truth to truth 
by God ! Even from the Birth and Cradle of the Son of God 
to his Ascension and Second Coming from Heaven to judge 
the world. 20 

120. Truly, I then found, upon this account, the great God 
was very good unto me ; for, to my remembrance, there was 
not anything that I then cried unto God to make known and 
reveal unto me but he was pleased to do it for me ; I mean 
not one part of the Gospel of the Lord Jesus, but I was orderly 25 
led into it. Methought I saw with great evidence, from the re- 
lation of the four Evangelists, the wonderful work of God, in 
giving Jesus Christ to save us, from his Conception and Birth 
even to his Second Coming to Judgment. Methought I was as 

if I had seen him born, as if I had seen him grow up, as if I 30 
had seen him walk through this World, from the Cradle to his 
Cross ; to which, also, when he came, I saw how gently he gave 
himself to be hanged and nailed on it for my sins and wicked 

1 Matt. 16. 15-17 ; 1 John 5. 1. 



44 GRACE ABOUNDING 

doings. Also, as I was musing on this, his progress, that 
dropped on my spirit, He was ordained for the slaughter} 

121. When I have considered also the truth of his resurrec- 
tion, and have remembered that word, Touch me not, Mary, 2 

5 &c, I have seen as if he leaped at the Grave's mouth for joy 
that he was risen again, and had got the conquest over our 
dreadful foes. I have also, in the Spirit, seen him a Man on 
the Right Hand of God the Father for me ; and have seen the 
manner of his coming from Heaven to judge the World with 
io Glory, and have been confirmed in these things by these Scrip- 
tures following, Acts i. 9, 10; vii. 56; x. 42. 1 Thessalonians 
iv. 17, 18. Hebrews vii. 24; viii. 3. Revelations i. 18. 

122. Once I was much troubled to know whether the Lord 
Jesus was both Man as well as God, and God as well as Man ; 

15 and truly, in those days, let men say what they would, unless 
I had it with evidence from Heaven, all was as nothing to me, 
I counted not myself set down in any truth of God. Well, I 
was much troubled about this point, and could not tell how to 
be resolved ; at last, that in the fifth of the Revelations came 

20 into my mind, And I beheld, and Io, in the midst of the throne 
and of the four beasts, and in the midst of the Elders stood a 
Lamb. In the midst of the Throne, thought I, there is his 
Godhead : in the midst of the Elders, there is his manhood ; 
but oh ! methought this did glister ! it was a goodly touch, and 

25 gave me sweet satisfaction. That other scripture also did help 
me much in this, To us a Child is born, to us a Son is given ; 
and the Government shall be upon his shoulder : and his Name 
shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The 
everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace, &c. 3 

30 123. Also, besides these teachings of God in his Word, the 
Lord made use of two things to confirm me in these things; 
the one was the errors of the Quakers, and the other was the 
Guilt of Sin ; for as the Quakers did oppose this Truth, so God 

1 1 Pet. 1. 19, 20. 2 John 20. 17. 3 Isa. 9. 6. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 45 

did the more confirm me in it, by leading me into the Scriptures 
that did wonderfully maintain it. 

124. The errors that this people then maintained were, 

1. That the holy Scriptures were not the Word of God. 

2. That every man in the world had the Spirit of Christ, 5 
Grace, Faith, &c. 3. That Christ Jesus, as crucified, and dying 
1600 years ago, did not satisfy Divine Justice for the sins of 
His People. 4. That Christ's Flesh and Blood was within the 
Saints. 5. That the bodies of the Good and Bad that are 
buried in the Churchyard shall not arise again. 6. That the 10 
Resurrection is past with good Men already. 7 . That that Man 
Jesus, that was crucified between two Thieves on Mount Cal- 
vary, in the land of Canaan, by Jerusalem, was not ascended 
up above the starry Heavens. 8. That he should not, even the 
same Jesus that died by the hands of the Jews, come again at 1 5 
the last day, and as man judge all Nations, &c. 

125. Many more vile and abominable things were in those 
days fomented by them, by which I was driven to a more 
narrow search of the Scripture, and was, through their light 
and testimony, not only enlightened, but greatly confirmed and 20 
comforted in the truth ; and, as I said, the guilt of sin did help 
me much, for still as that would come upon me, the Blood of 
Christ did take it off again, and again, and again, and that too, 
sweetly, according to the Scriptures. O Friends ! cry to God to 
reveal Jesus Christ unto you ; there is none teacheth like him. 25 

126. It would be too long here to stay, to tell you in par- 
ticular how God did set me down in all the things of Christ, 
and how he did, that he might so do, lead me into his words ; 
yea, and also how he did open them unto me, make them shine 
before me, and cause them to dwell with me, talk with me, and 30 
comfort me over and over, both of his own Being, and the 
Being of his Son, and Spirit, and Word, and Gospel. 

127. Only this, as I said before I will say unto you again, that 
in general he was pleased to take this course with me. First, 



46 GRACE ABOUNDING 

to suffer me to be afflicted with temptation concerning them, 
and then reveal them to me : as sometimes I should lie under 
great guilt for sin, even crushed to the ground therewith, and 
then the Lord would show me the death of Christ ; yea, 
5 and so sprinkle my Conscience with his Blood, that I should 
find, and that before I was aware, that in that Conscience 
where but just now did reign and rage the Law, even there 
would rest and abide the peace and love of God through Christ. 

128. Now had I an evidence, as I thought, of my Salvation 
10 from Heaven, with many golden Seals thereon, all hanging in 

my sight ; now could I remember this manifestation and the 
other discovery of Grace, with comfort ; and should often long 
and desire that the last day were come, that I might for ever 
be inflamed with the sight, and joy, and communion with him 

1 5 whose Head was crowned with thorns, whose Face was spit on, 
and Body broken, and Soul made an offering for my sins : for 
whereas, before, I lay continually trembling at the mouth of 
Hell, now methought I was got so far therefrom that I could 
not, when I looked back, scarce discern it ; and, oh ! thought I, 

20 that I were Fourscore Years old now, that I might die quickly, 
that my Soul might be gone to rest. 

129. But before I had got thus far out of these my Temp- 
tations, I did greatly long to see some ancient godly Man's 
experience, who had writ some hundreds of years before I was 

25 born ; for those who had writ in our days, I thought, (but I 
desire them now to pardon me,) that they had writ only that 
which others felt, or else had, through the strength of their Wits 
and Parts, studied to answer such objections as they perceived 
others were perplexed with, without going down themselves into 

30 the deep. Well, after many such longings in my mind, the God 
in whose hands are all our days and ways, did cast into my 
hand, one day, a Book of Marti?i Luther ; it was his Comment 
on the Galatians — it also was so old that it was ready to fall 
piece from piece if I did but turn it over. Now I was pleased 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 47 

much that such an old Book had fallen into my hands ; the 
which, when I had but a little way perused, I found my condi- 
tion, in his experience, so largely and profoundly handled, as if 
his Book had been written out of my heart. This made me 
marvel ; for thus thought I, This Man could not know anything 5 
of the state of Christians 7107a, but must needs write and speak 
the experie?ice of former days. 

130. Besides he doth most gravely also in that Book, debate 
of the rise of these temptations, namely, Blasphemy, Desperation, 
and the like ; showing that the Law of Moses as well as the 10 
Devil, Death, and Hell hath a very great hand therein. The 
which, at first, was very strange to me ; but considering and 
watching, I found it so indeed. But of particulars here I intend 
nothing ; only this, methinks, I must let fall before all men, I do 
prefer this book of Martin Luther upon the Galatians, (except- 1 5 
ing the Holy Bible,) before all the Books that ever I have seen, 

as most fit for a wounded Conscience. 

131. And now I found, as I thought, that I loved Christ 
dearly. Oh ! methought my soul cleaved unto him, my affec- 
tions cleaved unto him. I felt love to him as hot as Fire ; and 20 
now, as Job said, I thought I should die in my nest; 1 but I did 
quickly find that my great Love was but little, and that I, who 
had, as I thought, such burning love to Jesus Christ, could let 
him go again for a very trifle. But God can tell how to abase 
us, and can hide Pride from Man. Quickly after this my love 25 
was tried to purpose. 

132. For after the Lord had, in this manner, thus graciously 
delivered me from this great and sore Temptation, and had 
set me down so sweetly in the Faith of his holy Gospel, and 
had given me such strong consolation and blessed evidence 30 
from Heaven touching my interest in his love through Christ ; 
the Tempter came upon me again, and that with a more 
grievous and dreadful Temptation than before. 

1 Job 29. 18. 



48 GRACE ABOUNDING 

133. And that was, To sell and part with this most blessed 
Christ, to exchange him for the things of this life, for anything. 
The Temptation lay upon me for the space of a year, and did 
follow me so continually that I was not rid of it one day in a 

5 Month, no, not sometimes one hour in many days together, un- 
less when I was asleep. 

134. And though, in my judgment, I was persuaded that 
those who were once effectually in Christ, as I hoped, through 
his Grace, I had seen myself, could never lose him for ever — 

10 for the land shall not be sold for ever, for the land is mine, 1 saith 
God, — yet it was a continual vexation to me to think that I 
should have so much as one such thought within me against a 
Christ, a Jesus, that had done for me as he had done ; and yet 
then I had almost none others, but such Blasphemous ones. 

15 135. But it was neither my dislike of the thought, nor yet 
any desire and endeavour to resist it that in the least did shake 
or abate the continuation, or force and strength thereof ; for it 
did always, in almost whatever I thought, intermix itself there- 
with in such sort that I could neither eat my food, stoop for a 

20 pin, chop a stick, or cast mine eye to look on this or that, but 
still the temptation would come, Sell Christ for this, or sell 
Christ for that ; sell him, sell him. 

136. Sometimes it would run in my thoughts, not so little as 
a hundred times together, Sell him, sell him, sell him ; against 

25 which I may say, for whole hours together, I have been forced 
to stand as continually leaning and forcing my spirit against it, 
lest haply, before I were aware, some wicked thought might 
arise in my heart that might consent thereto ; and sometimes 
also the Tempter would make me believe I had consented to it, 

30 then should I be as tortured upon a Rack for whole days 
together. 

137. This Temptation did put me to such scares, lest I 
should at some times, I say, consent thereto, and be overcome 

1 Lev. 25. 23. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 49 

therewith, that by the very force of my mind, in labouring to 
gainsay and resist this wickedness, my very body also would be 
put into action or motion by way of pushing or thrusting with 
my hands or elbows, still answering as fast as the destroyer 
said, Sell him ; I will not, 1 will not, I will not, I will not ; no, 5 
not for thousands, thousands, thousands of Worlds. Thus reckon- 
ing lest I should, in the midst of these assaults, set too low a 
value of him, even until I scarce well knew where I was, or 
how to be composed again. 

138. At these seasons he would not let me eat my food at 10 
quiet ; but, forsooth, when I was set at the Table at my meat, 

I must go hence to pray ; I must leave my food now, and just 
now, so counterfeit holy also would this Devil be. When I was 
thus tempted, I should say in myself, Now I am at my meat, 
let me make an end. No, said he, you must do it now, or you 1 5 
will displease God, and despise Christ. Wherefore I was much 
afflicted with these things ; and because of the sinfulness of my 
nature, (imagining that these things were impulses from God), 
I should deny to do it, as if I denied God ; and then should I 
be as guilty, because I did not obey a temptation of the Devil, 20 
as if I had broken the Law of God indeed. 

139. But to be brief, one Morning, as I did lie in my bed, 
I was, as at other times, most fiercely assaulted with this temp- 
tation, to sell and part with Christ ; the wicked suggestion still 
running in my mind, Sell him, sell hi?n, sell him, sell him, sell 25 
him, as fast as a man could speak. Against which also, in my 
mind, as at other times, I answered, No, no, not for thousands, 
thousands, thousands, at least twenty times together. But at last, 
after much striving, even until I was almost out of breath, I felt 
this thought pass through my heart, Let him go, if he will ! and 30 
I thought also, that I felt my heart freely consent thereto. Oh, 
the diligence of Satan ! Oh, the desperateness of man's heart ! 

140. Now was the battle won, and down fell I, as a Bird 
that is shot from the top of a tree, into great guilt, and fearful 



50 GRACE ABOUNDING 

despair. Thus getting out of my Bed, I went moping into the 
field ; but God knows, with as heavy a heart as mortal man, I 
think, could bear ; where, for the space of two hours, I was like 
a man bereft of life, and as now past all recovery, and bound 
5 over to eternal punishment. 

141. And withal, that scripture did seize upon my soul, 
Or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of Meat, sold his 
birthright ; for ye know, how that afterward, when he would 
have inherited the blessing, he was rejected ; for he found no place 

10 of ' repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. 1 

142. Now was I as one bound; I felt myself shut up unto 
the judgment to come. Nothing now for two years together 
would abide with me but damnation, and an expectation of 
damnation. I say, nothing now would abide with me but this, 

1 5 save some few moments for relief, as in the sequel you will see. 

143. These words were to my soul like fetters of brass to 
my legs, in the continual sound of which I went for several 
months together. But about ten or eleven o'clock one day, as I 
was walking under a hedge, (full of sorrow and guilt, God 

20 knows,) and bemoaning myself for this hard hap, that such a 
thought should arise within me ; suddenly this sentence bolted 
in upon me, The blood of Ch?ist re?nits all guilt. At this I made 
a stand in my spirit : with that, this word took hold upon me, 
The blood of fesus Christ, his Son, cleanseth us front all sin. 2 

25 144. Now I began to conceive peace in my Soul, and 
methought I saw as if the Tempter did lear and steal away 
from me, as being ashamed of what he had done. At the same 
time also I had my sin, and the blood of Christ thus represented 
to me, that my sin, when compared to the blood of Christ, was 

30 no more to it, than this little clot or stone before me is to this 
vast and wide field that here I see. This gave me good encour- 
agement for the space of two or three hours ; in which time 
also, methought I saw, by faith, the Son of God, as suffering 

1 Heb. 12. 16, 17. 2 1 John 1. 7. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 5 I 

for my sins ; but because it tarried not I therefore sunk in my 
spirit under exceeding guilt again. 

145. But chiefly by the afore-mentioned scripture, concern- 
ing Esau's selling of his Birthright; for that Scripture would 
lie all day long, all the week long, yea, all the year long in my 5 
mind, and hold me down, so that I could by no means lift up 
myself. For when I would strive to turn me to this Scripture, 

or that, for relief, still that sentence would be sounding in me, 
For ye know, how that afterward, when he would have inherited 
the blessing he found no place of repentance, though he sought it 10 
carefully with tears. 

146. Sometimes also, I should have a touch from that in 
I have prayed for thee, that thy faith fail not ; x but it would not 
abide upon me ; neither could I indeed, when I considered my . 
state, find ground to conceive in the least, that there should be 15 
the root of that Grace within me, having sinned as I had done. 
Now was I tore and rent in heavy case, for many days together. 

147. Then began I with sad and careful heart, to consider 
of the nature and largeness of my sin, and to search in the 
Word of God, if I could in any place espy a word of promise, 20 
or any encouraging sentence by which I might take relief. 
Wherefore I began to consider that third of Mark, Alt manner 
of sins and blasphemies shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, 
7vherewithsoever they shall blaspheme. 2 Which place, methought, 

at a blush, did contain a large and glorious Promise, for the 25 
pardon of high offences ; but considering the place more fully, 
I thought it was rather to be understood as relating more chiefly 
to those who had, while in a natural estate, committed such 
things as there are mentioned ; but not to me, who had not only 
received Light and Mercy, but that had, both after, and also 30 
contrary to that, so slighted Christ as I had done. 

148. I feared therefore that this wicked sin of mine, might 
be that sin unpardonable, of which he there thus speaketh. 

1 Luke 22. 32. 2 Mark 3. 28, 29. 



52 GRACE ABOUNDING 

But he that shall blasphe??ie against the Holy Ghost hath never 
forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation} And I did 
the rather give credit to this, because of that sentence in the 
Hebrews, For ye know, how that afterward, when he would 
5 have inherited the blessing, he was rejected ; for he found no place 
of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. And this 
stuck always with me. 

149. And now was I both a burthen and terror to myself; 
nor did I ever so know, as now, what it was to be weary of my 

10 life, and yet afraid to die. Oh, how gladly now would I have 
been anybody but myself ! Anything but a man ! and in any 
condition but mine own ! for there was nothing did pass more 
frequently over my mind, than that it was impossible for me 
to be forgiven my transgression, and to be saved from wrath 

15 to come. 

150. And now began I to labour to call again time that was 
past ; wishing a thousand times twice told, that the day was yet 
to come, when I should be tempted to such a sin ! concluding 
with great indignation, both against my heart, and all assaults, 

20 how I would rather have been torn in pieces, than found a con- 
senter thereto. But, alas ! these thoughts, and wishings, and 
resolvings, were now too late to help me ; the thought had passed 
my heart ; God hath let me go, and I am fallen. Oh ! thought 
I, that it was with me as in months past, as in the days when 

2 5 God preserved me ! 2 

151. Then again, being loth and unwilling to perish, I began 
to compare my sin with others, to see if I could find that any of 
those that were saved had done as I had done. So I considered 
David's Adultery and Murder, and found them most heinous 

30 crimes ; and those too committed after Light and Grace received. 
But yet by considering, I perceived that his transgressions were 
only such as were against the Law of Moses ; from which the 
Lord Christ could, with the consent of his Word, deliver him. 

1 Mark 3. 29. 2 Job 29. 2. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 53 

But mine was against the Gospel ; yea, against the Mediator 
thereof ; I had sold my Saviour. 

152. Now again should I be as if racked upon the wheel, 
when I considered, that, besides the guilt that possessed me, I 
should be so void of Grace, so bewitched. What, thought I, 5 
must it be no sin but this ? Must it needs be the great trans- 
gression ? 1 Must that wicked one touch my soul ? 2 Oh, what 
stings did I find in all these sentences ! 

153. What, thought I, is there but one sin that is unpardon- 
able ? But one sin that layeth the soul without the reach of God's 10 
mercy ; and must I be guilty of that ? Must it needs be that ? 

Is there but one sin among so many millions of sins, for which 
there is no forgiveness ; and must / commit this ? Oh, unhappy 
sin ! Oh, unhappy Man ! These things would so break and 
confound my spirit, that I could not tell what to do ; I thought, 1 5 
at times, they would have broke my wits ; and still, to aggravate 
my misery, that would run in my mind, Ye know how that after- 
ward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected. 
Oh ! none knows the terrors of those days but myself. 

154. After this I came to consider of Peter's sin, which he 20 
committed in denying his Master ; and indeed, this came nighest 

to mine of any that I could find ; for he had denied his Saviour, 
as I, and that after Light and Mercy received ; yea, and that 
too, after Warning given him. I also considered, that he did it 
both once and twice ; and that, after time to consider betwixt. 25 
But though I put all these circumstances together, that, if pos- 
sible, I might find help, yet I considered again, that his was 
but a denial of his Master, but mine was a selling of my Saviour. 
Wherefore I thought with myself, that I came nearer to fudas, 
than either to David or Peter. 30 

155. Here again my torment would flame out and afflict me ; 
yea, it would grind me, as it were, to powder, to discern the 
preservation of God towards others, while I fell into the snare ; 

1 Ps. 19. 13. 2 1 John 5. iS. 



54 GRACE ABOUNDING 

for in my thus considering of other men's sins, and comparing 
of them with my own, I could evidently see how God preserved 
them, notwithstanding their wickedness, and would not let them, 
as he had let me, to become a Son of Perdition. 
5 156. But oh, how did my Soul, at this time, prize the pres- 
ervation that God did set about his people ! Ah, how safely 
did I see them walk, whom God had hedged in ! They were 
within his Care, Protection, and Special Providence, though they 
were full as bad as I by Nature ; yet because he loved them, 

10 he would not suffer them to fall without the range of Mercy ; but 
as for me, I was gone, I had done it ; he would not preserve 
me, nor keep me ; but suffered me, because I was a Reprobate, 
to fall as I had done. Now, did those blessed places, that spake 
of God's keeping his People, shine like the Sun before me, though 

1 5 not to comfort me, but to show me the blessed state and heritage 
of those whom the Lord had blessed. 

157. Now I saw, that as God had his hand in all providences 
and dispensations that overtook his Elect, so he had his hand in 
all the Temptations that they had to sin against him, not to 

20 animate them unto Wickedness, but to choose their Temptations 
and Troubles for them ; and also to leave them, for a time, to 
such Sins only as might not destroy, but humble them ; as might 
not put them beyond, but lay them in the way of the renewing 
of his Mercy. But oh, what Love, what Care, what Kindness 

25 and Mercy did I now see, mixing itself with the most severe 
and dreadful of all God's ways to his people ! He would let 
David, Hezekiah, Solomon, Peter, and others fall, but he would 
not let them fall into sin unpardonable, nor into Hell for Sin. 
Oh ! thought I, these be the Men that God hath loved ; these 

30 be the Men that God, though he chastiseth them, keeps them 
in safety by him, and them whom he makes to abide under the 
shadow of the Almighty. But all these thoughts added sorrow, 
grief, and horror to me, as whatever I now thought on, it was 
killing to me. If I thought how God kept his own, that was 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 55 

killing to me. If I thought of how I was falling myself, that 
was killing to me. As all things wrought together for the best, 
and to do good to them that were called, according to his pur- 
pose ; so I thought that all things wrought for my damage, and 
for my eternal overthrow. 5 

158. Then, again, I began to compare my sin with the sin 
of Judas, that, if possible, I might find that mine differed from 
that which, in truth, is unpardonable. And, oh ! thought I, if it 
should differ from it, though but the breadth of an hair, what 

a happy condition is my Soul in ! And, by considering, I found 10 
that Judas did his intentionally, but mine was against my prayer 
and strivings ; besides, his was committed with much deliberation, 
but mine in a fearful hurry, on a sudden; all this while I was 
tossed to and fro, like the Locusts, and driven from trouble to 
sorrow ; hearing always the sound of Esau's fall in mine ears, 1 5 
and of the dreadful consequences thereof. 

159. Yet this consideration about Judas, his sin was, for a 
while, some little relief unto me ; for I saw I had not, as to the 
circumstances, transgressed so foully as he. But this was quickly 
gone again, for, I thought with myself, there might be more 20 
ways than one to commit the unpardonable sin ; also I thought 
that there might be degrees of that, as well as of other trans- 
gressions ; wherefore, for ought I yet could perceive, this iniquity 

of mine might be such, as might never be passed by. 

160. I was often now ashamed, that I should be like such 25 
an ugly man as Judas. I thought, also, how loathsome I should 
be unto all the saints at the Day of Judgment ; insomuch, that 
now I could scarce see a good man, that I believed had a good 
Conscience, but I should feel my heart tremble at him, while 

I was in his presence. Oh ! now I saw a glory in walking 30 
with God, and what a mercy it was to have a good Conscience 
before him. 

161. I was much about this time tempted to content myself 
by receiving some false Opinion ; as that there should be no 



56 GRACE ABOUNDING 

such thing as a Day of Judgment, that we should not rise again, 
and that Sin was no such grievous thing ; the Tempter suggest- 
ing thus, For if these things should indeed be true, yet to believe 
otherwise, would yield you ease for the present. If you must perish, 
5 never to?'ment yourself so much before hand ; drive the thoughts 
of damning out of your mind, by possessing your mind with 
some such conclusions that Atheists and Ranters do use to 
help themselves withal. 

162. But, oh ! when such thoughts have led through my heart, 
10 how, as it were, within a step, hath Death and Judgment been 

in my view ! Methought the Judge stood at the door, I was as 
if it was come already ; so that such things could have no enter- 
tainment. But, methinks, I see by this, that Satan will use any 
means to keep the Soul from Christ ; he loveth not an awakened 
1 5 frame of spirit ; security, blindness, darkness, and error is the 
very kingdom and habitation of the wicked one. 

163. I found it hard work now to pray to God, because de- 
spair was swallowing me up ; I thought I was, as with a tempest, 
driven away from God, for always when I cried to God for 

20 mercy, this would come in, 'Tis too late, I am lost, God hath let 
me fall ; not to my correction, but conde7nnation ; my sin is unpar- 
donable ; and I know, concerning Esau, how that, after he had 
sold his birthright, he would have received the blessing, but was 
rejected. About this time, I did light on that dreadful story of that 

25 miserable mortal, Francis Spira ; a Book that was to my troubled 
spirit as salt when rubbed into a 'fresh wound; every sentence 
in that Book, every groan of that Man, with all the rest of his 
actions in his dolours, as his tears, his prayers, his gnashing of 
teeth, his wringing of hands, his twining and twisting, languish- 

30 ing and pining away under that mighty hand of God that was 
upon him, was as knives and daggers in my soul ; especially that 
sentence of his was frightful to me, Man knows the beginning 
of sitt, but who bounds the issues thereof? Then would the former 
sentence, as the conclusion of all, fall like a hot thunderbolt 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 57 

again upon my conscience; for you know how that afterward, 
when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected ; for 
he found no place of repentance^ though he sought it carefully 
with tears. 

164. Then was I struck into a very great trembling, insomuch 5 
that at sometimes I could, for whole days together, feel my very 
body, as well as my mind, to shake and totter under the sense 

of the dreadful judgment of God, that should fall on those that 
have sinned that most fearful and unpardonable sin. I felt also 
such a clogging and heat at my stomach, by reason of this my 10 
terror, that I was, especially at sometimes, as if my breast bone 
would have split asunder. Then I thought of that concerning 
fudas, who, by his falling headlong, burst asunder, and all his 
bowels gushed out. 1 

165. I feared also that this was the mark that the Lord did 15 
set on Cain, even continual fear and trembling, under the heavy 
load of guilt that he had charged on him for the blood of his 
brother Abel. Thus did I wind, and twine, and shrink, under 
the burthen that was upon me; which burthen also did so op- 
press me, that I could neither stand, nor go, nor lie, either at 20 
rest or quiet. 

166. Yet that saying would sometimes come to my mind, He 
hath received gifts for the rebellious? The rebellious, thought I ; 
why, surely they are such as once were under subjection to their 
prince, even those who, after they have sworn subjection to his 25 
Government, have taken up Arms against him ; and this, thought 

I, is my very condition ; once I loved him, feared him, served him; 
but now I am a rebel ; I have sold him, I have said, Let him go 
if he will ; but yet he has gifts for rebels, a?idthen why not forme ? 

167. This sometimes I thought on, and should labour to take 30 
hold thereof, that some, though small, refreshment might have 
been conceived by me ; but in this also I missed of my desire, I 
was driven with force beyond it, I was like a Man that is going 

1 Acts 1. iS. 2 p s> 68. 18. 



58 GRACE ABOUNDING 

to execution, even by that place where he would fain creep in and 
hide himself, but may not. 

1 68. Again, after I had thus considered the sins of the Saints 
in particular, and found mine went beyond them, then I began 

5 to think thus with myself : Set the case I should put all theirs 
together, and mine alone against them, might I not then find some 
Encouragement ? For if mine, though bigger than any one, yet 
should but be equal to all, the?i there is hopes ; for that blood that 
hath virtue enough in it to wash away all theirs, hath also virtue 

io enough in it to do away mine, though this one be full as big, if 
no bigger, than all theirs. Here, again, I should consider the 
sin of David, of Solomon, of Manasseh, of Peter, and the rest 
of the great offenders ; and should also labour, what I might 
with fairness, to aggravate and heighten their sins by several 

15 circumstances : but, alas ! it was all in vain. 

169. I should think with myself that David shed blood to 
cover his Adultery, and that by the sword of the children of 
Ammon ; a work that could not be done but by continuance and 
deliberate contrivance, which was a great aggravation to his sin. 

20 But then this would turn upon me : Ah ! but these were but sins 
against the Law, from which there was a Jesus sent to save them ; 
but yours is a sin against the Saviour, and who shall save you 
from that ? 

170. Then I thought on Solomon, and how he sinned in loving 
25 strange Women, in falling away to their Idols, in building them 

Temples, in doing this after light, in his old Age, after great 
mercy received ; but the same conclusion that cut me off in the 
former consideration, cut me off as to this ; namely, that all those 
were but sins against the Law, for which God had provided a 
30 remedy ; but I had sold my Saviour, and there now remained 
no more sacrifice for sin. 

171. I would then add to those men's sins, the sins of Ma- 
nasseh, how that he built Altars for Idols in the House of the 
Lord ; he also observed times, used enchantment, had to do with 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 59 

Wizards, was a Wizard, had his familiar Spirits, burned his 
Children in the Fire in Sacrifice to Devils, and made the 
Streets of Jerusalei7i run down with the blood of Innocents. 
These, thought I, are great sins, sins of a bloody colour ; yea, 
it would turn again upon me : They are none of them of the 5 
nature of yours ; you have parted with fesus, you have sold your 
Saviour. 

172. This one consideration would always kill my heart, My 
sin was point blank against my Saviour; and that too, at that 
height, that I had in my heart said of him, Let him go if he will. 10 
Oh ! methought, this sin was bigger than the sins of a Country, 

of a Kingdom, or of the whole World, no one pardonable, nor 
all of them together, was able to equal mine ; mine outwent 
them every one. 

173. Now I should find my mind to flee from God, as from 15 
the face of a dreadful judge ; yet this was my torment, I could 
not escape his hand : It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands 
of the living God. 1 But blessed be his Grace, that scripture, in 
these flying sins, would call as running after me, / have blotted 
out, as a thick cloud, thy transgressions ; and, as a cloud, thy sins : 20 
return unto me, for I have redeemed thee? This, I say, would come 

in upon my mind, when I was fleeing from the face of God ; 
for I did flee from his face, that is, my mind and spirit fled 
before him ; by reason of his highness, I could not endure ; then 
would the text cry, Return unto me ; it would cry aloud with a 25 
very great voice, Return unto me, for I have redeemed thee. In- 
deed, this would make me make a little stop, and, as it were, 
look over my shoulder behind me, to see if I could discern that 
the God of grace did follow me with a pardon in his hand, but 
I could no sooner do that, but all would be clouded and darkened 30 
again by that sentence, For you know how that afterwards, when 
he would have inherited the blessing, he found 710 place of repent- 
ance, though he sought it carefully with tears. Wherefore I could 

1 Heb. 10. 31. 2 Isa. 44. 22. 



60 GRACE ABOUNDING 

• 
not return, but fled, though at sometimes it cried, Return; return, 
as if it did holloa after me. But I feared to close in therewith, 
lest it should not come from God ; for that other, as I said, was 
still sounding in my conscience, For you know how that after- 
5 wards, when he woidd have inherited the blessing, he was 
rejected, &°c. 

174. Once as I was walking to and fro in a good man's 
shop, bemoaning of myself in my sad and doleful state, afflicting 
myself with self-abhorrence for this wicked and ungodly thought; 

10 lamenting, also, this hard hap of mine, for that I should commit 
so great a sin, greatly fearing I should not be pardoned ; pray- 
ing, also, in my heart, that if this sin of mine did differ from 
that against the Holy Ghost, the Lord would show it me ; and 
being now ready to sink with fear, suddenly there was, as if there 

15 had rushed in at the Window the Noise of wind upon me, but 
very pleasant, and as if I heard a voice speaking, Didst ever 
refuse to be justified by the Blood of Christ ? And, withal my 
whole life and profession past was, in a moment, opened to me, 
wherein I was made to see that designedly I had not ; so my 

20 heart answered groaningly, No. Then fell, with power, that 
Word of God upon me, See that ye refuse not him that speaketh} 
This made a strange seizure upon my spirit; it brought light 
with it, and commanded a silence in my heart of all those tumul- 
tuous thoughts that before did use, like masterless Hell-hounds, 

25 to roar and bellow, and make a hideous noise within me. It 
showed me, also, that Jesus Christ had yet a word of Grace and 
Mercy for me, that he had not, as I had feared, quite forsaken 
and cast off my Soul ; yea, this was a kind of a chide for my 
proneness to desperation ; a kind of a threatening me if I did 

30 not, notwithstanding my sins and the heinousness of them, 

venture my Salvation upon the Son of God. But as to my 

determining about this strange dispensation, what it was I knew 

not ; or from whence it came I know not. I have not yet, in 

1 Heb. 12. 25. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 6 1 

twenty years' time, been able to make a judgment of it ; I 
thought then what here I shall be loth to speak. But verily, that 
sudden rushing wind was as if an Angel had come upon me ; 
but both it and the Salutation I will leave until the Day of Judg- 
ment ; only this I say, it commanded a great calm in my Soul ; 5 
it persuaded me there might be hope ; it showed me, as I 
thought, what the sin unpardonable was, and that my Soul had 
yet the blessed privilege to flee to Jesus Christ for Mercy. But, 
I say, concerning this dispensation, I know not what yet to say 
unto it ; which was, also, in truth, the cause that, at first, I did 10 
not speak of it in the Book. I do now, also, leave it to be 
thought on by men of sound judgment. I lay not the stress of 
my Salvation thereupon, but upon the Lord Jesus, in the promise ; 
yet, seeing I am here unfolding of my secret things, I thought 
it might not be altogether inexpedient to let this also show itself, 1 5 
though I cannot now relate the matter as there I did experience 
it. This lasted, in the savour of it, for about three or four days, 
and then I began to mistrust and to despair again. 

175. Wherefore, still my life hung in doubt before me, not 
knowing which way I should tip ; only this I found my Soul's 20 
desire, even to cast itself at the foot of Grace, by Prayer and 
Supplication. But, oh ! 'T was hard for me now to bear the Face 
to pray to this Christ for mercy, against whom I had thus most 
vilely sinned. 'T was hard work, I say, to offer to look him in 
the face against whom I had so vilely sinned ; and, indeed, I have 25 
found it as difficult to come to God by prayer, after backsliding 
from him, as to do any other thing. Oh, the shame that did now 
attend me ! especially when I thought I am now a-going to pray 
to him for mercy that I had so lightly esteemed but a while 
before ! I was ashamed, yea, even confounded, because • this 30 
villany had been committed by me; but I saw there was but 
one way with me, I must go to him and humble myself unto 
him, and beg that he, of his wonderful Mercy, would show pity 
to me, and have Mercy upon my wretched sinful Soul. 



62 GRACE ABOUNDING 

176. Which, when the Tempter perceived, he strongly sug- 
gested to me, That I ought not to pray to God ; for prayer was 
not for any in my case, neither could it do me good, because I had 
rejected the Mediator, by whom all prayer came with acceptance to 

5 God the Father, and without whom no prayer could come into his 
presence. Wherefore, now to pray is but to add sin to sin ; yea, 
now to pray, seeing God has cast you off, is the next way to anger 
and offend him more than you ever did before. 

177. For God, saith he, hath been weary of you for these sev- 
10 eral years already, because you are none of his ; your bawlings in 

his ears hath been no pleasant voice to him ; and, therefore, he let 
you sin this shi, that you might be quite cut off ; and will you 
pray still ? This the Devil urged, and set forth that, in Numbers} 
when Moses said to the children of Israel, That because they 
1 5 would not go up to possess the land when God would have them, 
therefore, for ever after, God did bar them out from thence, though 
they prayed, they might with tears. 

178. As it is said in another place, the man that sins presump- 
tuously shall be taken from God's Altar that he may die; 2 even 

20 as foab was by King Solomon, 3 when he thought to find shelter 
there, &c. These places did pinch me very sore ; yet, my case 
being desperate, I thought with myself I can but die ; and if it 
must be so it shall once be said, that such an one died at the foot 
of Christ in Prayer. This I did, but with great difficulty, God 

25 doth know ; and that because, together with this, still that saying 
about Esau would be set at my heart, even like a flaming Sword 
to keep the way of the Tree of Life, lest I should taste thereof 
and live. Oh ! who knows how hard a thing I found it to come 
to God in prayer. 

30 179. I did also desire the prayers of the people of God for 

me, but I feared that God would give them no heart to do it ; 

yea, I trembled in my soul to think that some or other of them 

would shortly tell me, that God had said those words to them 

1 Num. 14. 36, yj, &c. 2 Ex. 21. 14. 3 1 Kings 2. 28. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 63 

that he once did say to the prophet concerning the children of 
Israel, Pray not thou for this people, for I have rejected them} 
So, pray not for him, for I have rejected him. Yea, I thought that 
he had whispered this to some of them already, only they durst 
not tell me so, neither durst I ask them of it, for fear, if it should 5 
be so, it would make me quite besides myself. Man knows the 
begi7ining of sin, said Spira, but who bounds the issues thereof? 

180. About this time I took an opportunity to break my mind 
to an ancient Christian, and told him all my case. I told him, 
also, that I was afraid that I had sinned the sin against the 10 
Holy Ghost ; and he told me He thought so too. Here, therefore, 

I had but cold comfort ; but, talking a little more with him, I 
found him, though a good man, a stranger to much combat with 
the Devil. Wherefore, I went to God again, as well as I could, 
for mercy still. 1 5 

181. Now, also, did the Tempter begin to mock me in my 
misery, saying, That, seeing I had thus parted with the Lord 
fesus, and provoked him to displeasure who would have stood 
between my Soul and the flame of devouring fi?-e, there was now 
but one way, and that was, To pray that God the Father would 20 
be the Mediator betwixt his Son and ?ne, that we might be recon- 
ciled again, and that I might have that blessed benefit in him that 
his blessed Saints e?ijoyed. 

182. Then did that Scripture seize upon my soul, He is of 
one mind, and who can turn him ? Oh ! I saw 't was as easy to 25 
persuade him to make a new World, a new Covenant, or new 
Bible, besides that we have already, as to pray for such a thing. 
This was to persuade him that what he had done already was 
mere folly, and persuade him to alter, yea, to disannul, the whole 
way of Salvation ; and then would that saying rent my soul 30 
asunder, Neither is there salvation in any other ; for there is none 
other name under heaven, given amo?ig men, whereby we must 

be saved. 2 

1 Jer. 11. 14. 2 Acts 4. 12. 



64 GRACE ABOUNDING 

183. Now, the most free and full and gracious words of the 
Gospel were the greatest torment to me ; yea, nothing so afflicted 
me as the thoughts of Jesus Christ. The remembrance of a 
Saviour, because I had cast him off, brought forth the villany 

5 of my sin, and my loss by it to mind. Nothing did twinge my 
Conscience like this. Every time that I thought of the Lord 
Jesus, of his Grace, Love, Goodness, Kindness, Gentleness, 
Meekness, Death, Blood, Promises and blessed Exhortations, 
Comforts and Consolations, it went to my Soul like a Sword ; 

10 for still, unto these my considerations of the Lord Jesus, these 
thoughts would make place for themselves in my heart ; Aye, 
this is the Jesus, the loving Saviour, the Son of God, whom thou 
hast parted with, whom you slighted, despised, and abused. This 
is the only Saviour, the only Redeemer, the only one that could so 

15 love sinners as to wash them from their sins in his own most pre- 
cious Blood ; but you have no part nor lot in this Jesus, you have 
put hmifrom you, you have said in your heart, Let him. go if he 
will. Nozv, therefore, you are servered from him ; you have servered 
yourself from him. Behold, then, his Goodjiess, but yourself to be 

20 110 partaker of it. Oh, thought I, what have I lost ! What have 
I parted with ! What have I disinherited my poor Soul of ! Oh ! 
it is sad to be destroyed by the Grace and Mercy of God ; to 
have the Lamb, the Saviour, turn Lion and Destroyer. 1 I also 
trembled, as I have said, at the sight of the Saints of God, 

25 especially at those that greatly loved him, and that made it their 
business to walk continually with him in this World ; for they 
did, both in their words, their carriages, and all their expressions 
of tenderness and fear to sin against their precious Saviour, con- 
demn, lay guilt upon, and also add continual affliction and shame 

30 unto my soul. The dread of them was upon me, and I trembled 
at God's Samuels. 2 

184. Now, also, the Tempter began afresh to mock my Soul 
another way, saying That Christ, indeed, did pity my case, and 

1 Rev. 6. 16. 2 ! Sam. 16. 4. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 65 

was sorry for my loss ; but forasmuch as I had sinned and trans- 
gressed, as 1 had done, he could by no means help me, ?ior save 
me from what I feared ; for my sift was not of the nature of theirs 
for whom he bled a?id died, neither was it coimted with those that 
were laid to his charge when he hanged on the Tree. Therefore, 5 
unless he should come down from heaven and die anew for this sin, 
though, indeed, he did greatly pity me, yet I could have no befiefit 
of him. These things may seem ridiculous to others, even as 
ridiculous as they were in themselves, but to me they were most 
tormenting cogitations ; every of them augmented my misery, 10 
that Jesus Christ should have so much love as to pity me when 
he could not help me ; nor did I think that the reason why 
he could not help me was because his Merits were weak, or 
his Grace and Salvation, spent on them already, but because his 
faithfulness to his threatening would not let him extend his 15 
mercy to me. Besides, I thought, as I have already hinted, that 
my sin was not within the bounds of that Pardon that was 
wrapped up in a Promise ; and if not, then I knew assuredly, 
that it was more easy for Heaven and Earth to pass away than 
for me to have Eternal Life. So that the ground of all these 20 
fears of mine did arise from a steadfast belief that I had of 
the stability of the holy Word of God, and, also, from my being 
misinformed of the nature of my sin. 

185. But, oh ! how this would add to my affliction, to conceit 
that I should be guilty of such a sin for which he did not die. 25 
These thoughts would so confound me, and imprison me, and 
tie me up from faith, that I knew not what to do. But, oh ! 
thought I, that he would come down again ! Oh ! that the work 
of Man's Redemption was yet to be done by Christ! How 
would I pray him and entreat him to count and reckon this sin 30 
amongst the rest for which he died ! But this Scripture would 
strike me down as dead, Christ being raised fro?n the dead dieth 
no more; death hath no more domi?iion over hi?n} 

1 Rom. 6. 9. 



66 GRACE ABOUNDING 

1 86. Thus, by the strange and unusual assaults of the 
Tempter, was my Soul, like a broken Vessel, driven as with 
the Winds, and tossed sometimes headlong into despair, some- 
times upon the Covenant of Works, and sometimes to wish 
5 that the new Covenant, and the conditions thereof, might, so far 
forth as I thought myself concerned, be turned another way 
and changed. But in all these I was but as those that jostle 
against the Rocks ; more broken, scattered, and rent. Oh, the 
unthought of imaginations, frights, fears, and terrors that are 

io affected by a thorough application of guilt, yielded to desperation ! 
This is the man that hath his dwelling among the tombs with the 
dead ; that is always crying out and cutting himself 'with stones} 
But I say, all in vain. Desperation will not comfort him, the old 
Covenant will not save him ; nay, Heaven and Earth shall pass 

15 away before one jot or title of the Word and Law of Grace shall 
fail or be removed. This I saw, this I felt, and under this I 
groaned ; yet this advantage I got thereby, namely, a further 
confirmation of the certainty of the way of salvation, and that 
the Scriptures were the Word of God ! Oh ! I cannot now ex- 

20 press what then I saw and felt of the steadiness of Jesus Christ, 
the Rock of Man's Salvation ; what was done could not be un- 
done, added to, nor altered. I saw, indeed, that sin might drive 
the soul beyond Christ, even the sin which is unpardonable ; but 
woe to him that was so driven, for the Word would shut him out. 

2 5 187. Thus was I always sinking, whatever I did think or do. 
So one day I walked to a neighbouring Town, and sat down 
upon a Settle in the Street, and fell into a very deep pause 
about the most fearful state my sin had brought me to ; and, 
after long musing, I lifted up my head, but methought I saw as 

30 if the Sun that shineth in the Heavens did grudge to give light, 
and as if the very stones in the Street, and tiles upon the Houses, 
did bend themselves against me ; methought that they all com- 
bined together to banish me out of the World. I was abhorred 

1 Mark 5. 2-5. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 67 

of them, and unfit to dwell among them, or be partaker of their 
benefits, because I had sinned against the Saviour. O how 
happy, now, was every creature over I was. For they stood 
fast and kept their station, but I was gone and lost. 

188. Then breaking out in the bitterness of my soul, I said 5 
to myself, with a grievous sigh, How can God comfort such a 
wretch as I? I had no sooner said it but this returned upon 
me, as an echo doth answer a voice, This sin is not unto death. 
At which I was as if I had been raised out of a Grave, and 
cried out again, Lord, how couldest thou Jind out such a word as 10 
this ? For I was filled with admiration at the fitness, and, also, 

at the unexpectedness of the sentence. The fitness of the Word, 
the Tightness of the timing of it, the power, and sweetness, and 
light, and glory that came with it, also, was marvellous to me to 
find. I was now, for the time, out of doubt as to that about 15 
which I so much was in doubt before. My fears before were, 
that my sin was not pardonable, and so that I had no right to 
pray, to repent, &c, or that if I did, it would be of no advan- 
tage or profit to me. But now, thought I, if this sin is not unto 
death, then it is pardonable ; therefore, from this I have en- 20 
couragement to come to God, by Christ, for mercy ; to consider 
the promise of forgiveness as that which stands with open 
arms to receive me, as well as others. This, therefore, was a great 
easement to my mind ; to wit, that my sin was pardonable, that 
it was not the sin unto death. 1 None but those that know what 25 
my trouble, by their own experience, was, can tell what relief 
came to my Soul by this consideration. It was a release to me 
from my former bonds, and a shelter from my former storm. I 
seemed now to stand upon the same ground with other sinners, 
and to have as good right to the Word and Prayer as any 30 
of them. 

189. Now, I say, I was in hopes that my sin was not un- 
pardonable, but that there might be hopes for me to obtain 

1 1 John 5. 16, 17. 



68 GRACE ABOUNDING 

forgiveness. But, oh, how Satan did now lay about him for to 
bring me down again ! But he could by' no means do it, neither 
this day nor the most part of the next, for this sentence stood like 
a mill-post at my back ; yet, towards the evening of the next day, 
5 I felt this word begin to leave me and to withdraw its suppor- 
tation from me, and so I returned to my old fears again, but with 
a great deal of grudging and peevishness, for I feared the sorrow 
of despair ; nor could my faith now longer retain this word. 

190. But the next day, at evening, being under many fears, 
10 I went to seek the Lord ; and as I prayed, I cried, and my Soul 

cried to him in these words, with strong cries : O Lord, I beseech 
thee, show me that thou hast loved me with everlasting love} I 
had no sooner said it but, with sweetness, this returned upon me, 
as an echo or sounding-again, I have loved thee with an everlast- 
1 s ing love. Now I went to bed at quiet ; also, when I awaked the 
next morning, it was fresh upon my Soul, and I believed it. 

191. But yet the Tempter left me not ; for it could not be so 
little as an hundred times that he that day did labour to break 
my peace. Oh ! the combats and conflicts that I did then meet 

20 with as I strove to hold by this word ; that of Esau would fly 
in my face like to Lightning. I should be sometimes up and 
down twenty times in an hour, yet God did bear me up and keep 
my heart upon this word, from which I had also, for several days 
together, very much sweetness and comfortable hopes of pardon. 

25 For thus it was made out to me, / loved thee whilst thou wast 
committing this sin, I loved thee before, Hove thee still, and I will 
love thee for ever. 

192. Yet I saw my sin most barbarous, and a filthy crime, 
and could not but conclude, and that with great shame and as- 

30 tonishment, that I had horribly abused the holy Son of God. 
Wherefore I felt my soul greatly to love and pity him, and my 
bowels to yearn towards him ; for I saw he was still my Friend, 
and did reward me good for evil ; yea, the love and affection 

1 Jer. 31. 3. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 69 

that then did burn within to my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ 
did work, at this time, such a strong and hot desire of revenge- 
ment upon myself for the abuse I had done unto him, that, to 
speak as then I thought, had I had a thousand gallons of blood 
within my veins, I could freely then have spilt it all at the com- 5 
mand and feet of this my Lord and Saviour. 

193. And as I was thus in musing and in my studies, consid- 
ering how to love the Lord and to express my love to him, that 
saying came in upon me, If thou, lord, shouldest mark iniquities, 

O lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that 10 
thou mayest be feared} These were good words to me, especially 
the latter part thereof ; to wit, that there is forgiveness with the 
Lord, that he might be feared ; that is, as then I understood 
it, that he might be loved and had in reverence; for it was thus 
made out to me, That the great God did set so high an esteem 1 5 
upon the love of his poor Creatures, that rather than he would 
go without their love he would pardon their transgressions. 

194. And now was that word fulfilled on me, and I was also 
refreshed by it, Then shall they be ashamed and confounded, and 
never open their mouth any more because of their shame, when I 20 
am pacified toward them for all that they have done, saith the 
lord God} Thus was my Soul at this time (and, as I then did 
think, for ever) set at liberty from being again afflicted with my 
former guilt and amazement. 

195. But before many weeks were over I began to despond 25 
again, fearing lest, notwithstanding all that I had enjoyed, that 
yet I might be deceived and destroyed at the last ; for this con- 
sideration came strong into my mind, That whatever comfort and 
peace I thought I might have from the Word of the promise of 
life, yet unless there could be found i?i my refreshment a concur- 30 
re7ice and agreement in the Scriptures, let me think what I will 
thereof, and hold it never so fast, I should find no such thing at 
the end ; for the Scriptures cannot be broken} 

1 Ps. 130. 3, 4. 2 Ezek. 16. 63. 3 John 10. 35. 



7<D GRACE ABOUNDING 

196. Now began my heart again to ake and fear I might meet 
with disappointment at the last. Wherefore I began, with all 
seriousness, to examine my former comfort, and to consider 
whether one that had sinned as I have done might with confi- 
5 dence trust upon the faithfulness of God, laid down in those 
words by which I had been comforted and on which I had leaned 
myself. But now were brought those sayings to my mind, For 
it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have 
tasted of the heavefily gift, and were made partakers of the Holy 

10 Ghost, and have tasted the good Word of God, and the Powers 
of the World to come, if they shall fall away, to renew them again 
into repetttance} For if we sin wilfully after that we have received- 
the k?iowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for 
sins, but a certain fearful looking for of fitdgment and fiery indig- 

15 nation, which shall devour the adversaries} Even as Esau, who 
for o?ie morsel of meat sold his Birthright ; for ye know how that 
afterward, when he would have i?iherited the blessing, he was 
rejected ; for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it 
carefully with tears? 

20 197. Now was the Word of the Gospel forced from my Soul, 
so that no promise or encouragement was to be found in the 
Bible for me. And now would that saying work upon my spirit 
to afflict me, Rejoice not, O Israel, for joy as other people} For 
I saw indeed there was cause of rejoicing for those that held to 

25 Jesus ; but as for me, I had cut myself off by my transgressions, 
and left myself neither foot-hold, nor hand-hold, amongst all the 
stays and props in the precious Word of Life. 

198. And truly I did now feel myself to sink into a gulf, as 
an house whose foundation is destroyed. I did liken myself, in 

30 this conditon, unto the case of a child that was fallen into a mill- 
pit, who, though it could make some shift to scrabble and sprawl 
in the water, yet because it could find neither hold for hand nor 

1 Heb. 6. 4-6. 3 Heb. 12. 16, 17. 

2 Heb. 10. 26, 27. 4 Hos. 9. 1. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 71 

foot, therefore at last it must die in that condition. So soon as 
this fresh assault had fastened on my Soul, that scripture came 
into my heart, This is for many days} And indeed I found it 
was so ; for I could not be delivered, nor brought to peace again, 
until well nigh two years and an half were completely finished. 5 
Wherefore these words, though in themselves they tended to dis- 
couragement, yet to me, who feared this condition would be 
eternal, they were at sometimes as an help and refreshment to me. 

199. For, thought I, many days are not, not for ever; many 
days will have an end ; therefore seeing I was to be afflicted, 10 
not a few, but many days, yet I was glad it was but for many 
days. Thus, I say, I could recal myself sometimes, and give 
myself a help, for as soon as ever the words came into my mind 

at first, I knew my trouble would be long ; yet this would be 
but sometimes, for I could not always think on this, nor ever be 1 5 
helped by it, though I did. 

200. Now, while these Scriptures lay before me, and laid sin 
anew, at my door, that saying in the 18th of Luke, 2 with others, 
did encourage me to prayer. Then the Tempter again laid at 
me very sore, suggesting, That neither the Mercy of God, nor 20 
yet the Blood of Christ, did at all concern me, nor could they help 
me for my sin ; therefore it was in vain to pray. Yet, thought I, 

/ will pray. But, said the Tempter, your sin is unpardonable. 
Well, said I, I will pray. It is to no boot, said he. Yet, said I, 
I will pray. So I went to prayer to God ; and while I was at 25 
prayer, I uttered words to this effect, Lo7'd, Satan tells me that 
neither thy Mercy, nor Chris fs Blood, is sufficient to save my Soul. 
Lord, shall I honour thee most, by believing thou wilt and canst ? 
or him, by believing thou neither wilt nor canst ? Lord, I would 
fain honour thee, by believing thou wilt and canst. 30 

201. And as I was thus before the Lord, that scripture fas- 
tened on my heart, O ?nau, great is thy faith, 8 even as if one had 
clapped me on the back, as I was on my knees before God. Yet 

1 Dan. 10. 14. 2 Lu. iS. 1. 3 Matt. 15. 28. 



72 GRACE ABOUNDING 

I was not able to believe this, that this was a prayer of faith, till 
almost six months after ; for I could not think that I had faith, 
or that there should be a word for me to act faith on ; therefore 
I should still be as sticking in the jaws of desperation, and went 
5 mourning up and down in a sad condition, crying, Is his mercy 
clean go?ie ? Is his mercy clean gone for ever ? And I thought 
sometimes, even when I was groaning in these expressions, they 
did seem to make a question whether it was or no ; yet I greatly 
feared it was. 

io 202. There was nothing now that I longed for more than to 
be put out of doubt, as to this thing in question ; and, as I was 
vehemently desiring to know if there was indeed hopes for me, 
these words came rolling into my mind. Will the lord cast off 
for ever ? And will he be favourable no more ? Is his mercy clean 

i 5 gone for ever ? Doth his promise fail for evermore ? Hath God 
forgotte?i to be gracious ? Hath he in anger shut up his tender 
mercies ? 1 And all the while they run in my mind, methought I 
had this still as the answer, It is a question whether he hath or 
no ; it may be he hath not. Yea, the interrogatory seemed to me 

20 to carry in it a sure affirmation that indeed he had not, nor 
would so cast off, but would be favourable ; that his promise 
doth not fail, and that he had not forgotten to be gracious, nor 
would in anger shut up tender mercy. Something, also, there 
was upon my heart at the same time, which I now cannot call 

25 to mind ; which, with this Text, did sweeten my heart, and made 
me conclude that his mercy might not be quite gone, nor clean 
gone for ever. 

203. At another time, I remember I was again much under 
this Question, Whether the Blood of Christ was sufficient to save 

30 my Soul ? In which doubt I continued from morning till about 

seven or eight at night ; and at last, when I was, as it were, 

quite worn out with fear, lest it should not lay hold on me, these 

words did sound suddenly within my heart, He is able. 2 But 

1 Ps. 77. 7-9. 2 Heb. 7. 25. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 73 

methought this word able was spoke so loud unto me ; it showed 
such a great word, it seemed to be writ in great letters, and gave 
such a justle to my fear and doubt, (I mean for the time it tarried 
with me, which was about a day,) as I never had from that all 
my life, either before or after that. 5 

204. But one morning, when I was again at prayer, and 
trembling under the fear of this, That no Word of God could 
help me, that piece' of a sentence darted in upon me, My Grace 
is sufficie?it. At this methought I felt some stay, as if there 
might be hopes. But, oh how good a thing it is for God to 10 
send his Word ! For about a fortnight before I was looking on 
this very place, and then I thought it could not come near my 
Soul with comfort, therefore I threw down my Book in a pet. 
Then I thought it was not large enough for me ; no, not large 
enough. But now, it was as if it had Arms of Grace so wide that 1 5 
it could not only enclose me, but many more besides. 

205. By these words I was sustained, yet not without exceed- 
ing conflicts, for the space of seven or eight weeks ; for my 
peace would be in and out, sometimes twenty times a day ; Com- 
fort now, and Trouble presently ; Peace now, and before I could 20 
go a furlong as full of Fear and Guilt as ever heart could hold ; 
and this was not only now and then, but my whole seven weeks' 
experience ; for this about the sufficiency of Grace, and that of 
Esau's parting with his Birthright, would be like a pair of Scales 
within my mind, sometimes one end would be uppermost, and 25 
sometimes again the other; according to which would be my 
peace or trouble. 

206. Therefore I did still pray to God that he would come in 
with this Scripture more fully on my heart ; to wit, that he 
would help me to apply the whole sentence, for as yet I could 30 
not. That he gave, I gathered ; but further I could not go, 
for as yet it only helped me to hope there might be mercy for 
me, My Grace is sufficie?it. And though it came no further, it 
answered my former question ; to wit, that there was hope ; yet, 



74 GRACE ABOUNDING 

because /w /to was left out, I was not contented, but prayed to 
God for that also. Wherefore, one day as I was in a meeting 
of God's People, full of sadness and terror, for my fears again 
were strong upon me ; and as I was now thinking my Soul was 
5 never the better, but my case most sad and fearful, these words 
did, with great power, suddenly break in upon me, My Grace is 
sufficient for thee, my Grace is sufficient for thee, my Grace is 
sufficient for thee, three times together ; and, oh ! methought 
that every word was a mighty word unto me ; as my, and Grace, 
10 and sufficient, and for thee; they were then, and sometimes are 
still, far bigger than others be. 

207. At which time my understanding was so enlightened, 
that I was as though I had seen the Lord Jesus look down from 
Heaven through the Tiles upon me, and direct these words 

1 5 unto me. This sent me mourning home ; it broke my heart, and 
filled me full of joy, and laid me low as the dust ; only it stayed 
not long with me, I mean in this glory and refreshing comfort, 
yet it continued with me for several weeks, and did encourage me 
to hope. But so soon as that powerful operation of it was taken 

20 off my heart, that other about Esau returned upon me as before ; 
so my Soul did hang as in a pair of Scales again, sometimes up 
and sometimes down, now in peace, and anon again in terror. 

208. Thus I went on for many weeks, sometimes comforted, 
and sometimes tormented ; and, especially at some times, my 

25 torment would be very sore, for all those scriptures forenamed 
in the Hebrews would be set before me, as the only Sentences 
that would keep me out of Heaven. Then, again, I should 
begin to repent that ever that thought went through me, I 
should also think thus with myself, Why, how many Scriptures 

30 are there against me ? There are but three or four : and cannot 
God miss them, and save me for all them ? Sometimes, again, I 
should think, Oh! if it were not for these three or four words, 
now how might I be comforted ? And I could hardly forbear, at 
some times, but to wish them out of the Book. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 75 

209. Then methought I should see as if both Peter, and Paul, 
and foh?i, and all the Writers, did look with scorn upon me, and 
hold me in derision ; and as if they said unto me, All our words 
are truth, one of as much force as another. It is not we that have 
cut you off, but you have cast away yourself ; there is none of our 5 
sentefices that you must take hold upon but these, and such as these: 1 

It is impossible ; there remains no more sacrifice for sin. And 
it had been better for them not to have known the Will of God, 
than after they have known it to turn from the holy command- 
ment delivered unto them? Por the Scriptures catinot be broken. 10 

210. These, as the Elders of the City of Refuge, 3 1 saw were 
to be the Judges both of my case and me, while I stood, with 
the Avenger of blood at my heels, trembling at their Gate for 
deliverance ; also with a thousand fears and mistrusts, I doubted 
that they would shut me out for ever. 1 5 

211. Thus was I confounded, not knowing what to do, nor 
how to be satisfied in this question, Whether the Scriptures could 
agree in the salvation of my soul 2 I quaked at the Apostles, I 
knew their words were true, and that they must stand for ever. 

212. And I remember one day, as I was in diverse frames 20 
of spirit, and considering that these frames were still according 

to the nature of the several Scriptures that came in upon my 
mind ; if this of Grace, then was I quiet ; but if that of Esau, 
then tormented ; Lord, thought I, if both these Scriptures would 
meet in my heart at once, I wonder which of them would get the 25 
better of me. So methought I had a longing mind that they 
might come both together upon me ; yea, I desired of God' 
they might. 

213. Well, about two or three days after, so they did indeed ; 
they bolted both upon me at a time, and did work and struggle 30 
strangely in me for a while ; at last, that about Esau's birthright 
began to wax weak, and withdraw, and vanish ; and this about 
the sufficiency of Grace prevailed with peace and joy. And as 

1 Heb. 6. 4. 2 2 Pet. 2 . 21. 3 j Q sh. 20. 3, 4. 



y6 GRACE ABOUNDING 

I was in a muse about this thing, that Scripture came home 
upon me, Mercy rejoiceth against judgment. 1 

214. This was a wonderment to me ; yet truly I am apt to 
think it was of God. For the Word of the Law and Wrath must 

5 give place to the Word of Life and Grace ; because, though the 
Word of Condemnation be glorious, yet the Word of Life and 
Salvation doth far exceed in glory. 2 Also, that Moses and Elias 
must both vanish, and leave Christ and his Saints alone. 3 

215. This Scripture did also most sweetly visit my soul, And 
10 him that cometh to me I will in no wise cast out} Oh the comfort 

that I have had from this word, in no wise ! as who should say, 
by no means, for no thing, whatever he hath done. But Satan 
would greatly labour to pull this promise from me, telling of me 
That Christ did not mean 7ne, and such as I, but simiers of a 

1 5 lower rank, that had not done as I had done. But I should answer 
him again, Satan, here is in this word no such exception; but him 
that comes ; him, a?iy him; him that cometh to me I will in 110 
wise cast out. And this I well remember still, that of all the 
sleights that Satan used to take this scripture from me, yet he 

20 never did so much as put this question, But do you come a7'ight ? 
And I have thought the reason was, because he thought I knew 
full well what coming aright was ; for I saw that to come aright 
was to come as I was, a vile and ungodly sinner, and to cast 
myself at the feet of Mercy, condemning myself for sin. If ever 

25 Satan and I did strive for any Word of God in all my life, it was 
for this good word of Christ ; he at one end and I at the other. 
Oh, what work did we make ! It was for this in John, I say, that 
we did so tug and strive ; he pulled and I pulled ; but, God be 
praised, I got the better of him, I got some sweetness from it. 

30 216. But, notwithstanding all these helps and blessed words 
of grace, yet that of Esau's selling of his Birthright would still 
at times distress my Conscience ; for though I had been most 

1 James 2. 13. 8 Mark 9. 5,8. 

2 2 Cor. 3. 8-12. * John 6. 27- 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS yj 

sweetly comforted, and that but just before, yet when that came 
into my mind, it would make me fear again, I could not be quite 
rid thereof, it would every day be with me. Wherefore now I went 
another way to work, even to consider the nature of this blas- 
phemous thought ; I mean, if I should take the words at the 5 
largest, and give them their own natural force and scope, even 
every word therein. So when I had thus considered, I found, 
that if they were fairly taken, they would amount to this, That 
I had freely left the Lord fesus Christ to his choice, whether he 
would be my Saviour or no ; for the wicked words were these, 10 
Let him go if he will. Then that Scripture gave me hope, L will 
never leave thee nor forsake thee} O Lord, said I, but L have left 
thee. Then it answered again, But L will not leave thee. For 
this I thank God also. 

217. Yet I was grievous afraid he should, and found it exceed- 15 
ing hard to trust him, seeing I had so offended him. I could 
have been exceeding glad that this thought had never befallen, for 
then I thought I could, with more ease and freedom abundance, 
have leaned upon his Grace. I see it was with me, as it was with 
Josephs brethren ; the guilt of their own wickedness did often 20 
fill them with fears that their brother would at last despise them. 2 

218. But above all the Scriptures that I yet did meet with, 
that in the twentieth of Joshua was the greatest comfort to me, 
which speaks of the slayer that was to flee for refuge. And if 
the avenger of blood pursue the slayer, then, saith Moses, they that 25 
are the Elders of the City of Refuge shall not deliver him i?ito his 
hand, because he smote his Neighbour unwittingly \ and hated him 
not aforetime? Oh, blessed be God for this word. I was con- 
vinced that I was the Slayer ; and that the Avenger of Blood 
pursued me, that I felt with great terror ; only now it remained 30 
that I inquire whether. I have right to enter the City of Refuge. 
So I found that he must not, who lay in wait to shed blood. It 
was not the wilful Murderer, but he who unwittingly did it, he 

1 Heb. 13. 5. 2 Gen. 50. 15-17. 3 Josh. 20. 5. 



78 GRACE ABOUNDING 

who did unawares shed blood ; not of spight, or grudge, or 
malice, he that shed it unwittingly, even he who did not hate 
his Neighbour before. Wherefore, 

219. I thought verily I was the man that must enter, because 
5 I had smitten my Neighbour unwittingly, and hated him not 

aforetime. I hated him not aforetime ; no, I prayed unto him, 
was tender of sinning against him ; yea, and against this wicked 
temptation I had strove for a twelvemonth before ; yea, and 
also when it did pass through my heart, it did it in spight of 
10 my Teeth. Wherefore I thought I had right to enter this City, 
and the Elders, which are the Apostles, were not to deliver me 
up. This, therefore, was great comfort to me, and did give me 
much ground of hope. 

220. Yet being very critical, for my smart had made me that 
1 5 I knew not what ground was sure enough to bear me, I had 

one question that my Soul did much desire to be resolved about ; 
and that was, Whether it be possible for any Soul that hath indeed 
sinned the unpardonable sin, yet after that to receive though but 
the least true spiritual comfort from God through Christ? The 
20 which, after I had much considered, I found the answer was, 
No, they could not ; and that for these reasons : — 

221. First, Because those that have sinned that sin, they are 
debarred a share in the Blood of Christ, and being shut out of 
that, they must needs be void of the least ground of hope, and 

25 so of spiritual comfort ; for to such there remai?is no more sacri- 
fice for sin. 1 Secondly, Because they are denied a share in the 
Promise of Life ; they shall never be forgiven, neither i?i this 
World, neither in that which is to come} Thirdly, The Son of 
God excludes them also from a share in his blessed Intercession, 

30 being for ever ashamed to own them both before his holy Father, 
and the blessed Angels in Heaven? 

222. When I had, with much deliberation, considered of this 
matter, and could not but conclude that the Lord had comforted 

1 Heb. 10. 26. 2 Matt. 12. 32. 3 Mark 8. 38. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 79 

me, and that too after this my wicked sin ; then, methought, I 
durst venture to come nigh unto those most fearful and terrible 
Scriptures, with wnich all this while I had been so greatly 
affrighted, and on which, indeed, before I durst scarce cast mine 
Eye (yea, had much ado an hundred times to forbear wishing of 5 
them out of the Bible ; for I thought they would destroy me) ; 
but now, I say, I began to take some measure of encouragement 
to come close to them, to read them, and consider them, and to 
weigh their scope and tendency. 

223. The which, when I began to do, I found their visage 10 
changed ; for they looked not so grimly on me as before I 
thought they did. And, first, I came to the sixth of the Hebrews, 
yet trembling for fear it should strike me ; which when I had 
considered, I found that the falling there intended was a falling 
quite away. That is, as I conceived, a falling from, and an 15 
absolute denial of the Gospel of remission of sins by Christ, 1 for 
from them the Apostle begins his Argument. Secondly, I found 
that this falling away must be openly, even in the view of the 
world, even so as to put Christ to an open shame. Thirdly, I 
found that those he there intended were for ever shut up of 20 
God, both in blindness, hardness, and impenitency : It is impos- 
sible they should be renewed again unto Repentance. By all these 
particulars, I found, to God's everlasting Praise, my sin was not 
the sin in this place intended. 

First, I confessed I was fallen, but not fallen away, that is, 25 
from the profession of Faith in Jesus unto eternal Life. 

Secondly, I confessed that I had put Jesus Christ to shame by 
my sin, but not to open shame. I did not deny him before men, 
nor condemn him as a fruitless one before the World. 

Thirdly, Nor did I find that God had shut me up, or denied 30 
me to come (though I found it hard work indeed to come), to 
him by sorrow and repentance. Blessed be God for unsearch- 
able grace. 

1 Heb. 6. 1-3. 



8o GRACE ABOUNDING 

224. Then I considered that in the tenth of the Hebrews, and 
found that the wilful sin there mentioned is not every wilful sin, 
but that which doth throw off Christ, and then his Command- 
ments too. Secondly, That must also be done openly, before two 
5 or three Witnesses, to answer that of the Law. 1 Thirdly, This 
sin cannot be committed, but with great despite done to the 
Spirit of Grace ; despising both the dissuasions from that sin, 
and the persuasions to the contrary. But the Lord knows, 
though this my sin was devilish, yet it did not amount to these. 

10 225. And as touching that in the twelfth of the Hebrews, 
about Esau's selling his Birthright, 2 though this was that which 
killed me, and stood like a spear against me ; yet now I did 
consider, First, That his was not a hasty thought against the 
continual labour of his Mind, but a thought consented to and 

15 put in practice likewise, and that too after some deliberation. 
Secondly, It was a public and open action, even before his 
Brother, if not before many more ; this made his sin of a far 
more heinous nature than otherwise it would have been. Thirdly, 
He continued to slight his Birthright : He did eat a?id drink, and 

20 went his way ; thus Esau despised his birthright. Yea, twenty 
years after, he was found to despise it still. And Esau said, I 
have enough, 7ny Brother ; keep that thou hast unto thyself? 

226. Now as touching this, That Esau sought a place of 
Repentance; thus I thought, First, This was not for the 

25 Birthright, but for the Blessing ; this is clear from the Apostle, 
and is distinguished by Esau himself ; he hath taken away my 
Birthright (that is, formerly) ; and, behold, now he hath taken 
away my Blessing also} Secondly, Now, this being thus con- 
sidered, I came again to the Apostle to see what might be the 

30 mind of God, in a New-Testament style and sense, concerning 
Esau's sin ; and so far as I could conceive, this was the mind of 
God, That the Birthright signified Regeneration, and the Blessing 

1 Heb. 10. 28. 3 Gen. 33. 9. 

2 Gen. 25. 29-34. 4 Gen. 27. 36. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 8l 

the Eternal Inheritance ; for so the Apostle seems to hint, Lest 
tJm-e be any profane person^ as Esau, who for one moisel of meat 
sold his Birthright ; as if he should say, Lest there be any Per- 
son amongst you, that shall cast off all those blessed beginnings 
of God that at present are upon him, in order to a new Birth, 5 
lest they become as Esau, even be rejected afterwards, when 
they would inherit the Blessing. 

227. For many there are who, in the day of Grace and Mercy, 
despise those things which are indeed the Birthright to Heaven, 
who yet, when the deciding day appears, will cry as loud as 10 
Esau, Lord, Lord, open to us; but then, as Isaac would not 
repent, no more will God the Father, but will say, I have blessed 
these, yea, and they shall be blessed ; l but as for you, Depart from 
me, all ye workers of Iniquity? 

228. When I had thus considered these Scriptures and found 15 
that thus to understand them was not against, but according to 
other Scriptures ; this still added further to my encouragement 
and comfort, and also gave a great blow to that Objection, to 
wit, that the Scriptures could not agree in the Salvation of my Soul. 
And now remained only the hinder part of the Tempest, for the 20 
thunder was gone beyond me, only some drops did still remain, 
that now and then would fall upon me ; but because my former 
frights and anguish were very sore and deep, therefore it did oft 
befall me still, as it befalleth those that have been scared with 
fire, I thought every voice was Fire, Fire ; every little touch 25 
would hurt my tender conscience. 

229. But one day, as I was passing in the field, and that too 
with some dashes on my Conscience, fearing lest yet all was not 
right, suddenly this sentence fell upon my soul, Thy righteous- 
ness is in Heaven ; and methought withal, I saw, with the Eyes of 30 
my Soul, Jesus Christ at God's Right Hand. There, I say, was 
my righteousness ; so that wherever I was, or whatever I was 
adoing, God could not say of me, He wants my Righteous?iess, 

1 1 Gen. 27.33. 2 Luke 13. 25-27. 



82 GRACE ABOUNDING 

for that was just before him. I also saw, moreover, that it was 
not my good frame of Heart that made my Righteousness 
better, nor yet my bad frame that made my Righteousness 
worse ; for my Righteousness was Jesus Christ himself, the 
5 same yesterday , and to-day, and for ever} 

230. Now did my Chains fall off my Legs indeed ; I was 
loosed from my Affliction and Irons ; my Temptations also fled 
away ; so that, from that time, those dreadful Scriptures of God 
left off to trouble me ; now went I also home rejoicing, for the 

10 Grace and Love of God. So when I came home, I looked to 
see if I could find that sentence, Thy Righteousness is in Heaven, 
but could not find such a saying ; wherefore my Heart began 
to sink again ; only that was brought to my remembrance, He 
is made unto us of God Wisdom, and Righteousness, and Sanctifica- 

15 tion, and Redemption ; 2 by this word I saw the other sentence true. 

231. For by this Scripture, I saw that the Man Christ Jesus, 
as he is distinct from us, as touching his bodily presence, so he 
is our Righteousness and Sanctification before God. Here, 
therefore, I lived for some time, very sweetly at peace with 

20 God through Christ. Oh methought, Christ ! Christ ! there was 
nothing but Christ that was before my Eyes ; I was not now 
only for looking upon this and the other benefits of Christ apart, 
as of his Blood, Burial, or Resurrection, but considered him as 
a whole Christ ; as he in whom all these, and all other his 

25 Virtues, Relations, Offices, and Operations met together, and 
that, as he sat on the Right Hand of God in Heaven. 

232. 'Twas glorious to me to see his Exaltation, and the 
Worth and Prevalency of all his Benefits, and that because now 
I could look from myself to him, and should reckon that all 

30 those graces of God that now were green on me, were yet 
but like those crack-groats and fourpence-halfpennies that rich 
men carry in their Purses, when their Gold is in their Trunks 
at home ! Oh, I saw my Gold was in my Trunk at home ! In 

1 Heb. 13. 8. 2 1 Cor. 1. 30. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 83 

Christ, my Lord and Saviour ! Now Christ was all ; all my 
Wisdom, all my Righteousness, all my Sanctification, and all 
my Redemption. 

233. Further, the Lord did also lead me into the Mystery 

of Union with the Son of God ; that I was joined to him, that 5 
I was flesh of his flesh, and bone of his bone, and now was 
that a sweet word to me in the thirtieth of the fifth of Ephe- 
sians. By this also was my Faith in him as my Righteousness 
the more confirmed to me ; for if he and I were one, then his 
Righteousness was mine, his Merits mine, his Victory also 10 
mine. Now could I see myself in "Heaven and Earth at once ; 
in Heaven by my Christ, by my Head, by my Righteousness 
and Life, though on Earth by my Body or Person. 

234. Now I saw Christ Jesus was looked on of God, and 
should also be looked upon by us, as that common or public 15 
Person, in whom all the whole body of his Elect are always to 
be considered and reckoned ; that we fulfilled the Law by him, 
died by him, rose from the dead by him, got the Victory over Sin, 
Death, the Devil, and Hell by him ; when he died, we died ; and 

so of his Resurrection. Thy dead me?i shall live, together with my 20 
dead body shall they arise} saith he. And again, After two days he 
will revive us : i?i the third day he will raise us up, and we shall 
live in his sight ;' 2 which is now fulfilled by the sitting down of the 
Son of Man on the Right Hand of the Majesty in the Heavens, 
according to that to the Ephesians, he hath raised us up together, 25 
a?id made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus? 

235. Ah, these blessed considerations and Scriptures, with 
many other of a like nature, were in those days made to spangle 
in mine Eyes, so that I have cause to say, Praise ye the Lord 
God in his Sanctuary : praise him in the Firmament of his 30 
Power. Praise him for his mighty Acts : praise him according 

to his excellent Greatness. 4 

1 

1 Isa. 26. 19. 3 Eph. 2. 6. 

2 HOS. 6. 2. 4 p s . I e 0m 1, 2. 



84 GRACE ABOUNDING 

236. Having thus, in few words, given you a taste of the 
sorrow and affliction that my Soul went under, by the guilt 
and terror that this my wicked thought did lay me under ; and 
having given you also a touch of my deliverance therefrom, 

5 and of the sweet and blessed comfort that I met with after- 
wards, (which comfort dwelt about a twelvemonth with my 
Heart, to my unspeakable admiration ; ) I will now, God will- 
ing, before I proceed any further, give you in a word or two, 
what, as I conceive, was the cause of this temptation ; and also 
10 after that, what advantage, at the last, it became unto my Soul. 

237. For the causes, I conceived they were principally two: 
of which two also I was deeply convinced all the time this 
trouble lay upon me. The first was, for that I did not, when I 
was delivered from the temptation that went before, still pray 

1 5 to God to keep me from temptations that were to come. For though, 
as I can say in truth, my Soul was much in Prayer before this 
trial seized me, yet then I prayed only, or at the most, princi- 
pally for the removal of present troubles, and for fresh dis- 
coveries of his love in Christ : which I saw afterwards was not 

20 enough to do. I also should have prayed that the great God 
would keep me from the evil that was to come. 

238. Of this I was made deeply sensible by the Prayer of 
holy David, who, when he was under present Mercy, yet prayed 
that God would hold him back from sin and temptation to come ; 

25 For then, saith he, shall I be upright, and I shall be imwcent 
from the great tra?isgression} By this very word was I galled 
and condemned, quite through this long temptation. 

239. That also was another word that did much condemn 
me for my folly, in the neglect of this Duty, Let us therefore 

30 come boldly wito the throne of Grace, that we may obtain mercy, 

and find Grace to help in time of need? This I had not done, 

and therefore was suffered thus to sin and fall, according to 

what is written, Pray that you e7iter not into temptation. 3 ' And 

1 Ps. 19. 13. 2 Heb. 4. 16. 3 Matt. 26. 41. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 85 

truly this very thing is to this day of such weight and awe upon 
me, that I dare not, when I come before the Lord, go off my 
knees until I entreat him for help and mercy against the temp- 
tations that are to come ; and I do beseech thee, Reader, that 
thou learn to beware of my negligence, by the affliction that 5 
for this thing I did for days, and months, and years, with sor- 
row undergo. 

240. Another cause of this temptation was that I had 
tempted God ; and on this manner did I do it. Upon a time 
my wife was great with Child, and before her full time was 10 
come, her pangs, as of a Woman in travail, were fierce and 
strong upon her, even as if she would have immediately fallen 

in labour, and been delivered of an untimely Birth. Now, at 
this very time it was that I had been so strongly tempted to 
question the Being of God; wherefore, as my Wife lay crying 15 
by me, I said, but with all secrecy imaginable, even thinking in 
my heart, Lord, if thou wilt ?ww remove this sad affliction from 
my Wife, and cause that she be troubled no more therewith this 
night, (and now were her pangs just upon her,) theft I shall 
know that thou canst discern the most secret thoughts of the 20 
Heart. 

241. I had no sooner said it in my heart, but her pangs were 
taken from her, and she was cast into a deep sleep, and so she 
continued till Morning. At this I greatly marvelled, not know- 
ing what to think ; but after I had been awake a good while, 25 
and heard her cry no more, I fell to sleep also. So when I 
waked in the Morning it came upon me again, even what I had 
said in my heart the last Night, and how the Lord had shewed 
me that he knew my secret Thoughts, which was a great aston- 
ishment unto me for several weeks after. 30 

242. Well, about a year and a half afterwards, that wicked 
sinful thought, of which I have spoken before, went through 
my wicked heart, even this thought, Let Christ go if he will ; 
so when I was fallen under guilt for this, the remembrance of 



86 GRACE ABOUNDING 

my other thought and of the effect thereof would also come 
upon me with this retort, which also carried rebuke along with 
it, Now you may see that God doth know the most secret thoughts 
of the heart. 
5 243. And with this, that of the passages that were betwixt 
the Lord and his servant Gideon fell upon my Spirit ; how 
because that Gideon tempted God with his fleece, both wet and 
dry, 1 when he should have believed and ventured upon his word, 
therefore the Lord did afterwards so try him as to send him 

10 against an innumerable company of Enemies ; and that too, as 

to outward appearance, without any Strength or Help. Thus 

he served me, and that justly, for I should have believed his 

word, and not have put an z/*upon the all-seeingness of God. 

244. And now to shew you something of the advantages 

1 5 that I also gained by this temptation ; and first, By this I was 
made continually to possess in my soul a very wonderful sense 
both of the Being and Glory of God, and of his beloved Son. 
In the temptation that went before my Soul was perplexed with 
unbelief, blasphemy, hardness of heart, questions about the 

20 being of God, Christ, the Truth of the Word, and certainty of 
the World to come ; I say, then I was greatly assaulted and 
tormented with Atheism ; but now the case was otherwise, now 
was God and Christ continually before my Face, though not in 
a way of comfort, but in a way of exceeding dread and terror. 

25 The Glory of the Holiness of God did at this time break me 
to pieces ; and the Bowels and Compassion of Christ did break 
me as on the Wheel ; for I could not consider him but as a lost 
and rejected Christ, the remembrance of which was as the con- 
tinual breaking of my Bones. 

30 245. The Scriptures now also were wonderful things unto 

me. I saw that the truth and verity of them were the Keys of 

the Kingdom of Heaven ; those that the Scriptures favour, they 

must inherit bliss ; but those that they oppose and condemn must 

1 Judges 6. 36-40. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 87 

perish evermore. Oh this word, For the Scripture cannot be 
broken, would rend the Caul of my heart ; and so would that 
other, Whose sins ye remit, they are remitted nnto the??i ; but 
whose sins ye retain, they are retai?ied. Now I saw the Apostles 
to be the Elders of the City of Refuge ; those that they were 5 
to receive in were received to Life ; but those that they shut 
out were to be slain by the Avenger of Blood. 1 

246. Oh ! one Sentence of the Scripture did more afflict and 
terrify my mind, I mean those Sentences that stood against 
me, (as sometimes I thought they every one did,) more I say, 10 
than an Army of forty thousand men that might have come 
against me. Woe be to him against whom the Scriptures bend 
themselves. 

247. By this temptation I was made to see more into the 
Nature of the Promises than ever I was before ; for I lying 1 5 
now trembling under the mighty hand of God, continually torn 
and rent by the thunderings of his Justice ; this made me, with 
careful Heart and watchful Eye, with great seriousness, to turn 
over every leaf, and with much diligence, mixed with trembling, 

to consider every Sentence, together with its natural force and 20 
latitude. 

248. By this temptation, also, I was greatly beaten off my 
former foolish practice, of putting by the Word of Promise 
when it came into my mind ; for now, though I could not suck 
that comfort and sweetness from the Promise as I had done at 25 
other times, yet, like to a man a-sinking, I should catch at all I 
saw. Formerly I thought I might not meddle with the Promise 
unless I felt its comfort, but now it was no time thus to do, 
the Avenger of Blood too hardly did pursue me. 

249. Now therefore I was glad to catch at that word, which 30 
yet I feared I had no groumd or right to own ; and even to 
leap into the bosom of that Promise, that yet I feared did shut 
its heart against me. Now also I should labour to take the 

1 Josh. 20. 4. 



88 GRACE ABOUNDING 

Word as God hath laid it down, without restraining the natural 
force of one syllable thereof. O what did I now see in that 
blessed sixth of John, And him that comes to me, I will in no 
wise cast out} Now I began to consider with myself, that God 
5 had a bigger Mouth to speak with than I had Heart to conceive 
with. I thought also with myself that he spake not his words 
in haste, or in unadvised heat, but with infinite Wisdom and 
Judgment, and in very truth and faithfulness. 

250. I should in these days, often in my greatest Agonies, 

10 even flounce towards the Promise, (as the Horses do towards 
sound Ground that yet stick in the Mire,) concluding, (though 
as one almost bereft of his wits through fear,) on this I will 
rest and stay, and leave the fulfilling of it to the God of Heaven 
that made it. Oh ! many a pull hath my heart had with Satan 

1 5 for that blessed sixth of John. I did not now, as at other times, 
look principally for comfort, (though, O how welcome would 
it have been unto me !) But now a word, a word to lean a 
weary Soul upon, that I might not sink for ever, it was that 
I hunted for. 

20 251. Yea, often when I have been making to the Promise, 
I have seen as if the Lord would refuse my Soul for ever. I 
was often as if I had run upon the Pikes, and as if the Lord 
had thrust at me to keep.me from him as with a flaming Sword. 
Then I should think of Esther, who went to petition the King 

25 contrary to the Law. 2 I thought also of Benhadad's servants, 
who went with ropes upon their Heads to their Enemies for 
mercy. 3 The woman of Canaan also, that would not be daunted, 
though called Dog by Christ. 4 And the Man that went to borrow 
bread at midnight, 5 were great encouragements unto me. 

30 252. I never saw those heights and depths in Grace, and 
Love, and Mercy, as I saw after this temptation. Great Sins 
do draw out great Grace ; and where Guilt is most terrible and 

1 John 6. 37. 2 Esther 4. 16. 3 1 Kings 20. 31,32. 

4 Matt. 15. 21-28. 5 Luke n. 5-8. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 89 

fierce there the Mercy of God in Christ, when showed to the 
Soul, appears most high and mighty. When fob had passed 
through his Captivity, he had twice as much as he had before. 1 
Blessed be God for Jesus Christ our Lord. Many other things 
I might here make observation of, but I would be brief, and 5 
therefore shall at this time omit them, and do pray God that my 
harms may make others fear to offend, lest they also be made 
to bear the Iron Yoke as I did. 

I had two or three times, at or about my deliverance from 
this temptation, such strange apprehensions of the Grace of 10 
God, that I could hardly bear up under it, it was so out of 
measure amazing, when I thought it could reach me, that I 
do think, if that sense of it had abode long upon me, it would 
have made me incapable for business. 

253. Now I shall go forward to give you a relation of other 15 
of the Lord's dealings with me, of his dealings with me at sundry 
other seasons, and of the temptations I then did meet withal. 
I shall begin with what I met with when I first did join in 
fellowship with the people of God in Bedford. After I had pro- 
pounded to the church that my desire was to walk in the Order 20 
and Ordinances of Christ with them, and was also admitted by 
them ; while I thought of that blessed Ordinance of Christ, 
which was his last Supper with his disciples before his Death, 
that Scripture, Do this in remembrance of me, 2 was made a very 
precious word unto me ; for by it the Lord did come down upon 25 
my Conscience with the discovery of his death for my sins ; 
and as I then felt, did as if he plunged me in the virtue of the 
same. But, behold, I had not been long a partaker at that 
Ordinance, but such fierce and sad temptations did attend me at 
all times therein, both to blaspheme the Ordinance, and to wish 30 
some deadly thing to those that then did eat thereof ; that, lest 
I should at any time be guilty of consenting to these wicked 
and fearful thoughts, I was forced to bend myself all the while 

1 Job 42. 10. 2 Luke 22. 19. 



go GRACE ABOUNDING 

to pray to God to keep me from such Blasphemies ; and also 
to cry to God to bless the Bread and Cup to them as it went 
from mouth to mouth. The reason of this temptation I have 
thought since was, because I did not, with that reverence as 
5 became me, at first approach to partake thereof. 

254. Thus I continued for three quarters of a Year, and could 
never have rest nor ease ; but at last the Lord came in upon 
my Soul with that same Scripture by which my Soul was 
visited before ; and after that I have been usually very well 

10 and comfortable in the partaking of that blessed Ordinance, 
and have, I trust, therein discerned the Lord's Body as broken 
for my sins, and that his precious Blood hath been shed for 
my Transgressions. 

255. Upon a time I was somewhat inclining to a Consump- 
15 tion, wherewith, about the Spring, I was suddenly and violently 

seized with much weakness in my outward man, insomuch 
that I thought I could not live. Now began I afresh to give 
myself up to a serious examination after my state and condi- 
tion for the future, and of my evidences for that blessed World 
20 to come ; for it hath, I bless the name of God, been my usual 
course, as always, so especially in the Day of affliction, to en- 
deavour to keep my interest in the Life to come clear before 
my eye. 

256. But I had no sooner began to recal to mind my former 
25 experience of the goodness of God to my Soul, but there came 

flocking into my mind an innumerable company of my Sins and 
Transgressions, amongst which these were at this time most to 
my affliction, namely, my Deadness, Dulness, and Coldness in 
holy duties ; my Wanderings of heart, of my Wearisomeness in 
30 all good things, my Want of Love to God, his Ways, and People, 
with -this at the end of all, Are these the fruits of 'Christianity ? 
are these the tokens of a blessed man ? 

257. At the apprehensions of these things my sickness was 
doubled upon me ; for now was I sick in my inward man, my 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 91 

Soul was clogged with guilt ; now also was my former experience 
of God's goodness to me quite taken out of my mind, and hid 
as if it had never been, nor seen. Now was my soul greatly 
pinched between these two considerations, Live I must not, Die 
I dare not. Now I sunk and fell in my spirit, and was giving 5 
up all for lost ; but as I was walking up and down in the house, 
as a man in a most woful state, that Word of God took hold of 
my heart, Ye are justified freely by his Grace, through the Re- 
demption that is in Christ Jesus} But oh what a turn it made 
upon me ! 10 

258. Now was I as one awakened out of some troublesome 
sleep and dream, and listening to this Heavenly Sentence, I 
was as if I had heard it thus expounded to me : Sinner, thou 
thinkest that because of thy Sins and Infirmities I cannot save 
thy Soul : but behold my Soft is by me, a fid tpofi him I look, 1 5 
and not on thee, a?id will deal with thee according as I am pleased 
with him. At this I was greatly lightened in my mind, and 
made to understand that God could justify a sinner at any 
time ; it was but his looking upon Christ, and imputing of his 
benefits to us, and the work was forthwith done. 20 

259. And as I was thus in a muse, that Scripture also came 
with great power upon my Spirit, Not by works of righteousness 
which we have done, but according to his Mercy he saved us, 2 &c. 
Now was I got on high ; I saw myself within the Arms of 
Grace and Mercy; and though I was before afraid to think 25 
of a dying hour, yet now I cried, Let me die. Now death was 
lovely and beautiful in my sight ; for I saw we shall never live 
ifideed till we be gone to the other World. Oh, methought this life 

is but a slumber in comparison of that above ; at this time also 
I saw more in those words, Heirs of God* than ever I shall be 30 
able to express while I live in this world. Heirs of God ! God 
himself is the portion of the Saints. This I saw and wondered 
at, but cannot tell you what I saw. 

1 Rom. 3. 24. 2 Tit. 3. 5. 2 Tim. 1.9. 3 R om . 8. 17. 



92 GRACE ABOUNDING 

260. Again, as I was at another time very ill and weak, all 
that time also the Tempter did beset me strongly, (for I find he 
is much for assaulting the soul when it begins to approach 
towards the grave, then is his opportunity,) labouring to hide 

5 from me my former experience of God's goodness ; also setting 
before me the terrors of Death and the Judgment of God, inso- 
much that at this time, through my fear of miscarrying for ever, 
(should I now die,) I was as one dead before Death came, and 
was as if I had felt myself already descending into the Pit ; me- 

10 thought, I said, there was no way but to Hell I must. But 
behold, just as I was in the midst of those fears, these words 
of the Angels carrying Lazarus into Abraham's bosom 1 darted 
in upon me, as who should say, So it shall be with thee when 
thou dost leave this World. This did sweetly revive my Spirit, 

1 5 and help me to hope in God ; which, when I had with comfort 
mused on a while, that word fell with great weight upon my 
mind, O Death where is thy sting? O Grave, where is thy Vic- 
tory ? 2 At this I became both well in body and mind at once, 
for my sickness did presently vanish, and I walked comfortably 

20 in my Work for God again. 

261. At another time, though just before I was pretty well 
and savoury in my Spirit, yet suddenly there fell upon me a 
great cloud of darkness which did so hide from me the things 
of God and Christ that I was as if I had never seen or known 

25 them in my life. I was also so overrun in my Soul with a sense- 
less, heartless frame of spirit, that I could not feel my Soul to 
move or stir after Grace and Life by Christ. I was as if my loins 
were broken, or as if my hands and feet had been tied or bound 
with chains. At this time also I felt some weakness to seize 

30 upon my outward man, which made still the other affliction the 
more heavy and uncomfortable to me. 

262. After I had been in this condition some three or four 
days, as I was sitting by the fire, I suddenly felt this word to 

1 Luke 16. 22. 2 1 Cor. 15. 55. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 93 

sound in my heart, I must go to Jesus. At this my former Dark- 
ness and Atheism fled away and the blessed things of Heaven 
were set within my view. While I was on this sudden thus over- 
taken with surprise, Wife, said I, is there ever such a scripture, 
I must go to Jesus ? She said she could not tell, therefore I sat 5 
musing still to see if I could remember such a place. I had not 
sat above two or three minutes but that came bolting in upon 
me, And to an innumerable Company of Angels, and withal, 
Hebrews the twelfth, about the mount Sion, 1 was set before 
mine eyes. 10 

263. Then with joy I told my wife, O now I k?iow, I know ! 
But that night was a good night to me, I never had but few 
better. I longed for the company of some of God's People that 
I might have imparted unto them what God had showed me. 
Christ was a precious Christ to my Soul that night ; I could 1 5 
scarce lie in my Bed for Joy, and Peace, and Triumph, through 
Christ. This great Glory did not continue upon me until Morn- 
ing, yet that twelfth of the Author to the Hebrews, was a blessed 
Scripture to me for many days together after this. 

264. The words are these, You are co??ie unto mount Sion, 20 
to the City of the living God, to the heavenly Jerusalem, and 

to an innumerable company of Angels, to the general Assembly 
and Church of the firstborn, which are writte?i in Heaven, to God 
the Judge of all, and to the Spirits of just men made perfect, and 
to Jesus the Mediator of the netv Testament, and to the blood of 25 
sprinklmg, that speaketh better things than that of Abel. Through 
this blessed sentence the Lord led me over and over, first to 
this Word, and then to that, and showed me wonderful glory in 
every one of them. These words also have oft since this time 
been great refreshment to my Spirit. Blessed be God for hav- 30 
ing mercy on me. 

1 Heb. 12. 22-24. 



94 GRACE ABOUNDING 

A Brief Account of the Author's Call to the Work of the 
Ministry 

265. And now I am speaking my Experience, I will in this 
place thrust in a word or two concerning my preaching the 
Word, and of God's dealing with me in that particular also. 
For after I had been about five or six years awakened, and 

5 helped myself to see both the want and worth of Jesus Christ 
our Lord, and also enabled to venture my soul upon him, some 
of the most able among the Saints with us, I say the most able 
for Judgment and Holiness of life, as they conceived, did per- 
ceive that God had counted me worthy to understand something 

10 of his Will in his holy and blessed Word, and had given me 
utterance, in some measure, to express what I saw to others for 
edification; therefore they desired me, and that with much 
earnestness, that I would be willing, at sometimes, to take in 
hand, in one of the Meetings, to speak a word of Exhortation 

15 unto them. 

266. The which, though at the first it did much dash and 
abash my Spirit, yet being still by them desired and intreated, 
I consented to their request, and did twice at two several As- 
semblies, (but in private,) though with much weakness and in- 

20 firmity, discover my Gift amongst them. At which they not only 
seemed to be, but did solemnly protest, as in the sight of the 
great God, they were both affected and comforted, and gave 
thanks to the Father of Mercies for the grace bestowed on me. 

267. After this, sometimes when some of them did go into 
25 the Country to teach, they would also that I should go with 

them ; where, though as yet I did not, nor durst not, make use 
of my Gift in an open way, yet more privately still, as I came 
amongst the good People in those places, I did sometimes speak 
a word of Admonition unto them also ; the which they, as the 
30 other, received with rejoicing at the mercy of God to me-ward, 
professing their Souls were edified thereby. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 95 

268. Wherefore, to be brief, at last, being still desired by the 
Church, after some solemn prayer to the Lord with fasting, I 
was more particularly called forth and appointed to a more 
ordinary and public Preaching the Word, not only to and 
amongst them that believed, but also to offer the Gospel to 5 
those who had not yet received the Faith thereof. About which 
time I did evidently find in my mind a secret pricking forward 
thereto ; though I bless God, not for desire of vain Glory, for 

at that time I was most sorely afflicted with the fiery darts of 
the Devil concerning my Eternal State. 10 

269. But yet I could not be content, unless I was found in 
the Exercise of my Gift, unto which also I was greatly animated, 
not only by the continual desires of the Godly, but also by that 
saying of Paul to the Corinthians, I beseech you, Brethren (ye 
know the household of Stephanus, that it is the first fruits of 15 
Achaia, and that they have addicted themselves to the Ministry of 
the Saints) that ye submit yourselves unto such, and to every one 
that helpeth with us, and laboureth. 1 

270. By this text I was made to see that the Holy Ghost 
never intended that men who have Gifts and Abilities should 20 
bury them in the earth, but rather did command and stir up 
such to the Exercise of their Gift, 2 and also did commend those 
that were apt and ready so to do, They have addicted themselves 

to the ministry of the saints. This Scripture, in these days, did 
continually run in my mind, to encourage me and strengthen 25 
me in this my work for God. I have also been encouraged 
from several other Scriptures and Examples of the Godly, both 
specified in the Word, and other ancient histories. 

271. Wherefore, though of myself of all the Saints the most 
unworthy, yet I, but with great fear and trembling at the sight 30 
of my own weakness, did set upon the work, and did according 

to my Gift, and the proportion of my Faith, preach that blessed 

1 1 Cor. 16. 15, 16. 

2 Acts 8. 4 ; 18. 24, 25. 1 Pet. 4. 10. Rom. 12. 6. Fox, Acts and Monuments. 



96 GRACE ABOUNDING 

Gospel that God had showed me in the Holy Word of Truth ; 
which, when the Country understood, they came in to hear the 
Word by hundreds, and that from all parts, though upon sun- 
dry and divers accounts^ 
5 272. And I thank God he gave unto me some measure of 
bowels and pity for their Souls, which also did put me forward 
to labour with great diligence and earnestness, to find out such 
a word as might, if God would bless it, lay hold of, and awaken 
the Conscience ; in which also the good Lord had respect to the 
10 desire of his Servant. For I had not preached long before some 
began to be touched, and to be greatly afflicted in their Minds 
at the apprehension of the greatness of their Sin, and of their 
need of Jesus Christ. 

273. But I at first could not believe that God should speak 
15 by me to the heart of any man, still counting myself unworthy ; 

yet those who thus were touched would love me and have a 
peculiar respect for me ; and though I did put it from me, that 
they should be awakened by me, still they would confess it, and 
affirm it before the Saints of God ; they would also bless God 
20 for me (unworthy Wretch that I am !) and count me God's 
Instrument that showed to them the way of Salvation. 

274. Wherefore, seeing them in both their words and deeds to 
be so constant, and also in their Hearts so earnestly pressing after 
the knowledge of Jesus Christ, rejoicing that ever God did send 

25 me where they were ; then I began to conclude it might be so, 
that God had owned in his Work such a foolish one as I, and 
then came that Word of God to my heart with much sweet 
refreshment, The blessing of them that were ready to perish caine 
upon me; yea I caused the Widow's heart to sing for joy. 1 

30 2 7 5 . At this therefore I rejoiced ; yea, the tears of those whom 

God did awaken by my Preaching would be both solace and 

encouragement to me ; for I thought on those Sayings, Who 

is he that maketh me glad but the same which is made sorry by 

1 Job 29. 13. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 97 

me ? 1 and again, Though I be not an Apostle to others, yet, doubt- 
less, I am to you : for the seal of mine Apostleship are ye in the 
Lord} These things, therefore, were as another argument unto 
me that God had called me to, and stood by me in this Work. 

276. In my preaching of the Word, I took special notice of 5 
this one thing, namely, That the Lord did lead me to begin where 
his Word begins with Sinners ; that is, to condemn all flesh, and 

to open and allege that the Curse of God, by the Law, doth 
belong to, and lay hold on all men as they come into the World, 
because of Sin. Now this part of my Work I fulfilled with great 10 
sense ; for the terrors of the Law, and guilt for my Transgres- 
sions, lay heavy on my Conscience. I preached what I felt, what 
I smartingly did feel, even that under which my poor Soul did 
groan and tremble to astonishment. 

277. Indeed I have been as one sent to them from the dead. 15 
I went myself in Chains to preach to them in Chains ; and car- 
ried that Fire in my own Conscience 'that I persuaded them to 
beware of. I can truly say, and that without dissembling, that 
when I have been to preach, I have gone full of guilt and terror 
even to the Pulpit-door, and there it hath been taken off ; I have 20 
been at liberty in my mind until I have done my work, and then 
immediately, even before I could get down the Pulpit-stairs, I 
have been as bad as I was before. Yet God carried me on, but 
surely with a strong hand, for neither Guilt or Hell could take 
me off my Work. 25 

278. Thus I went for the space of two years, crying out 
against men's sins, and their fearful state because of them. After 
which the Lord came in upon my own soul with some staid peace 
and comfort through Christ ; for he did give me many sweet 
discoveries of his blessed Grace through him. Wherefore now 30 
I altered in my preaching, (for still I preached what I saw and 
felt ;) now therefore I did much labour to hold forth Jesus Christ 

in all his Offices, Relations, and Benefits unto the World ; and 

1 2 Cor. 2. 2. 2 1 Cor. 9. 2. 



98 GRACE ABOUNDING 

did strive also to discover, to condemn, and remove those false 
supports and props on which the World doth both lean, and by 
them fall and perish. On these things also I staid as long as on 
the other. 
5 279. After this, God led me into something of the Mystery 
of the Union with Christ. Wherefore that I discovered and 
showed to them also. And when I had travelled through these 
three chief points of the Word of God, about the space of five 
years or more, I was caught in my present practice and cast into 
10 Prison, where I have lain above as long again, to confirm the 
Truth by way of suffering, as I was before in testifying of it 
according to the Scriptures in a way of Preaching. 

280. When I have been in Preaching, I thank God, my heart 
hath often, all the time of this and the other exercise, with great 

1 5 earnestness cried to God that he would make the Word effectual 
to the Salvation of the Soul ; still being grieved lest the Enemy 
should take the Word away from the Conscience, and so it 
should become unfruitful. Wherefore I did labour so to speak 
the Word, as that thereby, if it were possible, the Sin and Person 

20 guilty might »be particularized by it. 

281. Also, when I have done the exercise, it hath gone to my 
heart to think the Word should now fall as Rain on stony places, 
still wishing from my heart, O that they who have heard me speak 
this day did but see as I do what Sin, Death, Hell, and the Curse 

25 of God is ; and also what the Grace, and Love, and Mercy of. 
God is, through Christ, to men in such a case as they are, who 
are yet estranged from him. And, indeed, I did often say in my 
heart before the Lord, That if to be hanged up presently before 
their Eyes would be a means to awaken them, and cofifrm them 

30 in the 7 ruth, I gladly should be co?ite?ited. 

282. For I have been in my preaching, especially when I have 
been engaged in the Doctrine of Life by Christ without works, 
as if an Angel of God had stood by at my back to encourage 
me. Oh, it hath been with such Power and heavenly Evidence 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 99 

upon my own Soul, while I have been labouring to unfold it, to 
demonstrate it, and to fasten it upon the Conscience of others, 
that I could not be contented with saying, I believe, and am sure; 
methought I was more than sure, (if it be lawful so to express 
myself,) that those things which then I asserted were true. 5 

283. When I went first to preach the Word abroad, the 
Doctors and Priests of the Country did open wide against me. 
But I was persuaded of this, not to render railing for railing, but 
to see how many of their carnal Professors I could convince of 
their miserable state by the Law, and of the want and worth of 10 
Christ ; for, thought I, This shall a?iswerfor me in time to come, 
when they shall be for my hire before their faces. 

284. I never cared to meddle with things that were contro- 
verted and in dispute amongst the Saints, especially things of the 
lowest Nature ; yet it pleased me much to contend with great 1 5 
earnestness for the Word of Faith and the Remission of Sins 
by the Death and Sufferings of Jesus ; but I say, as to other 
things, I should let them alone, because I saw they engendered 
strife, and because that they neither, in doing nor in leaving un- 
done, did commend us to God to be his. Besides, I saw my 20 
Work before me did run in another Channel, even to carry an 
awakening word ; to that therefore did I stick and adhere. 

285. I never endeavoured to, nor durst make use of other 
men's lines, 1 (though I condemn not all that do,) for I verily 
thought, and found by experience, that what was taught me by 25 
the Word and Spirit of Christ, could be spoken, maintained, and 
stood to by the soundest and best established Conscience ; and 
though I will not now speak all that I know in this matter, yet 
my experience hath more interest in that text of Scripture, Gal. 

i. 11, 12, than many amongst men are aware. 3° 

286. If any of those who were awakened by my Ministry did 
after that fall back, (as sometimes too many did,) I can truly say 
their loss hath been more to me than if one of my own Children, 

l Rom. 15. 20. 2 Cor. 10. 16. 



IOO GRACE ABOUNDING 

begotten of my body, had been going to its Grave. I think, verily, 
I may speak it without an offence to the Lord, nothing hath 
gone so near me as that, unless it was the fear of the loss of 
the Salvation of my own Soul. I have counted as if I had goodly 
5 Buildings and Lordships in those places where my Children were 
born ; my heart hath been so wrapped up in the glory of this ex- 
cellent Work, that I counted myself more blessed and honoured 
of God by this than if he had made me the Emperor of the Chris- 
tian World, or the Lord of all the glory of the Earth without it. 

10 O these words, He that converteth a sinner from the error of his 
way doth save a soul from death} The fruit of the righteous is a 
Tree of Life ; and he that winneth souls is wise? They that be 
wise shall shine as the brightness of the Firmament ; and they 
that turn many to Righteousness as the Stars for ever and ever? 

1 5 For what is our hope, or joy, Or crown of rejoicing 1 Are not even 
ye in the presence of our Lord fesus Christ at his coming ? For 
ye are our glory and joy} These, I say, with many others of a 
like nature, have been great refreshments to me. 

287. I have observed, that where I have had a Work to do 

20 for God, I have had first, as it were, the going of God upon my 
Spirit to desire I might preach there. I have also observed that 
such and such Souls in particular have been strongly set upon 
my heart, and I stirred up to wish for their Salvation ; and that 
these very Souls have, after this, been given in as the fruits of my 

25 Ministry. I have also observed, that a Word cast in by the by 
hath done more execution in a Sermon than all that was spoken 
besides ; sometimes also when I have thought I did no good, 
then I did the most of all ; and at other times when I thought 
I should catch them I have fished for nothing. 

30 288. I have also observed, that where there hath been a Work 
to do upon Sinners, there the Devil hath begun to roar in the 
hearts, and by the mouths of his Servants. Yea, oftentimes 

1 James 5. 20. 3 Dan. 12. 3. • 

2 Frov. 11. 30. 4 1 Thess. 2. it,, 20. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS IOI 

when the wicked World hath raged most, there hath been souls 
awakened by the Word. I could instance particulars, but I 
forbear. 

289. My great desire in my fulfilling my Ministry was to get 
into the darkest places of the Country, even amongst those peo- 5 
pie that were furthest off of profession. Yet not because I could 
not endure the Light, for I feared not to show my Gospel to 
any, but because I found my spirit leaned most after awakening 
and converting Work, and the Word that I carried did lead 
itself most that way also ; yea, so have I strived to preach the 10 
Gospel, not where Christ was named, lest I should build upon 
a?iother man's Foundation} 

290. In my preaching I have really been in pain, and have, 
as it were, travailed to bring forth Children to God ; neither 
could I be satisfied unless some fruits did appear in my Work. 15 
If I were fruitless it mattered not who commended me ; but if 

I were fruitful, I cared not who did condemn. I have thought 
of that, He that ivinneth souls is wise ; 2 and again, Lo, children 
are an Heritage of the Lo?'d ; and the fruit of the Womb is his 
reward. As Arrows in the hand of a mighty man, so are Children 20 
of the Youth. Happy is the man that hath filled his Quiver full 
of them ; they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the 
E?iemies i?i the Gate. 2, 

291. It pleased me nothing to see People drink in Opinions 

if they seemed ignorant of Jesus Christ, and the worth of their 25 
own Salvation, sound conviction for Sin, especially for Unbelief, 
and an heart set on Fire to be saved by Christ, with strong 
breathing after a truly scanctified Soul. That it was that delighted 
me ; those were the Souls I counted blessed. 

292. But in this Work, as in all other, I had my temptations 30 
attending me, and that of diverse kinds ; as sometimes I should 
be assaulted with great discouragement therein, fearing that I 
should not.be able to speak the Word at all to edification ; nay, 

1 Rom. 15. 20. 2 Prov. 11. 30. 3 Ps. 127. 3-5. 



102 GRACE ABOUNDING 

that I should not be able to speak sense unto the people ; at 
which times I should have such a strange faintness and strength- 
lessness seize upon my body that my legs have scarce been able 
to carry me to the place of Exercise. 
5 293. Sometimes, again, when I have been preaching, I have 
been violently assaulted with thoughts of blasphemy, and strongly 
tempted to speak the words with my mouth before the Con- 
gregation. I have also at some times, even when I have begun 
to speak the Word with much clearness, evidence, and liberty of 

10 speech, yet been before the ending of that Opportunity so blinded, 
and so estranged from the things I have been speaking, and 
have also been so straitened in my speech as to utterance before 
the People, that I have been as if I had not known or remem- 
bered what I have been about, or as if my head had been in a 

15 bag all the time of the Exercise. 

294. Again, when at sometimes I have been about to preach 
upon some smart and searching portion of the Word, I have found 
the Tempter suggest, What ! will you preach this ? this condemns 
yourself; of this your own Soul is guilty. Wherefore preach not 

20 of it at all ; or if you do, yet so mince it as to make way for your 
own escape ; lest instead of awakening others, you lay that guilt 
upon your own Soul, as you will never get from wider. 

295. But, I thank the Lord, I have been kept from consent- 
ing to these so horrid suggestions, and have rather, as Sampson, 

25 bowed myself with all my might to condemn Sin and Trans- 
gression wherever I found it ; yea, though therein also I did 
bring guilt upon my own Conscience ! Let me die, thought I, 
with the Philistines^- rather than deal corruptly with the blessed 
Word of God, Thou that teachest another, teachest thou' not thy- 

30 self? 2 It is far better that thou do judge thyself, even by preach- 
ing plainly to others, than that thou, to save thyself, imprison 
the Truth in Unrighteousness. Blessed be God for his help also 
in this. 

1 Judges 16. 29, 30. 2 Rom. 2. 21. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 103 

296. I have also, while found in this blessed Work of Christ, 
been often tempted to pride and liftings up of Heart ; and 
though I dare not say I have not been infected with this, yet 
truly the Lord, of his precious mercy, hath so carried it towards 
me, that, for the most part, I have had but small joy to give way 5 
to such a thing. For it hath been my every day's portion to be 
let into the evil of my own heart, and still made to see such a 
multitude of Corruptions and Infirmities therein, that it hath 
caused hanging down of the head under all my Gifts and Attain- 
ments. I have felt this thorn in the Flesh 1 the very God of mercy 10 
to me. 

297. I have had also, together with this, some notable place 
or other of the Word presented before me, which word hath con- 
tained in it some sharp and piercing Sentence concerning the 
perishing of the Soul, notwithstanding gifts and parts. As, for 15 
instance, that hath been of great use unto me, Though I speak 
with the Tongue of Men and Angels, a?idhave not Charity, I am 
become as soujiding Brass, and a ti?iklifig Cymbal} 

298. A tinkling Cymbal is an Instrument of Music, with which 

a skilful Player can make such melodious and heart-inflaming 20 
Musick that all who hear him play can scarcely hold from dan- 
cing ; and yet behold the Cymbal hath not Life, neither comes the 
Musick from it, but because of the Art of him that plays there- 
with ; so then the Instrument at last may come to nought and 
perish, though, in times past such Musick hath been made upon it. 25 

299. Just thus I saw it was and will be with them who have 
Gifts, but want saving Grace. They are in the hand of Christ, 
as the Cymbal in the hand of David ; and as David could, with 
the Cymbal, make that Mirth in the Service of God, as to elevate 
the hearts of the Worshippers, so Christ can use these gifted men 30 
as with them to affect the Souls of his People in his Church ; 
yet when he hath done all, hang them by as lifeless, though 
sounding Cymbals. 

1 2 Cor. 12. 7-9. 2 1 Cor. 13. 1, 2. 



104 GRACE ABOUNDING 

300. This consideration, therefore, together with some others, 
were, for the most part, as a Maul on the head of Pride and 
desire of Vain-glory. What, thought I, shall I be proud because 
I am a sounding brass ? Is it so much to be a Fiddle ? Hath ?wt 
5 the least creature that hath life, more of God in it than these ? 
Besides, I knew '/ was Love should never die, but these must cease 
and vanish. So I concluded, a little Grace, a little Love, a little 
of the true Fear of God, is better than all these Gifts. Yea, and 
I am fully convinced of it, that it is possible for Souls that can 

10 scarce give a man an answer but with great confusion as to 
method, I say it is possible for them to have a thousand times 
more Grace, and so to be more in the love and favour of the 
Lord, than some who, by virtue of the Gift of Knowledge, can 
deliver themselves like Angels. 

15 301. Thus, therefore, I came to perceive, that though Gifts 
in themselves were good to the thing for which they are designed, 
to wit, the Edification of others ; yet empty and without power 
to save the soul of him that hath them, if they be alone. Neither 
are they, as so, any sign of a man's state to be happy, being 

20 only a dispensation of God to some, of whose improvement or 
non-improvement, they must, when a little love more is over, give 
an account to him that is ready to judge the quick and the dead. 

302. This showed me too, that gifts, being alone, were dan- 
gerous, not in themselves, but because of those evils that attend 

25 them that have them, to wit, Pride, Desire of Vain glory, Self- 
conceit, &c, all which were easily blown up at the applause and 
commendation of every unadvised Christian, to the endangering 
of a poor Creature to fall into the condemnation of the Devil. 

303. I saw therefore that he that hath Gifts had need be let 
30 into a sight of the nature of them, to wit, that they come short 

of making of him to be in a truly saved condition, lest he rest in 
them, and so fall short of the grace of God. 

304. He hath also cause to walk humbly with God, and be 
little in his own Eyes, and to remember withal, that his Gifts are 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 105 

not his own, but the Church's ; and that by them he is made a 
Servant to the Church ; and he must give at last an account of 
his Stewardship unto the Lord Jesus ; and to give a good account, 
will be a blessed thing. 

305. Let all men therefore prize a little with the fear of the 5 
Lord. Gifts indeed are desirable, but yet great Grace and small 
Gifts are better than great Gifts and no Grace. It doth not say, 
the Lord gives Gifts and Glory, but the Lord gives Grace and 
Glory ; * and blessed is such an one, to whom the Lord gives 
Grace, true Grace, for that is a certain forerunner of Glory. 10 

306. But when Satan perceived that his thus tempting and 
assaulting of me would not answer his design, to wit, to over- 
throw my Ministry, and make it ineffectual, as to the ends 
thereof ; then he tried another way, which was to stir up the 
minds of the ignorant and malicious, to load me with slanders 15 
and reproaches, Now therefore I may say, That what the devil 
could devise, and his instruments invent, was whirled up and 
down the Country against me, thinking, as I said, that by that 
means they should make my Ministry to be abandoned. 

307. It began therefore to be rumoured up and down among 20 
the people, that I was a Witch, a Jesuit, a Highwayman, and 
the like. 

308. To all which I shall only say, God knows that I am in- 
nocent. But as for mine accusers, let them provide themselves 

to meet me before the Tribunal of the Son of God, there to an- 25 
swer for all these things, with all the rest of their iniquities, un- 
less God shall give them Repentance for them, for the which I 
pray with all my heart. 

309. But that which was reported with the boldest confidence, 
was, that I had my Misses, my Whores, my Bastards, yea, two 30 

Wives ato?ice, and the like. Now these slanders, (with the other), 
I glory in, because but slanders, foolish, or knavish lies, and 
falsehoods cast upon me by the Devil and his seed ; and should 

1 Ps. 84. II. 



106 GRACE ABOUNDING 

I not be dealt with thus wickedly by the World, I should want 
one sign of a Saint, and a Child of God. Blessed are you (said 
the Lord Jesus) when men shall revile you, and persecute you, 
and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely for my sake ; 
5 rejoice, and be exceeding glad, for great is your reward in Heave?i; 
for so persecuted they the Prophets which were before you} 

310. These things therefore, upon mine own account, trouble 
me not ; no, though they were twenty times more than they are. 
I have a good Conscience, and whereas they speak evil of me, as an 

10 evil doer, they shall be ashamed that falsely accuse my good Con- 
versation in Christ?' 

311. So then, what shall I say to those that have thus bespat- 
tered me ? Shall I threaten them ? Shall I chide them ? Shall I 
flatter them ? Shall I entreat them to hold their tongues ? No, 

15 not I. Were it not for that these things make them ripe for 
damnation that are the Authors and Abettors, I would say unto 
them, Report it, 3 because it will increase my Glory. 

312. Therefore I bind these lies and slanders to me as an or- 
nament ; it belongs to my Christian Profession to be vilified, 

20 slandered, reproached and reviled ; and since all this is nothing 
else, as my God and my Conscience do bear me witness, I rejoice 
in reproaches for Chris fs sake. 

313. I also calling all those fools, or knaves, that have thus 
made it anything of their business, to affirm any of the things 

25 afore-named of me, namely, that I have been naught with other 
Women, or the like. When they have used to the utmost of 
their endeavours, and made the fullest inquiry that they can, to 
prove against me truly, that there is any Woman in Heaven, or 
Earth, or Hell, that can say, I have at any time, in any place, 

3° by day or night, so much as attempted to be naught with them. 
And speak I thus, to beg mine Enemies into a good esteem of 
me ? No, not I : I will in this beg belief of no man. Believe or 
disbelieve me in this, all is a case to me. 

1 Matt. 5. n, 12. 2 j pet. 3. 16. 3 Jer. 20. 10. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 107 

314. My foes have missed their mark in this their shooting 
at me. I am not the man. I wish that they themselves be guilt- 
less. If all the Fornicators and Adulterers in England were 
hanged by the neck till they be dead, John Bunyan, the object 

of their Envy, would be still alive and well. I know not whether 5 
there be such a thing as a Woman breathing under the Copes 
of the whole Heaven, but by their Apparel, their Children, or by 
common Fame, except my Wife. 

315. And in this I admire the Wisdom of God, that he made 
me shy of Women from my first Conversion until now. Those 10 
know and can also bear me witness, with whom I have been most 
intimately concerned, that it is a rare thing to see me carry it 
pleasant towards a Woman. The common salutation of a Woman 

I abhor: 'tis odious to me in whomsoever I see it. Their com- 
pany alone, I cannot away with. I seldom so much as touch a 15 
Woman's Hand, for I think these things are not so becoming me. 
When I have seen good men salute those Women that they have 
visited or that have visited them, I have at times made my objec- 
tion against it ; and when they have answered, that it was but a 
piece of Civility, I have told them, it is not a Comely sight. Some 20 
indeed have urged the Holy Kiss; but then I have asked why they 
make baulks ? Why they did salute the most handsome, and let 
the ill-favoured go ? Thus, how laudable soever such things have 
been in the Eyes of others, they have been unseemly in my sight. 

316. And now for a wind up in this matter, I calling not only 25 
Men, but Angels, to prove me guilty of having carnally to do 
with any Woman save my Wife ; nor am I afraid to do it a sec- 
ond time, knowing that I cannot offend the Lord in such a case, 

to call God for a Record upon my Soul, that in these things I 
am innocent. Not that I have been thus kept, because of any 30 
goodness in me more than any other ; but God has been mer- 
ciful to me, and has kept me ; to whom I pray that he will keep 
me still, not only from this, but from every evil way and work, 
and preserve me to his heavenly kingdom. Amen. 



108 GRACE ABOUNDING 

317. Now as Satan laboured by reproaches and slanders, to 
make me vile among my Countrymen, that if possible, my 
Preaching might be made of none effect, so there was added 
hereto a long and tedious Imprisonment, that thereby I might 

5 be frighted from my Service for Christ, and the World terrified 
and made afraid to hear me Preach, of which I shall in the next 
place give you a brief account. 

A Brief Account of the Author's Imprisonment 

318. Having made profession of the Glorious Gospel of Christ 
a long time, and preached the same about five years, I was ap- 

10 prehended at a Meeting of good People in the Country, (among 
whom, had they let me alone, I should have preached that day, 
but they took me away from amongst them,) and had me before 
a Justice ; who, after I had offered security for my appearing at 
the next Sessions, yet committed me, because my Sureties would 

15 not consent to be bound that I should preach no more to the 
People. 

319. At the Sessions after I was indicted for an Upholder and 
Maintainer of Unlawful Assemblies and Conventicles, and for 
not conforming to the National Worship of the Church of Eng- 

20 land ; and after some conference there with the Justices, they 
taking my plain dealing with them for a Confession, as they 
termed it, of the Indictment, did sentence me to perpetual 
Banishment, because I refused to conform. So being again de- 
livered up to the Gaoler's hands, I was had home to Prison 

25 again, and there have lain now complete twelve years, waiting to 
see what God would suffer these men to do with me. 

320. In which condition I have continued with much content, 
through Grace, but have met with many turnings and goings 
upon my Heart, both from the Lord, Satan, and my own Cor- 

30 ruptions ; by all which, (glory be to Jesus Christ,) I have also 
received among many things, much Conviction, Instruction, and 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 109 

Understanding, of which at large I shall not here discourse ; only 
give you in a hint or two, a word that may stir up the Godly to 
bless God, and to pray for me ; and also to take encourage- 
ment, should the case be their own, not to fear what man can 
do u7ito them. 5 

321. I never had in all my life so great an inlet into the Word 
of God as now. Them Scriptures that I saw nothing in before, 
are made in this place and state to shine upon me. Jesus Christ 
also was never more real and apparent than now. Here I have 
seen him and felt him indeed. O that word, We have not 10 
preached unto you cunningly devised fables ; x and that God raised 
Christ from the dead, and gave him Glory, that your Faith and 
Hope might be in God, 2 were blessed words unto me in this my 
imprisoned Condition. 

322. These three or four scriptures also have been great 15 
refreshment in this condition to me. John xiv. 1-4. xvi. t>2>- 
Col. iii. 3, 4. Heb. xii. 22-24. So that sometimes when I have 
been in the savour of them, I have been able to laugh at des- 
truction, and to fear neither the horse nor his rider? I have had 
sweet sights of the Forgiveness of my Sins in this place, and of 20 
my being with Jesus in another World. O, the mount Sion, the 
heavenly Jerusalem^ the innumerable company of Angels, and God 
the fudge of all, a?id the Spirits of fust men made perfect, and 
Jesus? have been sweet unto me in this place. I have seen that 
here, that I am persuaded I shall never, while in this world, be 25 
able to express. I have seen a truth in that Scripture, Whom 
having not seen, ye love ; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet 
believing, ye rejoice with joy wispeakable and full of Glory? 

323. I never knew what it was for God to stand by me at all 
turns, and at every offer of Satan to afflict me, &c., as I have 30 
found him since I came in hither. For look, how fears have 
presented themselves so have supports and encouragements ; 

1 2 Pet. 1. 16. 2 1 Pet. 1. 21. 3 Job 39. iS. 

4 Heb. 12. 22-24. 5 1 Pet. 1. S. 



IIO GRACE ABOUNDING 

yea, when I have started even as it were at nothing else but my 
shadow, yet God, as being very tender of me, hath not suffered 
me to be molested, but would with one Scripture and another 
strengthen me against all ; insomuch that I have often said, 
5 Were it lawful, I could pray for greater trouble, for the greater 
comfort's sake} 

324. Before I came to Prison, I saw what was a-coming, and 
had especially two Considerations warm upon my heart. The 
first was how to be able to endure, should my imprisonment be 

10 long and tedious ; the second was how to be able to encounter 
death, should that be here my portion. For the first of these, 
that Scripture was great information to me, namely, to pray to 
God to be strengthened with all might, according to his glorious 
power, unto all patience and long-suffering with jojfulness. 2 I 

1 5 could seldom go to prayer before I was imprisoned, but not for 
so little as a year together, this Sentence or sweet petition would, 
as it were, thrust itself into my mind, and persuade me, that if 
ever I would go through long-suffering, I must have all patience, 
especially if I would endure it joyfully. 

20 325. As to the second Consideration, that saying was of great 
use to me, But we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we 
should not trust in ourselves, but in God which raiseth the dead? 
By this Scripture I was made to see, that if ever I would suffer 
rightly, I must first pass a sentence of death upon everything that 

25 can properly be called a thing of this life, even to reckon myself, 

my Wife, my Children, my Health, my Enjoyments, and all, as 

dead to me, and myself as dead to them. He that loveth father 

or mother, son or daughter, more than me, is not worthy of me. 4 

326. The second was, to live upon God that is invisible. As 

30 Paul said in another place, the way not to faint, is to look not 
at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen : 
for the things which are seen are temporal ; but the things which 

1 Eccles. 7. 14. 2 Cor. 1. 5. 3 2 Cor. 1. 9. 

2 Col. 1. 11. 4 Matt. 10. 37. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS in 

are not .seen are eternal} And thus I reasoned with myself. If 
I provide only for a Prison, then the Whip comes at unawares ; 
and so does also the Pillory. Again, if I provide only for these, 
then I am not fit for Banishment; further, if I conclude that 
Banishment is the worst, then if Death come I am surprised. 5 
So that I see the best way to go through sufferings is to trust 
in God through Christ, as touching the World to come ; and as 
touching this World, to count the Grave my House, to ?nake my 
Bed in Darkness, and to say to Corruption, Thou art my Father, 
and to the Worm, Thou art my Mother and Sister. 2 That is, to 10 
familiarize these things to me. 

327. But notwithstanding these helps, I found myself a man, 
and compassed with Infirmities. The parting with my Wife 
and poor Children hath often been to me in this place as the 
pulling the Flesh from my Bones ; and that not only because 1 5 
I am somewhat too fond of these great Mercies, but also be- 
cause I should have often brought to my mind the many hard- 
ships, miseries and wants that my poor Family was like to meet 
with, should I be taken from them, especially my poor blind 
Child, who lay nearer my heart than all I had besides. O the 20 
thoughts of the hardship I thought my Blind-one might go un- 
der, would break my Heart to pieces. 

328. Poor Child, thought I, what sorrow art thou like to have 
for thy portion in this world! Thou must be beaten, must beg, 
suffer hunger, cold, naked?iess, and a thousand calamities, though 25 
/ cannot now endure the Wind should blow upon thee. But yet 
recalling myself, thought I, / must veftture you all with God, 
though it goeth to the quick to leave you. O, I saw in this condition 

I was as a man who was pulling down his House upon the 
Head of his Wife and Children ; yet, thought I, I must do it, 30 
I must do it. And now I thought on those two Milch-kine that 
were to carry the Ark of God into another Country \ and to leave 
their Calves behind them? 

1 2 Cor. 4. 18. 2 Job 17. 13-14. 3 1 Sam. 6. 10-12. 



112 GRACE ABOUNDING 

329. But that which helped me in this temptation was divers 
Considerations, of which three in special here I will name. The 
first was the consideration of those two Scriptures, Leave thy 
fatherless children, I will preserve them alive, and let thy widows 

5 trust in me. And again, The Lord said, Verily it shall be well 
with thy Remna7it ; verily L will cause the Enemy to entreat thee 
well in the time of evil, 1 &c. 

330. I had also this Consideration, that if I should now 
venture all for God, I engaged God to take care of my Con- 

10 cernments ; but if I forsook him and his ways, for fear of any 
trouble that should come to me or mine, then I should not only 
falsify my Profession, but should count also that my Concern- 
ments were not so sure, if left at God's feet while I stood to 
and for his Name, as they would be, if they were under my 

15 own tuition, though with the denial of the way of God. This 
was a smarting consideration, and was as Spurs unto my Flesh. 
That Scripture also greatly helped it to fasten the more upon 
me, where Christ prays against fudas? that God would disap- 
point him in all his selfish thoughts, which moved him to sell 

20 his Master. Pray read it soberly. 

331. I had also another Consideration, and that was, the 
dread of the Torments of Hell, which I was sure they must 
partake of, that for fear of the Cross do shrink from their Pro- 
fession of Christ, his Words, and Laws, before the Sons of men. 

25 I also thought of the Glory that he had prepared for those that, 
in Faith, and Love, and Patience, stood to his Ways before them. 
These things, I say, have helped me, when the thoughts of the 
misery that both myself and mine, might, for the sake of my 
Profession, be exposed to, hath lain pinching on my Mind. 

30 332. When I have indeed conceited that I might be ban- 
ished for my Profession, then I have thought of that Scripture, 
They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were 
slain with the sword ; they wandered about in Sheep-skins and 

1 Jer. 49. 11 ; 15. 11. 2 Ps. 109. 6-20. 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 113 

Goat-skins; being destitute, afflicted, tormented, of whom the World 
was not worthy?- for all they thought they were too bad to dwell 
and abide amongst them. I have also thought of that saying, 
The Holy Ghost witnesseth in every city, that Bonds and Afflic- 
tions abide me. 2 I have verily thought that my soul and it have 5 
sometimes reasoned about the sore and sad estate of a ban- 
ished and exiled condition, how they are exposed to Hunger, 
to Cold, to Perils, to Nakedness, to Enemies, and a thousand 
Calamities ; and at last, it may be, to die in a Ditch, like a poor 
forlorn and desolate Sheep. But I thank God, hitherto I have 10 
not been moved by these most delicate reasonings, but have 
rather, by them, more approved my heart to God. 

333. I will tell you a pretty business. I was once above all 
the rest in a very sad and low Condition for many Weeks ; at 
which time also I being but a young Prisoner and not acquainted 1 5 
with the Laws, had this lay much upon my Spirit, That my 
Imprisonment might end at the Gallows for aught that I could 
tell. Now, therefore, Satan laid hard at me to beat me out of 
heart, by suggesting thus unto me, But how if when you come 
indeed to die, you should be in this Conditio?i ; that is, as not to 20 
savour the things of God, nor to have any evidence upon your 
Soul for a better state hereafter ? (For indeed at that time all 
the things of God were hid from my Soul.) 

334. Wherefore, when I at. first began to think of this, it 
was a great trouble to me ; for I thought with myself, that in 25 
the Condition I now was in, I was riot fit to die, neither indeed 
did think I could, if I should be called to it. Besides, I thought 
with myself, if I should make a scrabbling shift to clamber up 
the Ladder, yet I should either with quaking, or other symptoms 
of faintings, give occasion to the Enemy to reproach the Way of 30 
God and his People, for their timorousness. This therefore lay 
with great trouble upon me, for methought I was ashamed to die 
with a pale Face, and tottering Knees, for such a cause as this. 

1 Heb. 11. 37-38. 2 Acts 20. 23. 



114 GRACE ABOUNDING 

335. Wherefore, I prayed to God that he would comfort me, 
and give me strength to do and suffer what he should call me 
to. Yet no comfort appeared, but all continued hid. I was also 
at this time so really possessed with the thought of Death, 

5 that oft I was as if I was on the Ladder with a Rope about 
my Neck ; only this was some encouragement to me, I thought 
I might now have an opportunity to speak my last words to a 
Multitude, which I thought would come to see me die ; and, 
thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convert one Soul by 
10 my very last words, I shall not count my Life thrown away, 
nor lost. 

336. But yet all the things of God were kept out of my sight, 
and still the Tempter followed me with, But whither must you 
go when you die ? What will become of you ? Where will you 

1 5 be found in another world ? What evidence have you for Heaven 
and Glory, and an Inheritance among them that are Sanctifed ? 
Thus was I tossed for many Weeks, and knew not what to do. 
At last this Consideration fell with weight upon me, That it was 
for the Word and way of God, that I was in this Condition, 

20 wherefore I was engaged not to flinch a hair's breadth from it. 

337. I thought also, that God might choose, whether he 
would give me comfort now or at the hour of Death ; but I 
might not therefore choose whether I would hold my Profes- 
sion or no. I was bound, but he was free : yea, 't was my duty 

25 to stand to his Word, whether he would ever look upon me or 
no, or save me at the last. Wherefore, thought I, the point being 
thus, I am for going on, and ve?ituring my eternal State with 
Christ, whether I have comfort here or no. If God doth not come 
in, thought I, I will leap off the ladder even bli?idfold into 

30 Eternity, sink or swim, come Heaven, come Hell. lord fesus, if 
thou wilt catch me, do ; if not, Ivill venture for thy Name. 

338. I was no sooner fixed upon this Resolution, but that 
word dropped upon me, Doth fob serve God for nought ? As 
if the Accuser had said, Lord, Job is 110 upright Man, he serves 



TO THE CHIEF OF SINNERS 1 15 

thee for by-respects : hast thou not made a Hedge about him, &c. 
but put forth thi?ie Hand now, and touch all that he hath, and 
he will curse thee to thy Face} How now, thought I, is this the 
sign of an upright Soul, to desire to serve God, when all is taken 
from him ? Is he a godly Man, that will serve God for nothing 5 
rather than give out ? Blessed be God, then, I hope I have an up- 
right Heart, for I am resolved, (God giving me strength,) never 
to deny my Profession, though I have nothing at all for my Pains ; 
and as I was thus considering, that Scripture was set before me. 2 

339. Now was my Heart full of Comfort, for I hoped it was 10 
sincere. I would not have been without this Trial for much. I 
am comforted every time I think of it, and I hope I shall bless 
God for ever for the teaching I have had by it. Many more of 
the dealings of God towards me I might relate, but these, out 
of the spoils wo ft in Battle have I dedicated to maintain the 15 
house of God? 

The Conclusion 

1. Of all the Temptations that ever I met with in my life, to 
question the Being of God and Truth of his Gospel is the worst, 
and the worst to be borne. When this Temptation comes it 
takes away my Girdle from me and removeth the Foundation 20 
from under me. O, I have often thought of that word, Have 
your Loins girt about with Truth ; and of that, When the Foun- 
dations are destroyed, what can the Righteous do ? 

2. Sometimes, when after sin committed I have looked for 
sore Chastisement from the Hand of God, the very next that I 25 
have had from him hath been the discovery of his Grace. Some- 
times, when I have been comforted, I have called myself a Fool 
for my so sinking under trouble. And then again when I have 
been cast down I thought I was not wise, to give such way to 
comfort. With such strength and weight have both these been 30 
upon me. 

1 Job 1. 9, 11. 2 Ps. 44. 12-26. 3 1 Chron. 26. 27. 



Il6 GRACE ABOUNDING 

3. I have wondered much at this one thing, that though God 
doth visit my Soul with never so blessed a discovery of himself, 
yet I have found again, that such hours have attended me after- 
wards, that I have been in my Spirit so filled with darkness, 

5 that I could not so much as once conceive what that God and 
that Comfort was with which I have been refreshed. 

4. I have sometimes seen more in a line of the Bible than I 
could well tell how to stand under ; and yet at another time the 
whole Bible hath been to me as dry as a stick ; or rather, my 

10 Heart hath been so dead and dry unto it that I could not conceive 
the least dram of Refreshment, though I have look it all over. 

5. Of all tears, they are the best that are made by the Blood 
of Christ ; and of all Joy, that is the sweetest that is mixed with 
mourning over Christ. Oh ! it is a goodly thing to be on our 

15 knees, with Christ in our Arms, before God. I hope I know 
something of these things. 

6. I find to this day seven Abominations in my Heart : 
1. Inclinings to Unbelief. 2. Suddenly to forget the Love and 
Mercy that Christ manifesteth. 3. A leaning to the Works of 

20 the Law. 4. Wanderings and coldness in Prayer. 5. To for- 
get to watch for that I pray for. 6. Apt to murmur because I 
have no more, and yet ready to abuse what I have. 7. I can 
do none of those things which God commands me, but my 
Corruptions will thrust in themselves. When I would do good, 

25 evil is present ivith me. 

7. These things I continually see and feel, and am afflicted 
and oppressed with ; yet the Wisdom of God doth order them 
for my good. 1. They make me abhor myself. 2. They keep 
me from trusting my Heart. 3. They convince me of the In- 

30 sufficiency of all inherent Righteousness. 4. They show me the 
necessity of fleeing to Jesus. 5. They press me to pray unto 
God. 6. They show me the need I have to watch and be sober. 
7. And provoke me to look to God, through Christ, to help 
me, and carry me through this world. Amen. 



A RELATION 



IMPRISONMENT OF MR. JOHN BUNYAN, 

Minister of the Gospel at Bedford, in November, 1660. 

HIS EXAMINATION BEFORE THE JUSTICES; 

HIS CONFERENCE WITH THE CLERK OF THE PEACE; WHAT 

PASSED BETWEEN THE JUDGES AND 

HIS WIFE WHEN SHE PRESENTED A PETITION FOR 

HIS DELIVERANCE; ETC. 

Written by himself, and never before Published. 



' Blessed are ye which are persecuted for righteousness' sake : for yours is the kingdom 
of heaven. Blessed are ye when men shall revile you, and persecute you ; and shall say 
all manner of evil against you falsely, for my name's sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad : 
for great is your reward in heaven : for so persecuted they the prophets which were before 
you.' — Mat. v. 10—12. 



London : Printed for James Buckland, at the Buck, in Paternoster Row. 

MDCCLXV. 



II 7 



The Relation of my Imprisonment in the month of November 
^660. When, by the good hand of my God, I had for five or six 
years together, without any great interruption, freely preached the 
blessed Gospel of our Lord fesus Christ ; and had also, through 
5 his blessed Grace, some encouragement by his blessing thereupon ; 
the Devil, that old enemy of mail's salvation, took his opportunity 
to inflame the hearts of his vassals against me, insomuch that at 
the last I was laid out for by the warrant of a justice, a?id was 
taken and committed to prison. The relation thereof is as follow eth : 

10 Upon the 12th of this instant November 1660, I was desired 
by some of the friends in the country to come to teach at 
Samsell, by Harlington, in Bedfordshire. To whom I made 
a promise, if the Lord permitted, to be with them on the time 
aforesaid. The justice hearing thereof, (whose name is Mr. 

15 Francis Wingate,) forthwith issued out his warrant to take me, 
and bring me before him, and in the meantime to keep a very 
strong watch about the house where the meeting should be kept, 
as if we that was to meet together in that place did intend to do 
some fearful business, to the destruction of the country ; when, 

20 alas, the constable, when he came in, found us only with our 
Bibles in our hands, ready to speak and hear the Word of God ; 
for we was just about to begin our exercise. Nay, we had begun 
in prayer for the blessing of God upon our opportunity, intend- 
ing to have preached the Word of the Lord unto them there 

25 present. But the constable coming in prevented us. So that I 
was taken and forced to depart the room. But had I been 
minded to have played the coward I could have escaped and 
kept out of his hands. For when I was come to my friend's 
house there was whispering that that day I should be taken, for 

30 there was a warrant out to take me ; which when my friend heard, 

118 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 119 

he being somewhat timorous, questioned whether we had best 
have our meeting or not ; and whether it might not be better 
for me to depart, lest they should take me and have me before 
the Justice, and after that send me to prison, (for he knew better 
than I what spirit they were of, living by them ;) to whom I said, 5 
No, by no means, I will not stir, neither will I have the meeting 
dismissed for this. Come be of good cheer, let us not be daimted ; 
our cause is good, we need not be ashamed of it ; to preach God's 
Word it is so good a work, that we shall be well rewarded, if zve 
suffer for that, or to this purpose ; but as for my friend, I think 10 
he was more afraid of me, than of himself. After this I walked 
into the close, where, I somewhat seriously considering the mat- 
ter, this came into my mind, That I had showed myself hearty 
and courageous in my preaching, and had, blessed be Grace, 
made it my business to encourage others ; therefore, thought I, 15 
if I should now run, and make an escape, it will be of a very ill 
savour in the country. For what will my weak and newly con- 
verted brethren think of it but that I was not so strong in deed 
as I was in word ? Also I feared that if I should run, now there 
was a warrant out for me, I might by so doing make them afraid 20 
to stand, when great words only should be spoken to them. 
Besides, I thought, that seeing God of his mercy should choose 
me to go upon the forlorn hope in this country ; that is, to be 
the first, that should be opposed, for the gospel ; if I should fly, 
it might be a discouragement to the whole body that might follow 25 
after. And further, I thought the world thereby would take occa- 
sion at my cowardliness to have blasphemed the gospel, and to 
have had some ground to suspect worse of me and my profession 
than I deserved. These things with others considered by me, I 
came in again to the house with a full resolution to keep the 30 
meeting, and not to go away, though I could have been gone 
about an hour before the officer apprehended me ; but I would 
not ; for I was resolved to see the utmost of what they could say 
or do unto me. For blessed be the Lord, I knew of no evil that 



120 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

I had said or done. And so, as aforesaid, I began the meet- 
ing ; but being prevented by the constable's coming in with 
his warrant to take me, I could not proceed. But before I went 
away, I spake some few words of counsel and encouragement 
5 to the people, declaring to them that they saw we was prevented 
of our opportunity to speak and hear the Word of God, and was 
like to suffer for the same : desiring them that they should not 
be discouraged, for it was a mercy to suffer upon so good account. 
For we might have been apprehended as thieves or murderers, 

10 or for other wickedness ; but blessed be God it was not so, but 
we suffer as Christians for well doing : and we had better be the 
persecuted than the persecutors, &c. But the constable and the 
justice's man waiting on us would not be at quiet till they had 
me away, and that we departed the house. But because the 

15 justice was not at home that day, there was a friend of mine 
engaged for me to bring me to the constable on the morrow 
morning. Otherwise the constable must have charged a watch 
with me, or have secured me some other ways, my crime was 
so great. So on the next morning we went to the constable, and 

20 so to the justice. He asked the constable what we did, where 
we was met together, and what we had with us ? I trow, he meant 
whether we had armour or not ; but when the constable told 
him, that there was only met a few of us together to preach and 
hear the Word, and no sign of anything else, he could not well 

25 tell what to say : yet because he had sent for me, he did adven- 
ture to put out a few proposals to me, which was to this effect, 
namely, What I did there ? and why I did not content myself 
with following my calling ? for it was against the law, that such 
as I should be admitted to do as I did. 

30 John JBunyan. To which I answered, that the intent of my 
coming thither, and to other places, was to instruct, and counsel 
people to forsake their sins, and close in with Christ, lest they 
did miserably perish ; and that I could do both these without 
confusion, (to wit,) follow my calling, and preach the Word also. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 121 

At which words, he was in a chafe, as it appeared ; for he said 
that he would break the neck of our meetings. 

Bun. I said, it may be so. Then he wished me to get sureties 
to be bound for me, or else he would send me to the jail. 

My sureties being ready, I called them in, and when the bond 5 
for my appearance was made, he told them, that they was bound 
to keep me from preaching ; and that if I did preach, their bonds 
would be forfeited. To which I answered, that then I should 
break them ; for I should not leave speaking the Word of God ; 
even to counsel, comfort, exhort, and teach the people among 10 
whom I came ; and I thought this to be a work that had no hurt 
in it : but was rather worthy of commendation than blame. 

Wingate. Whereat he told me, that if they would not be so 
bound, my mittimus must be made, and I sent to the jail, there 
to lie to the quarter-sessions. 15 

Now while my mittimus was a making, the justice was with- 
drawn ; and in comes an old enemy to the truth, Dr. Lindale, 
who, when he was come in, fell to taunting at me with many 
reviling terms. 

Bun. To whom I answered, that I did not come thither to 20 
talk with him, but with the justice. Whereat he supposed that I 
had nothing to say for myself, and triumphed as if he had got 
the victory ; charging and condemning me for meddling with that 
for which I could show no warrant ; and asked me, if I had 
taken the oaths ? and if I had not, 'twas pity but that I should 25 
be sent to prison, &c. 

I told him, that if I was minded I could answer to any sober 
question that he should put to me. He then urged me again, 
how I could prove it lawful for me to preach, with a great deal 
of confidence of the victory. 30 

But at last, because he should see that I could answer him if 
I listed, I cited to him that verse in Peter, which saith, As every 
man hath received the gift, even so let him minister the same, &C. 1 
1 1 Pet. 4. 10. 



122 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Lind. Aye, saith he, to whom is that spoken ? 

Bun. To whom ? said I, why, to every man that hath received 
a gift from God. Mark, saith the apostle, As every man that hath 
received a gift from God, &c. And again, You may all prophesy 
5 one by one. 1 Whereat the man was a little stopt, and went a 
softlier pace : but not being willing to lose the day, he began 
again, and said : 

Lind. Indeed I do remember that I have read of one Alex- 
ander a Coppersmith, who did much oppose and disturb the 
10 apostles ; — (aiming, 'tis like, at me, because I was a Tinker.)) 

Bun. To which I answered, that I also had read of very many 
priests and pharisees that had their hands in the blood of our 
Lord Jesus Christ. 

Lind. Aye, saith he, and you are one of those scribes and 
1 5 pharisees : for you, with a pretence, make long prayers to de- 
vour widows' houses. 

Bun. I answered, that if he had got no more by preaching 

and praying than I had done, he would not be so rich as he now 

was. But that Scripture coming into my mind, Answer not a 

20 fool according to his folly? I was as sparing of my speech as I 

could, without prejudice to truth. 

Now by this time my mittimus was made, and I committed to 
the constable to be sent to the jail in Bedford, &c. 

But as I was going, two of my brethren met with me by the 
25 way, and desired the constable to stay, supposing that they should 
prevail with the justice, through the favour of a pretended friend, 
to let me go at liberty. So we did stay, while they went to the 
justice ; and after much discourse with him, it came to this ; 
that if I would come to him again, and say some certain words 
30 to him, I should be released. Which when they told me, I said 
if the words was such that might be said with a good conscience, 
I should, or, else, I should not. So through their importunity I 
went back again, but not believing that I should be delivered : for 

1 1 Cor. 14. 31. 2 Prov. 26. 4. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 123 

I feared their spirit was too full of opposition to the truth to 
let me go, unless I should in something or other dishonour my 
God, and wound my conscience. Wherefore, as I went, I lift 
up my heart to God for light and strength to be kept that I 
might not do anything that might either dishonour him or wrong 5 
my own soul, or be a grief or discouragement to any that was 
inclining after the Lord Jesus Christ. 

Well, when I came to the justice again there was Mr. Foster 
of Bedford, who coming out of another room, and seeing me 
by the light of the candle, (for it was dark night when I went 10 
thither,) he said unto me, Who is there ? John Bunyan ? with 
such seeming affection, as if he would have leaped in my neck 
and kissed me, which made me somewhat wonder, that such a 
man as he, with whom I had so little acquaintance, and, besides, 
that had ever been a close opposer of the ways of God, should 15 
carry himself so full of love to me. But, afterwards, when I saw 
what he did, it caused me to remember those sayings, Their 
to?igues are smoother than oil, but their words are drawn sivords} 
And again, Beware of men, &c. 2 When I had answered him, that 
blessed be God I was well, he said, What is the occasion of your 20 
being here? or to that purpose. To whom I answered, that I 
was at a meeting of people a little way off, intending to speak a 
word of exhortation to them ; but the justice hearing thereof, - 
(said I,) was pleased to send his warrant to fetch me before 
him, &c. 25 

Foster. So, (said he,) I understand ; but well, if you will 
promise to call the people no more together, you shall have your 
liberty to go home ; for my brother is very loth to send you to 
prison, if you will be but ruled. 

Bun. Sir, (said I,) pray what do you mean by calling the 30 
people together? My business is not anything among them 
when they are come together but to exhort them to look after 
the salvation of their souls, that they may be saved, &c. 
1 Ps. 55. 21. 2 Matt. 10. 17. 



124 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Fost. Saith he, We must not enter into explication or dispute 
now ; but if you will say you will call the people no more to- 
gether, you may have your liberty ; if not, you must be sent 
away to prison. 
5 Bun. Sir, said I, I shall not force or compel any man to hear 
me ; but yet, if I come into any place where there is a people 
met together, I should, according to the best of my skill and 
wisdom, exhort and counsel them to seek out after the Lord 
Jesus Christ, for the salvation of their souls. 
10 Fost. He said, that was none of my work ; I must follow 
my calling ; and if I would but leave off preaching, and follow 
my calling, I should have the justice's favour, and be acquitted 
presently. 

Bun. To whom I said, that I could follow my calling and that 
1 5 too, namely, preaching the Word ; and I did look upon it as my 
duty to do them both, as I had an opportunity. 

Fost. He said, to have any such meetings was against the 
law ; and, therefore, he would have me leave off, and say I would 
call the people no more together. 
20 Bun. To whom I said, that I durst not make any further 
promise ; for my conscience would not suffer me to do it. And 
again, I did look upon it as my duty to do as much good as I 
could, not only in my trade, but also in communicating to all 
people, wheresoever I came, the best knowledge I had in the 
25 Word. 

Fost. He told -me that I was the nearest the Papists of any ; 
and that he would convince me of immediately. 

Bun. I asked him wherein ? 

Fost. He said, in that we understood the Scriptures literally. 
30 Bun. I told him that those that were to be understood liter- 
ally, we understood them so ; but for those that was to be un- 
derstood otherwise, we endeavoured so to understand them. 

Fost. He said, which of the Scriptures do you understand lit- 
erally ? 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 125 

Bun. I said this, He that believeth shall be saved} This was 
to be understood just as it is spoken ; that whosoever believeth 
in Christ shall, according to the plain and simple words of the 
text, be saved. 

Fost. He said that I was ignorant, and did not understand the 5 
Scriptures ; for how, (said he,) can you understand them when 
you know not the original Greek ? &c. 

Bun. To whom I said, that if that was his opinion, that 
none could understand the Scriptures but those that had the 
original Greek, &c, then but a very few of the poorest sort 10 
should be saved ; (this is harsh ;) yet the Scripture saith, 
That God hides his things from the wise and prude?it, that is, 
from the learned of the world, and reveals them to babes and 
sucklings. 

Fost. He said there was none that heard me but a company 1 5 
of foolish people. 

Bun. I told him that there was the wise as well as the foolish 
that do hear me ; and again, those that are most commonly 
counted foolish by the world are the wisest before God ; also, 
that God had rejected the wise, and mighty, and noble, and 20 
chosen the foolish and the base. 

Fost. He told me that I made people neglect their calling ; 
and that God had commanded people to work six days, and 
serve him on the seventh. 

Bun. I told him that it was the duty of people, (both rich and 25 
poor,) to look out for their souls on them days as well as for 
their bodies ; and that God would have his people exhort one 
another daily, while it is called to-day} 

Fost. He said again that there was none but a company of 
poor, simple, ignorant people that came to hear me. 30 

Bun. I told him that the foolish and ignorant had most need 
of teaching and information ; and, therefore, it would be profit- 
able for me to go on in that work. 

1 Mark 16. 16. 2 Heb. 3. 13. 



126 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Fost. Well ; said he, to conclude, but will you promise that 
you will not call the people together any more ? and then you 
may be released and go home. 

Bun. I told him that I durst say no more than I had said ; 
5 for I durst not leave off that work which God had called me to. 
So he withdrew from me, and then came several of the jus- 
tice's servants to me, and told me that I stood so much upon a 
nicety. Their master, they said, was willing to let me go ; and 
if I would but say I would call the people no more together, I 
io might have my liberty, &c. 

Bun. I told them there were more ways than one in which 
a man might be said to call the people together. As, for instance, 
if a man get upon the market place, and there read a book, or the 
like, though he do not say to the people, Sirs, come hither and 
1 5 hear ; yet if they come to him because he reads, he, by his very 
reading, may be said to call them together ; because they would 
not have been there to hear if he had not been there to read. 
And seeing this might be termed a calling the people together, 
I durst not say I would not call them together ; for then, by the 
20 same argument, my preaching might be said to call them together. 
Whig, and Fost. Then came the justice and Mr. Foster to me 
again ; (we had a little more discourse about preaching, but be- 
cause the method of it is out of my mind, I pass it ;) and when they 
saw that I was at a point, and would not be moved nor persuaded, 
25 Mr. Foster told the justice that then he must send me away 
to prison. And that he would do well, also, if he would present 
all those that were the cause of my coming among them to 
meetings. Thus we parted. 

And, verily, as I was going forth of the doors, I had much 
30 ado to forbear saying to them that I carried the peace of God 
along with me ; but I held my peace, and, blessed be the Lord, 
went away to prison, with God's comfort in my poor soul. 

After I had lain in the jail five or six days, the brethren sought 
means, again, to get me out by bondsmen; (for so run my 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 127 

mittimus, that I should lie there till I could find sureties.) They 
went to a justice at Elstow, one Mr. Crumpton, to desire him 
to take bond for my appearing at the quarter-sessions. At the 
first he told them he would ; but afterwards he made a demur 
at the business, and desired first to see my mittimus, which run 5 
to this purpose : That I went about to several conventicles in 
this county, to the great disparagement of the government of the 
church of England, &c. When he had seen it, he said that there 
might be something more against me than was expressed in my 
mittimus ; and that he was but a young man, and, therefore, he 10 
durst not do it. This my jailer told me ; whereat I was not at 
all daunted, but rather glad, and saw evidently that the Lord had 
heard me ; for before I went down to the justice, I begged of 
God that if I might do more good by being at liberty than in 
prison that then I might be set at liberty ; but if not, his will be 1 5 
done. For I was not altogether without hopes but that my im- 
prisonment might be an awakening to the Saints in the country, 
therefore I could not tell well which to choose ; only I, in that 
manner, did commit the thing to God. And verily, at my return, 
I did meet my God sweetly in the prison again, comforting of 20 
me and satisfying of me that it was his will and mind that I 
should be there. 

When I came back again to prison, as I was musing at the 
slender answer of the Justice, this word dropped in upon my heart 
with some life, For he knew that for envy they had delivered him} 25 

Thus have I, in short, declared the manner and occasion of 
my being in prison ; where I lie waiting the good will of God, 
to do with me as he pleaseth ; knowing that not one hair of my 
head can fall to the ground without the will of my Father which 
is in Heaven. Let the rage and malice of man be never so great, 30 
they can do no more, nor go no further, than God permits them ; 
but when they have done their worst, we know that all things 
work together for good to them that love God. Farewell. 
1 Matt. 27. 18. 



128 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Here is the Sum of my Examinatio?i before fustice Keelin, fustice 
Chester, fustice Blundale, fustice Beecher, and fustice Snagg, &>c. 

After I had lain in prison above seven weeks, the quarter-ses- 
sions was to be kept in Bedford, for the county thereof, unto 
which I was to be brought ; and when my jailer had set me before 
those justices, there was a bill of indictment preferred against 
5 me. The extent thereof was as followeth : That fohn Bunyan, 
of the town of Bedford, labourer, being a person of such and such 
conditions, he hath, (since such a time,) devilishly and perniciously 
abstained from coming to church to hear Divine service, and is a 
common upholder of several unlawful meetings and conve?iticles,to 
10 the great disticrbance and distractio?i of the good subjects of this 
kingdom, contrary to the laws of our sovereig?i lord the Ki?ig, 6°<r. 
The Clerk. When this was read, the clerk of the sessions 
said unto me, What say you to this ? 

Bun. I said, that as to the first part of it, I was a common 
15 frequenter of the church of God. And was also, by grace, a 
member with them people over whom Christ is the Head. 

Keelin. But, saith Justice Keelin, (who was the judge in 
that court,) Do you come to church, (you know what I mean,) 
to the parish church, to hear Divine service ? 
20 Bun. I answered, No, I did not. 
Keel. He asked me why ? 

Bun. I said, Because I did not find it commanded in the 
Word of God. 

Keel. He said, We were commanded to pray. 
25 Bun. I said, But not by the Common Prayer Book. 
Keel. He said, How then ? 

Bun. I said, With the Spirit. As the apostle saith, / will 
pray with the Spirit, and with the understanding} 

Keel. He said, We might pray with the Spirit, and with the 
30 understanding, and with the Common Prayer Book also. 

1 1 Cor. 14. 15 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 129 

Bun. I said that the prayers in the Common Prayer Book 
was such as was made by other men, and not by the motions of 
the Holy Ghost, within our Hearts ; and as I said, the apostle 
saith, he will pray with the Spirit, and with the understanding, 
not with the Spirit and the Common Prayer Book. 5 

Another Justice. What do you count prayer ? Do you think 
it is to say a few words over before or among a people ? 

Bun. I said, No, not so ; for men might have many elegant, 
or excellent words, and yet not pray at all; but when a man 
prayeth, he doth, through a sense of those things which he wants, 10 
(which sense is begotten by the Spirit,) pour out his heart before 
God through Christ ; though his words be not so many and so 
excellent as others are. 

Justices. They said, That was true. 
■ Bun. I said, This might be done without the Common Prayer 15 
Book. 

Another. One of them said (I think it was Justice Blundale, 
or Justice Snagg), How should we know that you do not write 
out your prayers first, and then read them afterwards to the 
people ? This he spake in a laughing way. 20 

Bun. I said, It is not our use, to take a pen and paper, and 
write a few words thereon, and then go and read it over to a 
company of people. 

Another. But how should we know it, said he ? 

Bun. Sir, it is none of our custom, said I. 25 

Keel. But, said Justice Keelin, it is lawful to use Common 
Prayer, and such like forms : for Christ taught his disciples to 
pray, as John also taught his disciples. And further, said he, 
cannot one man teach another to pray ? Faith comes by hear- 
ing ; and one man may convince another of sin, and therefore 30 
prayers made by men, and read over, are good to teach, and 
help men to pray. 

While he was speaking these words, God brought that word 
into my mind, in the eighth of the Romans, at the 26th verse. 



130 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

I say, God brought it, for I thought not on it before : but as he 
was speaking, it came so fresh into my mind, and was set so 
evidently before me, as if the Scripture had said, Take me, take 
me ; so when he was done speaking, 
5 Bun. I said, Sir, the Scripture saith, that it is the Spirit 
that helpeth our infirmities ; for we know not what we should 
pray for as we ought ; but the Spirit itself maketh intercessiojifor 
us, with sighs and groanings which ca?inot be uttered} Mark, 
said I, it doth not say the Common Prayer Book teacheth us how 

io to pray, but the Spirit. And it is the Spirit that helpeth oiir 
infirmities, saith the apostle ; he doth not say it is the Common 
Prayer Book. 

And as to the Lord's prayer, although it be an easy thing to 
say, Our Father, &c, with the mouth; yet there is very few that 

15 can, in the Spirit, say the first two words of that prayer ; that 
is, that can call God their Father, as knowing what it is to be 
born again and as having experience that they are begotten 
of the Spirit of God ; which if they do not, all is but bab- 
bling, &c. 

20 Keel. Justice Keelin said, that that was a truth. 

Bun. And I say further, as to your saying that one man 
may convince another of sin, and that faith comes by hearing, 
and that one man may tell another how he should pray, &c, I 
say men may tell each other of their sins, but it is the Spirit 

25 that must convince them. 

And though it be said that faith comes by hearing, yet it is 
the Spirit that worketh faith in the heart 2 through hearing, or 
else they are not profited by hearing. 

And that though one man may tell another how he should 

30 pray ; yet, as I said before, he cannot pray, nor make his con- 
dition known to God, except the Spirit help. It is not the Com- 
mon Prayer Book that can do this. It is the Spirit that showeth 
us our sins, and the Spirit that showeth us a Saviour, and the 

1 Rom. 8. 26. 2 Heb. 4. 12. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 131 

Spirit that stirreth up in our hearts desires to come to God, for 
such things as we stand in need of, even sighing out our souls 
unto him for them with groans which cannot be uttered. With 
other words to the same purpose. At this they were set. 

Keel. But, says Justice Keelin, what have you against the 5 
Common Prayer Book ? 

Bun. I said, Sir, if you will hear me, I shall lay down my 
reasons against it. 

Keel. He said, I should have liberty ; but first, said he, let 
me give you one caution ; take heed of speaking irreverently of 10 
the Common Prayer Book ; for if you do so, you will bring 
great damage upon yourself. 

Bun. So I proceeded, and said, My first reason was, because 
it was not commanded in the Word of God, and therefore I 
could not do it. 15 

Another. One of them said, Where do you find it commanded 
in the Scripture, that you should go to Elstow, or Bedford, and 
yet it is lawful to go to either of them, is it not? 

Bun. I said, To go to Elstow, or Bedford, was a civil thing, 
and not material, though not commanded, and yet God's Word 20 
allowed me to go about my calling, and therefore if it lay there, 
then to go thither, &c. But to pray, was a great part of the 
Divine worship of God, and therefore it ought to be done ac- 
cording to the rule of God's Word. 

Another. One of them said, He will do harm ; let him speak 25 
no further. 

Keel. Justice Keelin said, No, no, never fear him, we are bet- 
ter established than so ; he can do no harm ; we know the Com- 
mon Prayer Book hath been ever since the Apostles' time, and 
is lawful for it to be used in the church. 30 

Bun. I said, Show me a place in the epistles where the Com- 
mon Prayer Book is written, or one text of Scripture that com- 
mands me to read it, and I will use it. But yet, notwithstanding, 
said I, they that have a mind to use it, they have their liberty ; 



132 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

that is, I would not keep them from it ; but for our parts, we 
can pray to God without it. Blessed be his name. 

Another. With that, one of them said, Who is your God ? 
Beelzebub ? Moreover, they often said that I was possessed 
5 with the spirit of delusion, and of the Devil. All which savings 
I passed over ; the Lord forgive them ! And further, I said, 
Blessed be the Lord for it, we are encouraged to meet together, 
and to pray, and exhort one another ; for we have had the com- 
fortable presence of God among us. For ever blessed be his 
10 holy name ! 

Keel. Justice Keelin called this pedler's French, saving, that 
I must leave off my canting. The Lord open his eyes ! 

Bun. I said, that we ought to exhort one another daily, while 
it is called to-day. 
15 Keel. Justice Keelin said, that I ought not to preach; and 
asked me where I had my authority ? with other such like 
words. 

Bun. I said, that I would prove that it was lawful for me, 
and such as I am, to preach the Word of God. 
20 Keel. He said unto me. By what Scripture ? 

I said, By that in the first epistle of Peter, the fourth chapter, 
the tenth verse, and Acts the eighteenth, with other Scriptures, 
which he would not suffer me to mention. But said. Hold : not 
so many, which is the first ? 
25 Bun. I said, this: As every man hath received the gift, even so 
minister the same one to another, as good stewards of the mani- 
fold grace of God. If any man speak, let him speak as the oracles 
of G .:. cK\ 

Keel. He said. Let me a little open that Scripture to you : 
50 As every man hath received the gift ; that is, said he. as even- 
one hath received a trade, so let him follow it. If any man have 
received a gift of tinkering, as thou hast done, let him follow 
his tinkering. And so other men their trades ; and the divine 
his calling, &c. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 133 

Bun. Nay, Sir, said I, but it is most clear, that the apostle 
speaks here of preaching the Word ; if you do but compare both 
the verses together, the next verse explains this gift what it is. 
saying. If tiny man speak, let him speak as the oracles of God. 
So that it is plain, that the Holy Ghost doth not so much in 5 
this place exhort to civil callings, as to the exercising of those 
gifts that we have received from God. I would have gone on, 
but he would not give me leave. 

Keel. He said. We might do it in our families, but not other- 
ways. 10 

Bun. I said. If it was lawful to do good to some, it was law- 
ful to do good to more. If it was a good duty to exhort our 
families, it is good to exhort others ; but if they held it a sin to 
meet together to seek the face of God, and exhort one another 
to follow Christ, I should sin still ; for so we should do. 1 5 

Keel. He said he was not so well versed in Scripture as to 
dispute, or words to that purpose. And said, moreover, that 
they could not wait upon me any longer ; but said to me, Then 
you confess the indictment, do you not ? Xow, and not till now. 
I saw I was indicted. 20 

Bun. I said. This I confess, we have had many meetings to- 
gether, both to pray to God, and to exhort one another, and 
that we had the sweet comforting presence of the Lord among 
us for our encouragement : blessed be his name therefore. I 
confessed myself guilty no otherwise. 25 

Keel. Then, said he, hear your judgment. You must be had 
back again to prison, and there lie for three months following ; 
and at three months' end, if you do not submit to go to church 
to hear Divine service, and leave your preaching, you must be 
banished the realm : and if, after such a day as shall be ap- 30 
pointed you to be gone, you shall be found in this realm. &c, 
or be found to come over again without special license from the 
king. &C., you must stretch by the neck for it, I tell you plainly ; 
and so he bid my jailor have me away. 



134 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Bun. I told him, as to this matter, I was at a point with him ; 
for if I was out of prison to-day I would preach the gospel 
again to-morrow, by the help of God. 

Another. To which one made me some answer ; but my jailor 
5 pulling me away to be gone, I could not tell what he said. 

Thus I departed from them ; and I can truly say, I bless the 
Lord Jesus Christ for it, that my heart was sweetly refreshed in 
the time of my examination, and also afterwards, at my re- 
turning to the prison. So that I found Christ's words more than 
10 bare trifles, where he saith, He will give a mouth and wisdom, 
even such as all the adversaries shall not gainsay or resist. 1 
And that his peace no man can take from us. 

Thus have I given you the substance of my examination. 
The Lord make these profitable to all that shall read or hear 
15 them. Farewell. 

The Substance oj some Discourse had between the Clerk oj the 
Peace and myself, when he came to admonish me, accordi?ig to 
the te?ior oj that Law by which I was in Prison 

When I had lain in prison other twelve weeks, and now not 
knowing what they intended to do with me, upon the third of 
April, comes Mr. Cobb unto me, (as he told me, ) being sent 
by the Justices to admonish me ; and demanded of me submit- 
20 tance to the Church of England, &c. The extent of our dis- 
course was as followeth : — 

Cobb. When he was come into the house he sent for me out 
of my chamber ; who, when I was come unto him, he said, 
Neighbour Bunyan, how do you do ? 
25 Bun. I thank you, Sir, said I, very well, blessed be the Lord. 
Cobb. Saith he, I come to tell you that it is desired you would 
submit yourself to the laws of the land, or else at the next ses- 
sions it will go worse with you, even to be sent away out of the 
nation, or else worse than that. 

1 Luke 21. 1 =; . 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 135 

Bun. I said that I did desire to demean myself in the world, 
both as becometh a man and a Christian. 

Cobb. But, saith he, you must submit to the laws of the land, 
and leave off those meetings which you was wont to have ; for 
the statute law is directly against it ; and I am sent to you by 5 
the Justices to tell you that they do intend to prosecute the law 
against you if you submit not. 

Bun. I said, Sir, I conceive that that law by which I am in 
prison at this time doth not reach or condemn either me or the 
meetings which I do frequent. That law was made against those 10 
that being designed to do evil in their meetings, make the exer- 
cise of religion their pretence to cover their wickedness. It 
doth not forbid the private meetings of those that plainly and 
simply make it their only end to worship the Lord, and to exhort 
one another to edification. My end in meeting with others is 15 
simply to do as much good as I can, by exhortation and counsel, 
according to that small measure of light which God hath given 
me, and not to disturb the peace of the nation. 

Cobb. Every one will say the same, saith he ; you see the late 
insurrection at Lo?idon, under what glorious pretences they went'; 20 
and yet, indeed, they intended no less than the ruin of the king- 
dom and commonwealth. 

Bun. That practice of theirs I abhor, said I ; yet it doth not 
follow that, because they did so, therefore all others will do so. 
I look upon it as my duty to behave myself under the King's 25 
government, both as becomes a man and a Christian, and if an 
occasion were offered me, I should willingly manifest my loyalty 
to my Prince, both by word and deed. 

Cobb. Well, said he, I do not profess myself to be a man 
that can dispute ; but this I say, truly, neighbour Bimyan, I 30 
would have you consider this matter seriously, and submit your- 
self ; you may have your liberty to exhort your neighbour in 
private discourse, so be you do not call together an assembly of 
people ; and, truly, you may do much good to the church of 



136 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Christ if you would go this way ; and this you may do, and the 
law not abridge you of it. It is your private meetings that the 
law is against. 

Bun. Sir, said I, if I may do good to one by my discourse, 
5 why may I not do good to two ? and if to two, why not to four, 
and so to eight ? &c. 

Cobb. Ay, saith he, and to a hundred, I warrant you. 
Bun. Yes, Sir, said I, I think I should not be forbid to do 
as much good as I can. 
10 Cobb. But, saith he, you may but pretend to do good, and 
indeed, notwithstanding, do harm, by seducing the people ; you 
are, therefore, denied your meeting so many together, lest you 
should do harm. 

Bun. And yet, said I, you say the law tolerates me to dis- 

1 5 course with my neighbour ; surely there is no law tolerates me 

to seduce any one ; therefore, if I may, by the law, discourse with 

one, surely it is to do him good ; and if I, by discoursing, may do 

good to one, surely, by the same law, I may do good to many. 

Cobb. The law, saith he, doth expressly forbid your private 

20 meetings ; therefore they are not to be tolerated. 

Bun. I told him that I would not entertain so much unchar- 
itableness of that Parliament in the 35 th of Elizabeth, or of 
the Queen herself, as to think they did, by that law, intend the 
oppressing of any of God's ordinances, or the interrupting any 
25 in the way of God ; but men may, in the wresting of it, turn it 
against the way of God. But take the law in itself, and it only 
fighteth against those that drive at mischief in their hearts and 
meetings, making religion only their cloak, colour, or pretence ; 
for so are the words of the statute : If any meetings, under 
30 colour or pretence of religion, &c. 

Cobb. Very good ; therefore the King, seeing that pretences are 
usually in and among people, as to make religion their pretence 
only, therefore he, and the law before him, doth forbid such pri- 
vate meetings, and tolerates only public ; you may meet in public. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 137 

Bun. Sir, said I, let me answer you in a similitude. Set the 
case that, at such a wood corner, there did usually come forth 
thieves, to do mischief; must there therefore a law be made 
that every one that cometh out there shall be killed ? May 
there not come out true men as well as thieves out from 5 
thence ? Just thus it is in this case ; I do think there may be 
many that may design the destruction of the commonwealth ; 
but it does not follow therefore that all private meetings are 
unlawful ; those that transgress, let them be punished. And if 
at any time I myself should do any act in my conversation as 10 
doth not become a man and Christian, let me bear the punish- 
ment. And as for your saying I may meet in public, if I 
may be suffered, I would gladly do it. Let me have but meet- 
ing enough in public, and I shall care the less to have them 
in private. I do not meet in private because I am afraid to 15 
have meetings in public. I bless the Lord that my heart is 
at that point, that if any man can lay anything to my charge, 
either in doctrine or practice, in this particular, that can be proved 
error or heresy, I am willing to disown it, even in the very 
market place ; but if it be truth, then to stand to it to the last 20 
drop of my blood. And, Sir, said I, you ought to commend me 
for so doing. To err and to be a heretic are two things. I am 
no heretic, because I will not stand refractorily to defend any 
one thing that is contrary to the Word. Prove anything which 
I hold to be an error, and I will recant it. 25 

Cobb. But, goodman Bunyan, said he, methinks you need 
not stand so strictly upon this one thing, as to have meetings 
of such public assemblies. Cannot you submit, and, notwith- 
standing, do as much good as you can, in a neighbourly way, 
without having such meetings ? 30 

Bicn. Truly, Sir, said I, I do not desire to commend myself, 
but to think meanly of myself ; yet when I do most despise 
myself, taking notice of that small measure of light which God 
hath given me, also that the people of the Lord, (by their own 



138 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

saying,) are edified thereby. Besides, when I see that the Lord, 
through grace, hath in some measure blessed my labour, I dare 
not but exercise that gift which God hath given me for the good of 
the people. And I said further, that I would willingly speak in 
5 public, if I might. 

Cobb. He said, that I might come to the public assemblies 
and hear. What though you do not preach ? you may hear. Do 
not think yourself so well enlightened, and that you have re- 
ceived a gift so far above others, but that you may hear other 
10 men preach. Or to that purpose. 

Bu?i. I told him, I was as willing to be taught as to give in- 
struction, and I looked upon it as my duty to do both ; for, said 
I, a man that is a teacher, he himself may learn also from another 
that teacheth, as the Apostle saith : We may all prophesy, one 
15 by one, that all may learn} That is, every man that hath re- 
ceived a gift from God, he may dispense it, that others may be 
comforted ; and when he hath done, he may hear and learn, 
and be comforted himself of others. 

Cobb. But, said he, what if you should forbear awhile, and sit 
20 still, till you see further how things will go ? 

Bun. Sir, said I, Wickliffe saith, that he which leaveth off 
preaching and hearing of the Word of God for fear of ex- 
communication of men, he is already excommunicated of God, 
and shall in the day of judgment be counted a traitor to 
25 Christ. 

Cobb. Ay, saith he, they that do not hear shall be so counted 
indeed ; do you, therefore, hear. 

Bun. But, Sir, said I, he saith, he that shall leave off either 
preaching or hearing, &c. That is, if he hath received a gift 
30 for edification, it is his sin, if he doth not lay it out in a way of 
exhortation and counsel, according to the proportion of his 
gift ; as well as to spend his time altogether in hearing others 
preach. 

1 2 Cor. 14. 31. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 1 39 

Cobb. But, said he, how shall we know that you have re- 
ceived a gift ? 

Bun. Said I, Let any man hear and search, and prove the 
doctrine by the Bible. 

Cobb. But will you be willing, said he, that two indifferent 5 
persons shall determine the case, and will you stand by their 
judgment ? 

Bun. I said, Are they infallible ? 

Cobb. He said, No. 

Bun. Then, said I, it is possible my judgment may be as good 10 
as theirs. But yet I will pass by either, and in this matter be 
judged by the Scriptures. I am sure that is infallible, and can- 
not err. 

Cobb. But, said he, who shall be judge between you, for you 
take the Scriptures one way, and they another ? 1 5 

Bun. I said, The Scripture should, and that by comparing 
one scripture with another ; for that will open itself, if it be 
rightly compared. As, for instance, if under the different ap- 
prehensions of the word Mediator, you would know the truth 
of it, the Scriptures open it, and tells us that he that is a me- 20 
diator must take up the business between two, and a mediator 
is not a mediator of one, but God is one, 1 and there is one mediator 
between God and men, even the man Christ Jesus? So likewise 
the Scripture calleth Christ a complete, or perfect, or able high 
priest. That is opened in that he is called man, and also God. 25 
His blood also is discovered to be effectually efficacious by the 
same things. So the Scripture, as touching the matter of meet- 
ing together, &c, doth likewise sufficiently open itself and dis- 
cover its meaning. 

Cobb. But are you willing, said he, to stand to the judgment 30 
of the Church ? 

Bun. Yes, Sir, said I, to the approbation of the church of 
God. The Church's judgment is best expressed in Scripture. 

1 Gal. 3. 20. 2 1 Tim. 2. 5. 



140 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

We had much other discourse which I cannot well remember, 
about the laws of the nation, and submission to governments ; 

to which 1 did tell him, that 1 did look upon myself as bound 
in conscience to walk according to all righteous laws, and that 
5 whether there was a King or no ; and if I did anything that 
was contrary, 1 did hold it my duty to bear patiently the penalty 
of the law, that was provided against such offenders ; with many 
more words to the like effect. And said, moreover, that to cut 
oil all occasions oi suspicion from any, as touching the harm- 
to lessness oi my doctrine in private, 1 would willingly take the 
pains to give any one the notes of all my sermons ; for I do sin- 
cerely desire to live quietly in my country, and to submit to the 
present authority, 

C(>/'/\ 'Well, neighbour Bun van, said he, but indeed I would 
15 wish you seriously to consider of these things, between this 
and the quarter-sessions, and to submit yourself. You may 
do much good if you continue still in the land ; but alas, what 
benefit will it be to your friends, or what good can you do to 
them, if you should be sent away beyond the seas into Spain, 
20 or c onstantinopU, or some other remote part of the world ? Pray 
be ruled. 

Jailor. Indeed, Sir. 1 hope he will be ruled. 
Bun. 1 shall desire, said 1. in all godliness and honesty to 
behave myself in the nation, whilst I am in it. And if I must 
25 be so dealt withal, as you say, I hope God will help me to bear 
what they shall lay upon me. 1 know no evil that 1 have done 
in this matter, to be so used. I speak as in the presence 
of God. 

. You know, saith he, that the Scripture saith, the 
\ t/iat be an- ordained of God} 
Bun. 1 said. Yes, and that 1 was to submit to the King 
as supreme, also to the governors, as to them that are sent 
by him. 

1 Rom. 11. 1. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 141 

Cobb. Well then, said he. the King then commands yon. that 
you should not have any private meetings ; because it is against 
his law, and he is ordained oi God. therefore you should not 
have any. 

Bun. 1 told him that Paul did own the powers that were in 5 

his day, as to he of God : and yet he was often in prison under 

them for all that. And also, though Jesus Christ told Pilate, that 

he had no power against him. but of God. yet he died under 

the same Pilate; and yet. said I. I hope you will not say that 

either Paul, or Christ, was such as did deny magistracy, and so 10 

sinned against God in slighting the ordinance. Sir. said I. the 

law hath provided two ways oi obeying : The one to do that 

which I. in my conscience, do believe that I am bound to do. 

actively ; and where I cannot obey actively, there I am willing 

to lie down, and to suffer what they shall do unto me. At this 15 

he sat still, and said no more : which, when he had done. I did 

thank him for his civil and meek discoursing with me ; and so 

we parted. 

O that we might meet in heaven ! 

Farewell. J. B. 20 

Here followeth a discourse between my Wife ana 'the Judges ', with 
others, touching my Deliverance at the Assises following ; the 
which I took from her own Mouth 

After that 1 had received this sentence of banishing, or hang- 
ing, from them, and after the former admonition, touching the 
determination of Justices, if I did not recant : just when the time 
drew nigh, in which I should have abjured, or have done worse. 
as Mr. Cobb told me,) came the time in which the King was to 25 
be crowned. Now. at the coronation of Kings, there is usually 
a releasement of divers prisoners, by virtue of his coronation ; 
in which privilege also I should have had my share ; but that 
they took me for a convicted person, and therefore, unless I 
sued out a pardon, (as they called it,) I could have no benefit 30 



142 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

thereby. Notwithstanding, yet, forasmuch as the Coronation 
Proclamation did give liberty, from the day the King was 
crowned to that day twelvemonth, to sue them out ; therefore, 
though they would not let me out of prison, as they let out 
5 thousands, yet they could not meddle with me, as touching the 
execution of their sentence ; because of the liberty offered for 
the suing out of pardons. Whereupon I continued in prison till 
the next assizes, which are called Midsummer assizes, being then 
kept in August 1661. 

10 Now, at that assizes, because I would not leave any possible 
means unattempted that might be lawful, I did, by my wife, 
present a petition to the Judges three times, that I might be 
heard, and that they would impartially take my case into consid- 
eration. 

1 5 The first time my wife went, she presented it to Judge Hales, 
who very mildly received it at her hand, telling her that he would 
do her and me the best good he could ; but he feared, he said, 
he could do none. The next day, again, lest they should, through 
the multitude of business, forget me, we did throw another pe- 

20 tition into the coach to Judge Twisdon ; who, when he had seen 
it, snapt her up, and angrily told her that I was a convicted 
person, and could not be released, unless I would promise to 
preach no more, &c. 

Well, after this, she yet again presented another to Judge 

25 Hales, as he sat on the bench, who, as it seemed, was willing to 
give her audience. Only Justice Chester being present stept up 
and said, that I was convicted in the court, and that I was a hot- 
spirited fellow, (or words to that purpose,) whereat he waved it, 
and did not meddle therewith. But yet, my wife being encour- 

30 aged by the High Sheriff, did venture once more into their pres- 
ence, (as the poor widow did to the unjust Judge, 1 ) to try what 
she could do with them for my liberty, before they went forth 
of the town. The place where she went to them was to the Swan 

1 Luke iS. 1-6. 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 143 

Chamber, where the two Judges, and many Justices and Gen- 
try of the country, was in company together. She then, coming 
into the chamber with a bashed face, and a trembling heart, be- 
gan her errand to them in this manner : — 

Woman. My Lord (directing herself to Judge Hales), I make 5 
bold to come once again to your Lordship, to know what may 
be done with my husband. 

Judge Hales. To whom he said, Woman, I told thee before, 
I could do thee no good ; because they have taken that for a 
conviction which thy husband spoke at the sessions ; and unless 10 
there be something done to undo that, I can do thee no good. 

Worn. My Lord, said she, he is kept unlawfully in prison ; 
they clapped him up before there was any proclamation against 
the meetings ; the indictment also is false. Besides, they never 
asked him whether he was guilty or no ; neither did he confess 1 5 
the indictment. 

One of the Justices. Then one of the Justices that stood by, 
whom she knew not, said, My Lord, he was lawfully convicted. 

Worn. It is false, said she ; for when they said to him, Do 
you confess the indictment ? he said only this, that he had been 20 
at several meetings, both where there was preaching the Word, 
and prayer, and that they had God's presence among them. 

Judge Twisdon. Whereat Judge Twisdon answered very an- 
grily, saying, What ! you think we can do what we list ; your 
husband is a breaker of the peace, and is convicted by the law, 25 
&c. Whereupon Judge Hales called for the Statute Book. 

Worn. But, said she, my Lord, he was not lawfully convicted. 

Chester. Then Justice Chester said, My Lord, he was law- 
fully convicted. 

Worn. It is false, said she ; it was but a word of discourse 30 
that they took for a conviction, as you heard before. 

Ches. But it is recorded, woman, it is recorded, said Justice 
Chester ; as if it must be of necessity true, because it was re- 
corded. With which words he often endeavoured to stop her 



144 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

mouth, having no other argument to convince her, but it is re- 
corded, it is recorded. 

Worn. My Lord, said she, I was a while since at London, to 
see if I could get my husband's liberty ; and there I spoke with 
5 my Lord Bai'kwood, one of the House of Lords, to whom I de- 
livered a petition, who took it of me and presented it to some 
of the rest of the House of Lords, for my husband's release- 
ment ; who, when they had seen it, they said that they could 
not release him, but had committed his releasement to the Judges, 
10 at the next assizes. This he told me ; and now I come to you 
to see if anything may be done in this business, and you give 
neither releasement nor relief. To which they gave her no an- 
swer, but made as if they heard her not. 

Ches. Only Justice Chester was often up with this, He is con- 
15 victed, and It is recorded. 

Worn. If it be, it is false, said she. 

Ches. My Lord, said Justice Chester, he is a pestilent fellow, 
there is not such a fellow in the country again. 

Twis. What, will your husband leave preaching ? If he will 
20 do so, then send for him. 

Worn. My Lord, said she, he dares not leave preaching, as 
long as he can speak. 

Twis. See here, what should we talk any more about such a 
fellow ? Must he do what he lists ? He is a breaker of the peace. 
25 Worn. She told him again, that he desired to live peaceably, 
and to follow his calling, that his family might be maintained ; 
and, moreover, said, My Lord, I have four small children that 
cannot help themselves, of which one is blind, and have nothing 
to live upon, but the charity of good people. 
30 Hales. Hast thou four children ? said Judge Hales ; thou 
art but a young woman to have four children. 

Worn. My Lord, said she, I am but mother-in-law to them, 
having not been married to him yet full two years. Indeed, I 
was with child when my husband was first apprehended ; but 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 145 

being young, and unaccustomed to such things, said she, I 
being smayed at the news, fell into labour, and so continued for 
eight days, and then was delivered, but my child died. 

Hales. Whereat, he looking very soberly on the matter, said, 
Alas, poor woman ! 

Twis. But Judge Twisdon told her, that she made poverty 
her cloak ; and said, moreover, that he understood I was main- 
tained better by running up and down a preaching, than by fol- 
lowing my calling. 

Hales. What is his calling ? said Judge Hales. 

Answer. Then some of the company that stood by said, A 
Tinker, my Lord. 

Wo??i. Yes, said she, and because he is a Tinker, and a poor 
man, therefore he is despised, and cannot have justice. 

Hales. Then Judge Hales answered, very mildly, saying, I 
tell thee, woman, seeing it is- so, that they have taken what thy 
husband spake for a conviction ; thou must either apply thyself 
to the King, or sue out his pardon, or get a writ of error. 

Ches. But when Justice Chester heard him give her this 
counsel; and especially, as she supposed, because he spoke of a 
writ of error, he chafed, and seemed to be very much offended ; 
saying, My Lord, he will preach and do what he lists. 

Worn. He preacheth nothing but the Word of God, said she. 

Twis. He preach the Word of God ! said Twisdon ; (and 
withal she thought he would have struck her ;) he runneth up 
and down, and doth harm. 

Worn. No, my Lord, said she, it is not so ; God hath owned 
him, and done much good by him. 

Twis. God ! said he ; his doctrine is the doctrine of the Devil. 

Worn. My Lord, said she, when the righteous Judge shall 
appear, it will be known that his doctrine is not the doctrine of 
the Devil. 

Twis. My Lord, said he, to Judge Hales, do not mind her, 
but send her away. 



146 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

Hales. Then said Judge Hales, I am sorry, woman, that I 

can do thee no good ; thou must do one of those three things 

aforesaid ; namely, either to apply thyself to the King, or sue 

out his pardon, or get a writ of error ; but a writ of error will 

5 be cheapest. 

Worn. At which Chester again seemed to be in a chafe, and 
put off his hat, and as she thought, scratched his head for anger. 
But when I saw, said she, that there was no prevailing to have 
my husband sent for, though I often desired them that they would 

10 send for him, that he might speak for himself, telling them, 
that he could give them better satisfaction than I could in what 
they demanded of him, with several other things, which now I 
forget ; only this I remember, that though I was somewhat tim- 
orous at my first entrance into the chamber, yet before I went 

1 5 out, I could not but break forth into tears, not so much because 
they were so hard-hearted against me and my husband, but to 
think what a sad account such poor creatures will have to give 
at the coming of the Lord, when they shall there answer for all 
things whatsoever they have done in the body, whether it be 

20 good or whether it be bad. 

So, when I departed from them, the Book of Statute was 
brought, but what they said of it I know nothing at all, neither 
did I hear any more from them. 

Some Carriages of the Adversaries of God's Truth with me at the 
next Assizes, which was on the igth of the First Month, 1662 
I shall pass by what befell between these two assizes, how I 

25 had, by my Jailor, some liberty granted me, more than at the 
first, and how I followed my wonted course of preaching, tak- 
ing all occasions that were put into my hand to visit the people 
of God ; exhorting them to be steadfast in the faith of Jesus 
Christ, and to take heed that they touched not the Common 

30 Prayer, &c, but to mind the Word of God, which giveth direc- 
tion to Christians in every point, being able to make the man 



RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 147 

of God perfect in all things through faith in Jesus Christ, and 
thoroughly to furnish him unto all good works. Also, how I, 
having, I say, somewhat more liberty, did go to see Christians 
at London ; which my enemies hearing of, were so angry, that 
they had almost cast my Jailor out of his place, threatening 5 
to indict him, and to do what they could against him. They 
charged me also, that I went thither to plot and raise division, 
and make insurrection, which, God knows, was a slander ; where- 
upon my liberty was more straitened than it was before : so that 
I must not look out of the door. Well, when the next sessions 10 
came, which was about the 10th of the eleventh month, I did 
expect to have been very roundly dealt withal ; but they passed 
me by, and would not call me, so that I rested till the assizes, 
which was the 19 th of the first month following ; and when they 
came, because I had a desire to come before the judge, I de- 1 5 
sired my jailor to put my name into the Kalender among the 
felons, and made friends of the Judge and High Sheriff, who 
promised that I should be called ; so that I thought what I had 
done might have been effectual for the obtaining of my desire. 
But all was in vain ; for when the assizes came, though my name 20 
was in the Kalender, and also though both the Judge and Sheriff 
had promised that I should appear before them, yet the Justices 
and the Clerk of the peace did so work it about, that I, not- 
withstanding, was deferred, and might not appear ; and although, 
I say, I do not know of all their carriages towards me, yet this 25 
I know, that the Clerk of the peace did discover himself to be 
one of my greatest opposers. For, first, he came to my jailor, 
and told him that I must not go down before the Judge, and 
therefore must not be put into the Kalender ; to whom my jailor 
said, that my name was in already. He bid him put me out 30 
again ; my jailor told him that he could not, for he had given 
the Judge a Kalender with my name in it, and also the Sheriff 
another. At which he was very much displeased, and desired 
to see that Kalender that was yet in my jailor's hand : who. 



148 RELATION OF BUNYAN'S IMPRISONMENT 

when he had given it him, he looked on it, and said it was 
a false Kalender ; he also took the Kalender and blotted out 
my accusation, as my jailor had writ it. (Which accusation I 
cannot tell what it was, because it was so blotted out ;) and he 
5 himself put in words to this purpose : ' That Joh?i Bunyan was 
committed in prison, being lawfully convicted for upholding of 
unlawful meetings and conventicles,' &c. But yet, for all this, 
fearing that what he had done, unless he added thereto, it would 
not do ; he first run to the Clerk of the assizes, then to the Jus- 

10 tices, and afterwards, because he would not leave any means 
unattempted to hinder me, he comes again to my jailor, and tells 
him, that if I did go down before the Judge, and was released, 
he would make him pay my fees, which, he said, was due to 
him ; and further told him, that he would complain of him at 

1 5 the next quarter sessions for making of false Kalenders ; though 
my jailor himself, as I afterwards learned, had put in my accu- 
sation worse than in itself it was by far. And thus was I hin- 
dered and prevented, at that time also, from appearing before 
the Judge, and left in prison. Farewell. 

John Bunyan 



Deacidified using the Bookkeeper process. 
Neutralizing agent: Magnesium Oxide 
Treatment Date: Feb. 2009 

PreservationTechnologies 

A WORLD LEADER IN COLLECTIONS PRESERVATION 

111 Thomson Park Drive 
Cranberry Township, PA 1 6066 
(724)779-2111 



One copy del. to Cat. Div. 






r -.'• 



